HARUKA
After changing my outfit for the tenth time, I ended up wearing the one which I selected first.
Wow. Amazing. Truly an Oscar-winning decision.
I stared in the mirror for a long time, embarrassed by my own actions. Oh god, how cringy I am being. It's just a group project... but it's with him.
I sighed and then smiled.
The walk from my house to the library was a mix of anxiety and rehearsing conversations which, God knows, might not even happen. But anyway, I kept doing it until I reached the library.
The moment I entered the library, my whole body froze in place.
He was already there, sitting at a desk near the window. Sunlight fell across his face, softening his features. His brown eyes looked lighter, almost warm under the golden light. A few strands of his hair caught the sun, glowing faintly. His lips rested in a small, relaxed curve as he read, he looked too different from what I've seen. I've seen him noisy, loud, laughing, and making funny, stupid faces—which, I won't deny, I liked more than anything on the internet.
But this look... this is something else. It's too soft, too dangerous for my heart.I swallowed hard and took out my mobile. My hands were shaking as I opened my camera app. With shaky hands, I quickly clicked his photo, locked my phone, and slid it into my pocket.
I took a deep breath. Now, great—I'm clicking photos of people like a creep. What a great resolution I have.
Ok Haruka. Cool. Calm. Composed.
Let's go.It's just a project. Just a math project. Just do it and run home. But it's with him.
Fuck. Why am I like this?
I took a long breath and walked toward him.He looked up at me, his brown eyes finding mine, and shit... I wanted to run away. I wanted to kiss him. Or both at onces But no way—I cannot do both. Shut up Haruka, you can't kiss him, but you can run. But fuck, you can't run either, because running away means embarrassing yourself. So yes, I had only one option left: pretend he is not throwing bombs at my heart just by existing, and complete this project.
So I give him the most polite smile I could ever give and sit beside him.
"So, what took you so long? You're half an hour late," he asked.
Shit. I didn't realize I was half an hour late. Now he must think I don't care enough to come on time. If only he knew I'd been getting ready to come here since yesterday, right after his text.
"Traffic... it was traffic. You know how much traffic we have in our city," I said, acting like this was the most concerning subject.
But he seems to buy my lie, because he nods.
"Okay, so let's start our project." He starts to explain the project to me, telling me his plan for how we will do it. I keep nodding like I'm getting everything he says, but actually, I don't know what he's talking about. My mind is busy listening to his voice, the way he speaks, the way his eyes blink, and the way his lips curve.
"So this is what we will do. What do you think?" he asked.
What should I say? The only thing I remember is how he blinks and how he speaks. I don't even know what topic he was talking about. Just let it go... just go with the flow.
"I think your idea is good. Let's do this." I said
He gave a proud smile and a nod, then turned back to his notebook. But my eyes were still on him, lost in the moment.Then he turned back and our eyes met again.
"So, you do your part of the work and I will do mine," he said. "I will send it to you on WhatsApp."
"Hmm," I replied.
"Then let's meet tomorrow at college. I should go now," he said."Then see you tomorrow."
Then he gave that stupid, soft smile which always makes my heart do that flip. And then he started walking away like nothing happened—like he didn't just murder my heart again. Like it's normal. Like it's just a normal day. And yes, for him it is. It always was. But I know the moment he texted me to come here, I knew it wasn't normal for me.I wish he knew what he does to my heart. I wish he knew how I feel... but it's better if he doesn't, because it would make everything worse. So for now, this is better. This is all I want for now.