The air in the back kitchen was thick with the lemony scent of dish soap and the sour stench of old grease, mixed together into a unique fragrance known as wage-slave hell.
Kōichi mechanically repeated the motions of scrubbing, rinsing, and stacking, his eyes so empty it looked like he was engaged in some kind of Zen training.
Beside him, Kazuma wore the same ashen expression. The light had all but faded from his dead-fish eyes, yet his arms kept furiously scrubbing plates through sheer muscle memory.
"Hey, Kazuma-san." Kōichi suddenly spoke, his voice so low it sounded like it was rising from the bottom of a well. "Tell me, if we had not picked that idiot Goddess back then and had chosen a divine sword that could kill in one blow instead, would we be sitting at the king's banquet right now, surrounded by girls and enjoying the treatment reserved for Heroes?"
Kazuma's hands paused for a moment. He did not look up, only replied in the same lifeless tone, "I do not even dare think about something like that... Though if it were me, I probably would have picked some Divine Treasure that lets you turn invisible or see through things. That kind of stuff is a man's romance, after all."
Kōichi turned to look at Kazuma's face. Exhausted as it was, it still carried that unmistakably sleazy edge, and a bitter smile unconsciously tugged at the corner of his mouth.
At that moment, their eyes met again, as if in each other's grease-stained, exhausted pupils they saw another version of themselves. The version that longed to get something for nothing, that had its head full of dirty thoughts, that always dropped the ball at the critical moment and yet somehow still managed to keep going.
"Heh... looks like we really are made for each other." Kōichi let out a self-mocking laugh and handed the freshly washed plate to Kazuma. "I hate to admit it, but meeting a piece of trash like you in a place like this actually makes me feel a little relieved."
"Same here." Kazuma took the plate and expertly flicked off the water droplets. "You may be a complete scumbag, but at least you are the kind of scumbag who can roll around in the mud with me. In a world full of monsters, that is more reliable than any divine sword."
Just as that strange, sour-smelling sense of mutual appreciation was about to evolve into something called bromance, a crisp, heartbreaking crash shattered the peace of the kitchen.
Crash!
Kōichi and Kazuma whipped their heads around like they had been electrocuted, just in time to see Aqua standing innocently in the middle of a pile of white shards, still clutching half a broken plate in her hand. Her blue hair was covered in foam, and her big watery eyes were staring at the two of them in terror.
"Ah... um... this plate, it... it slipped out of my hands on its own just now! Really! I was holding it tight! It had to be because the grease on it was too slippery! Or maybe the plate was already cracked! This is absolutely not my fault!" Aqua babbled in panic as she tried to kick the shards under the cabinet with her foot to hide them.
"Hey! What number is that today?!" Kazuma exploded on the spot. He rushed over, grabbed Aqua by the shoulders, and shook her wildly. "Do you know how much one plate costs? That is 100 Eris! The second you broke that, all the plates we just washed were for nothing! Are you a spy sent by the Demon King? Did you come here specifically to increase our debt?!"
Looking at the pile of shattered pieces on the floor, Kōichi felt his blood pressure rising. Then he took a deep breath, walked up to Aqua, and pressed a hand onto hers with the utmost seriousness.
"Aqua-sama, in order to keep the three of us from washing dishes in this kitchen until our next lives, I have a very sincere suggestion."
Aqua blinked, her face full of expectation. "W-what suggestion? Does it mean I do not have to wash anymore?"
"Exactly." Kōichi nodded and pointed at the huge wooden tub in the corner used for dirty water. "From now on, all you need to do is sit over there. Even if all you do is zone out, sleep, or count ants, that will be far more valuable than you touching a single plate. Understood?"
Aqua froze for a second, then immediately put on an offended expression. "Hah? What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying I cannot even handle something as low-level as washing dishes? I am the all-powerful Goddess of Water! As long as I get serious..."
"I beg you! Please do not get serious!" Kazuma practically dropped to his knees and clutched Aqua's thigh, crying his eyes out. "We are begging you, do not get serious! As long as you do absolutely nothing, that alone is the greatest blessing you can give us! Really! Please!"
Looking at the two men who were already on the verge of breaking down, Aqua finally realized how serious the situation was.
She sniffled, set down the half plate in her hand with a wronged look, then quietly walked over to the little stool in the corner and sat down. Hugging her knees, she buried her face in them and let out soft whimpers like an abandoned puppy.
"Wah... mortals these days are so hard to please... I was only trying to help..."
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged a glance and both let out a sigh of relief.
They might have gained one more mouth to feed that did nothing but eat, but at least the debt would not keep growing exponentially.
"Alright, Kazuma-san, forget that useless Goddess." Kōichi rolled his sleeves back up, his eyes turning determined again. "For our freedom, and for a somewhat decent place to sleep tonight, let's do this!"
"Oh! For freedom! And for never having to wash dishes again!" Kazuma's fighting spirit flared back to life as well.
The back kitchen once again filled with the rhythmic sounds of scrubbing and rinsing, but this time, with one source of trouble removed, there was now an extra layer of wordless understanding and grim resolve between the two men.
At last, the mountain of dishes in the kitchen was reduced to nothing. Kōichi shook out his aching arms, then looked at the blue figure curled up in the corner, drawing circles in the air, and could not help muttering to Kazuma beside him,
"Hey, Kazuma-san. Do you think this idiot... might actually be faking it? Smashing the dishes on purpose, then putting on that pathetic little act so we would think she is useless and feel perfectly justified doing all the work for her?"
Kōichi narrowed his eyes and looked Aqua up and down, trying to spot even the slightest flaw in the performance on that face that practically said, I'm so wronged, but I'm still adorable. "She is a Goddess, after all. She has lived that long, so maybe she already sees right through mortal psychology and knows exactly how to use our sympathy to slack off. This is the highest level of workplace slacking."
Kazuma stopped drying his hands. His dead-fish eyes slowly turned toward Aqua, his expression deepening into something sharp and serious, as though he were contemplating a philosophical question tied to the future of humanity.
"I suspected that too." Kazuma lowered his voice, as serious as if he were discussing a state secret. "When she broke that plate just now, I paid close attention to her micro-expressions. That panic, that helplessness, that idiotic look she had when she seemed ready to eat the shards just to destroy the evidence..."
He paused, drew in a deep breath, then shook his head heavily. "No, Kōichi. I can tell you with complete certainty, that was not an act. No Oscar-winning actress could pull off that kind of crystal-clear stupidity so naturally. That was the pure, unfiltered aura of idiocy, straight from the depths of her soul."
Kōichi looked over just in time to see Aqua trying to turn a passing cockroach into Holy Water, only to get scared by the cockroach instead and jump onto the stool, shivering all over. The corner of his mouth twitched.
"...Alright, you are right." Kōichi had no choice but to accept that cruel reality. "If she is acting, then the price she is paying just to avoid washing dishes is way too high. Throwing away even a Goddess's dignity just to skip a few plates? Only a real idiot would make a deal that bad."
"That is what I am saying..." Kazuma patted Kōichi on the shoulder, his voice carrying the bleak sadness of shared suffering. "We are really screwed this time. We dragged along dead weight that cannot fight, cannot tank, and cannot even handle support work. We have a long road ahead of us, brother."
Just then, Aqua finally seemed to notice the way the two of them were looking at her, the kind of gaze reserved for showing concern to a profoundly hopeless child.
She hopped down from the stool, planted her hands on her hips with perfect confidence, and pointed at the now spotless stack of dishes.
"Hmph! What are you staring at?! If this Goddess had not been standing over here using divine power to bless you with a dishwashing efficiency boost, do you really think you could have finished that fast? Hurry up and thank me!"
Kōichi and Kazuma looked at each other and both gave the same weary smile, the kind that said Yep, figures.
"Yes, yes, thank you for the blessing, Aqua-sama," Kōichi replied halfheartedly, then turned toward the kitchen door. "Come on, Kazuma-san. Let's go settle things with the boss lady and see if we can get some leftovers for dinner. As for this great hero... let her stay here and bask in her own glory a little longer."
"Hey! Wait for me! I want dinner too!" The moment Aqua heard there was food involved, she immediately threw her Goddessly dignity out the window and scampered after them, sticking to the two of them like a tail.
When they stepped out of the back kitchen, the sky outside had already gone dark.
Axel at night was just starting to come alive, and the taverns were filling with the laughter and chatter of adventurers.
As for Kōichi and the other two, they had just finished their first job in this Fantasy World, had not a coin to their names, and still had to face the harsh question of where they were going to sleep that night.