ROOM 7
Chapter Sixteen: The Morning After
---
Jay woke to sunlight and regret.
Not the deep kind. Not the kind that kept you up at night. The shallow kind. The kind that sat in your stomach like yesterday's cotton candy—sweet at first, then cloying, then just there.
She'd kissed him.
She'd grabbed his collar and kissed him in front of a stranger and then she'd run.
And now she had to face him.
The shark was still on her pillow. Blue. Stupid. She'd won it. He'd won it for her. She'd dropped it when she ran. She'd picked it up. She'd brought it home.
She shoved it under the blanket.
---
The kitchen was empty when she got there.
She made coffee. Drank it standing up. Stared out the window at the volcano. The sky was gray. The lake was still. Everything looked the same as yesterday.
Everything was different.
Footsteps behind her.
She didn't turn around.
"Morning," Keifer said.
"Morning."
He moved to the counter. Made his own coffee. Didn't ask if she wanted more. Didn't offer anything.
They stood on opposite sides of the kitchen, not looking at each other.
"About yesterday—" he started.
"We don't have to talk about it."
"We should."
"Why?"
He was quiet for a moment. "Because you kissed me."
"I know I kissed you."
"And then you ran."
"I know I ran."
"And now we're standing in a kitchen pretending nothing happened."
She turned to face him. "What do you want me to say?"
He looked at her. His face was tired. His hair was a mess. He hadn't slept either.
"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to stop pretending."
"I'm not pretending."
"You're standing on the other side of the room."
"I'm making coffee."
"You're hiding."
She set her cup down. "I'm not hiding."
"You haven't looked at me once."
She looked at him.
His eyes were steady. Patient. Waiting.
"Okay," she said. "I kissed you."
"Okay."
"I don't know why."
"Okay."
"I don't know what it means."
"Okay."
She waited for him to say more. He didn't.
"That's it?" she asked. "Just okay?"
"What else do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. Something. Anything."
He set his cup down. "You kissed me, Jay. You grabbed my collar and kissed me in front of a stranger. You kissed me like you meant it. And then you ran. And now you're standing in this kitchen telling me you don't know why. What am I supposed to say to that?"
She didn't have an answer.
He picked up his cup. He walked out.
She stood alone in the kitchen, listening to his footsteps fade.
---
Lyra found her on the porch an hour later.
"You look terrible."
"Thanks."
"You've been sitting here for an hour."
"I'm thinking."
"About what?"
Jay looked at the volcano. The clouds had rolled in. The peak was hidden.
"I kissed Keifer yesterday."
"I know. I was there."
"Then I ran."
"I know."
"Now he's mad at me."
Lyra sat down beside her. "He's not mad."
"He walked out of the kitchen."
"He's hurt."
"That's worse."
Lyra was quiet for a moment. "You grabbed his collar and kissed him. Then you ran. Then this morning you told him you didn't know why. Of course he's hurt."
Jay looked at her hands. "What was I supposed to say? That I was jealous? That I saw that girl touching him and I lost my mind? That I've been thinking about his lips for fifteen years and I finally couldn't help myself?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"That's exactly what you were supposed to say."
Jay stared at her. "I can't say that."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know if it's true."
Lyra raised an eyebrow. "You don't know if you've been thinking about his lips for fifteen years?"
"I've been thinking about how annoying he is."
"You kissed him, Jay."
"I know."
"Hard. In front of people. You grabbed his collar."
"I KNOW."
Lyra leaned back. "So what are you going to do?"
Jay looked at the volcano. At the clouds. At the gray sky.
"I don't know."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only one I have."
---
The house was quiet for most of the morning.
Yuri tried to start a game of cards. No one played. Mica made breakfast. No one ate much. Freya took photos. No one posed.
Care and Cole weren't arguing. They were sitting on the couch, close, not talking. Cole's arm was around Care's shoulders. Care's head was on his chest. Everyone pretended not to notice.
Alex was reading on the porch. Lyra was beside him, pretending to read. Her book was upside down.
Jay wandered from room to room. She couldn't sit still. She couldn't focus. She kept looking for him. Keifer. He wasn't in the living room. Wasn't in the kitchen. Wasn't on the porch.
She found him in the garden.
He was sitting on the stone bench, looking at the volcano. The shark was beside him. The one he'd won. The one she'd left on her bed.
She walked over. Sat down beside him. Not close.
He didn't look at her.
"You took the shark," she said.
"You left it under your blanket."
"I didn't want to look at it."
"Because it reminded you of me?"
She was quiet. "Because it reminded me of what I did."
He finally looked at her. "What did you do?"
She met his eyes. "I kissed you and then I pretended it didn't happen."
"You didn't pretend. You ran."
"I ran."
He turned back to the volcano. "I've been running after you for fifteen years, Jay. I'm tired."
Her chest tightened. "I know."
"I don't want to run anymore."
"I know."
"But I don't want to stand still either."
She looked at him. "What do you want?"
He was quiet for a long time. The clouds moved. The wind blew. The garden was still.
"I want you to figure out what you want," he said finally. "And I want you to tell me. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not when you're ready. Just—when you know."
She nodded slowly. "Okay."
He stood up. He left the shark on the bench.
"Keifer."
He stopped.
She picked up the shark. She held it out to him.
"Keep it," she said. "For now."
He looked at the shark. At her. Back at the shark.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to lose it. And I don't trust myself to hold onto it."
He took it. Their fingers brushed. Neither of them moved.
"Jay."
"Yeah?"
"I'm not going to wait forever."
"I know."
He walked away.
She sat on the bench, alone, watching the clouds cover the volcano.
---
By afternoon, the tension had spread through the whole house.
Yuri was pacing. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS. SOMEONE FIX IT."
"Fix what?" Mica asked.
"THEM. WHATEVER IS HAPPENING BETWEEN THEM. FIX IT."
"You can't fix other people's feelings, Yuri."
"WATCH ME."
He marched toward the garden. Calix grabbed his arm.
"Yuri. No."
"THEY NEED TO TALK!"
"They need to figure it out themselves."
"THEY'RE BOTH STUBBORN!"
"So are you."
"THAT'S DIFFERENT!"
"How?"
Yuri opened his mouth. Closed it. "I don't have an answer for that."
"Then sit down."
Yuri sat.
In the corner, Care and Cole were whispering. Care's hand was on Cole's knee. Cole's hand was on hers. They weren't arguing. They hadn't argued all day.
"Are they okay?" Lyra whispered to Alex.
"They're in love," Alex said.
"Care and Cole?"
"Jay and Keifer."
Lyra looked at him. "What about us?"
Alex was quiet for a moment. Then: "We're best friends."
"Best friends."
"Best friends."
They looked at each other. Neither of them said anything else.
---
Jay found Keifer on the porch at sunset.
He was alone. The shark was beside him.
She sat down. Not close. Not far.
"I've been thinking," she said.
"About what?"
"About what I want."
He waited.
"I don't have an answer," she said. "I don't know what I want. But I know I don't want to lose you."
He looked at her. "You're not going to lose me."
"You said you weren't going to wait forever."
"I said I wasn't going to wait forever. I didn't say I was leaving."
She looked at her hands. "I kissed you because I was jealous. I saw that girl touching you and I wanted to scream. I wanted to push her away. I wanted to—" She stopped.
"You wanted to what?"
She looked at him. "I wanted to mark you. So everyone would know you're mine."
He went very still.
She looked away. "That's stupid."
"It's not stupid."
"It's possessive. And childish. And—"
"It's honest."
She looked at him. "You're not scared?"
"I've been telling you I'm yours since I was fourteen. You finally believing it isn't scary. It's—" He stopped.
"What?"
He picked up the shark. He held it out to her.
"Take it."
She took it. "Why?"
"Because you're not going to run anymore."
She looked at the shark. Blue. Soft. Reminded her of him.
"I'm not making any promises," she said.
"I'm not asking for promises."
"What are you asking for?"
He looked at her. "Just don't hide."
She nodded. "Okay."
They sat on the porch, watching the sunset. The shark was in her lap. He was beside her. Close enough to touch. Not touching.
---
That night, the house was different.
Not back to normal. Not fixed. But different.
Yuri finally got his card game. Mica won. Calix came in second. Yuri came in last and accused everyone of cheating.
Care and Cole argued about the rules for twenty minutes. Then Cole kissed her forehead. Care stopped arguing. Everyone pretended not to notice.
Freya showed everyone the photos from the amusement park. The roller coaster. The cotton candy. The Ferris wheel at sunset.
She didn't show the photo of the kiss.
Jay noticed. She didn't say anything.
Lyra and Alex sat on the couch, watching the card game. Their shoulders touched. Neither of them moved.
And Jay sat in the corner, holding the shark, watching Keifer laugh at something Yuri said.
He caught her looking. He didn't smile. He didn't look away.
She didn't either.
---
Later, when the house was quiet, she found him in the hallway.
He was coming out of the bathroom. She was coming out of her room.
They stopped.
"Can't sleep?" he asked.
"No."
"Me neither."
She held up the shark. "You gave this back to me."
"You wanted it."
"I didn't say I wanted it."
"You took it."
She looked at the shark. "I'm going to keep it."
"Okay."
"On my bed. Where I can see it."
"Okay."
She looked at him. "Keifer."
"Yeah?"
"I'm not ready."
"I know."
"But I'm not hiding."
He nodded. "Goodnight, Jay."
"Goodnight, Keifer."
She went into her room. She put the shark on her pillow.
She didn't hide it under the blanket.
---
End of Chapter Sixteen