As time passed, almost six months of my 10th standard had already gone by. Everything felt like it was moving too fast. The same school, same classrooms, same routine… but something inside me had started changing slowly.🙂
Half-yearly exams were about to begin. Everywhere around me, there was tension. Students were revising, teachers were reminding us how important this year was, and even at home, everyone kept saying the same thing—"10th boards decide your future."
And yes… I was scared too. I tried to focus, tried to study seriously, tried to keep my mind on books. But along with that pressure… there was another thought constantly running in my mind. A thought that scared me even more.
"Only six months left."
After that… my 10th would end, his 12th would end, and he would leave. College. A completely different life. And me? I would still be here. In the same school… but without him. That thought hurt in a way I couldn't explain. "What will happen then?" "Will I ever see him again?"
"Will we ever even talk properly?"
Or…
"Will this just end… without even starting?"
The more I thought about it, the more restless I became. Exams started soon after. Normally, exams mean stress, discussions, comparing answers, worrying about marks… but for me, it felt different. Because even during exams… my focus wasn't completely on studies. Before every exam, as I stood in the lobby, holding my admit card and pretending to revise… my eyes were always searching.
Searching for him.
After every exam too, when students gathered to discuss answers, I didn't feel interested at all. My friends would start talking—"What did you write for question 3?" "Was the answer B or C?"—but I barely listened. Because all I wanted was… to see him. Even if just for a second. I knew his usual spot. Near the parking area. With his friends. Discussing papers like normal students do. And every time, after finishing my exam, I would somehow end up going there. Not directly. Not obviously. But slowly… casually… pretending like I was just walking with my friends. My friends thought I was with them, discussing papers, but in reality… I was just acting. Pretending to listen. Pretending to talk. While my eyes were somewhere else. On him.👀 Those few seconds, those small glimpses… became the most important part of my day. Even during exams. Even in all that stress. Because no matter how hard the paper was… seeing him made everything feel lighter. And somehow… those moments became special. More special than they should have been. Days passed like this, one exam after another. And then… the last paper arrived. There was a different kind of excitement in the air because after that—exams would end and Diwali vacation would start. That day, due to the celebration mood, the school allowed us to wear coloured clothes instead of uniforms. For a moment, I didn't think much about it. But then suddenly… I remembered something. The first time I saw him in black. I don't know why, but that memory stayed with me. And without thinking too much, I decided—I would wear black. Maybe it didn't mean anything. Maybe it was just a coincidence. But still… it felt special. When I reached school that day, everything felt different again. Students were more relaxed, smiling, excited for holidays. The pressure of exams was almost over. But my heart was focused on something else. Or rather… someone else. And then I saw him. Standing there. Wearing purple. For a second, I just stood still. Purple. My favourite colour. Out of all the colours… he chose that. I don't know why, but that moment made me smile instantly.😍
It felt like a strange coincidence again. Like something small, but meaningful… at least to me. He looked good. Simple. Comfortable. Effortless. Just like always. I didn't know it then, but later I came to know—it was his birthday 🎂.
That made the moment feel even more special. The last exam went by quickly, or maybe I just didn't notice time passing, because my mind kept going back to that one thought—"this is the last day… before vacation."After the exam ended, everything felt lighter. Students were happy, talking loudly, making plans for holidays. And just like that… half-yearly exams were over. Diwali vacations had begun. But as I walked out of school that day, one thought stayed quietly in my mind—even though everything around me was ending… these small moments… these feelings… they weren't ending. If anything… they were only getting stronger. 💫
Diwali vacations had started, and for the first time in so many days, there was no school, no corridors, no terrace, no accidental glances… and no him. Everything felt quieter than usual, almost too quiet. At first, I thought I would finally be able to focus on myself, on studies, on enjoying the festival with family.🌟But it didn't take long for me to realize that something was missing.🙃 Or maybe… someone. Even during the busy Diwali preparations, the lights, the sweets, the family time—my mind would still wander back to those small moments in school. The way I used to see him every day, even if just for a few seconds. And now, suddenly, that routine was gone. One day, I decided to go to my best friend's house. I thought maybe spending time with her would distract me a little. When I reached her house, everything felt normal again. We talked, laughed, shared random things like we always did. But as expected… the topic somehow came back to him. It always did. At one point, while we were just sitting casually, I asked her something that had been on my mind for a while. "Did he follow you?" I asked, trying to sound normal, even though I was clearly curious. She looked at me and said, "Yeah, he sent me a request when he had a crush on me." For a second, I didn't know how to react. I already knew about his past crush on her, but hearing it again like this made me feel something strange. A small sadness, maybe. A quiet kind of discomfort. Like a reminder that I wasn't part of his story. But that feeling didn't stay for long. Because right after that, another thought came to my mind—and this time, it made me smile. "At least… through this, I can get his ID." That one thought changed everything. Suddenly, the sadness didn't matter anymore. I looked at my friend and said, "Can you send me his ID?" She looked at me for a second, then smiled knowingly. "Ohhh, so this is the real reason," she teased. "Shut up and just send it," I replied, trying to hide my excitement. She laughed and handed me her phone. My hands felt slightly nervous as I took it. It was such a small thing—just an account, just a profile—but for me, it felt like something much bigger. Like I was getting one step closer to him in a way I never had before. I searched for his profile, and when I finally saw it… I don't know why, but I just stared at it for a few seconds. His name. His picture. It all felt so real and yet so distant at the same time. I quickly sent the ID to my phone, making sure I had it saved. That was enough for that moment. Or at least, that's what I told myself. Because the next step… sending him a request… that didn't feel so easy. I gave the phone back to my friend, trying to act normal again, but inside, my mind was already overthinking everything. "Should I send him a request?" "What if he accepts?" "What if he doesn't?" "What if he thinks something weird?" I wasn't that confident. I was quiet, a little shy, and honestly… a little scared too. So I decided not to send the request right then. I just kept his ID with me, like a secret. Like something special that only I knew. After that, we both went out to a café for lunch. The place was nice, calm, and filled with soft conversations and laughter. My best friend kept talking about random things, joking, making fun of me, bringing up his name again and again just to tease me. I tried to act annoyed, but deep down, I didn't mind at all. Because every time she mentioned him… it made me feel closer to him somehow. We ordered food, ate slowly, laughed over silly things, clicked some random pictures… it was a good day. A really good day. But even in the middle of all that happiness, my mind kept going back to one thing—his ID. It was like a small thought that refused to leave. After spending some more time together, I finally went back home. As soon as I reached my room, I sat down quietly and opened my phone. My heart started beating faster without any reason. I opened his profile again. Just looking at it felt enough for a moment. But then… the same question came back again. "Should I send him a request?" My finger hovered over the button. I could send it in just one second. Just one tap. But I didn't. I kept thinking. Overthinking. Imagining different outcomes. "What if he accepts?" "What if he ignores it?" "What if he remembers me?" "Or… what if he doesn't even recognize me?" I put my phone down. Then picked it up again. Then again kept it aside. It was such a small action… but it felt so big to me. That night, even after lying in bed, I couldn't stop thinking about it. My mind kept going in circles. One moment I felt confident—"I should just send it, what's the big deal?" And the next moment, I felt nervous again—"No, what if something goes wrong?" I smiled to myself, realizing how something so simple had become so important to me. Maybe it wasn't just about sending a request. Maybe it was about taking a step. A step out of my comfort zone. A step closer to him. But I wasn't ready yet. Not completely. So I just held onto that moment… that possibility… without actually acting on it. And as I slowly closed my eyes, one thought stayed with me—maybe tomorrow, I'll send it. Or maybe… I'll wait a little longer. 💫