The luxury passenger carriage, originally designed for only four or five people, now had eight crammed into it.
Inside the cramped compartment, the air had grown thin, and it was filled with all kinds of subtle scents: the dampness from Aqua, the gunpowder smell clinging to Megumin's robes, the metallic tang of Darkness's armor, and a certain incredibly sweet, soft feminine fragrance.
To maximize his personal benefits, Kōichi showed tactical ability worthy of a Demon King's General when boarding the carriage.
With one kick, he sent Dust, who had been trying to grab a good spot, flying out to the driver's bench beside the coachman to enjoy the cold wind. Then, in the name of the Mages' Guild, he forcibly wedged himself between Wiz and Yunyun.
As for Kazuma Satou, because he was half a step too slow, he ended up tragically sandwiched between Aqua and Megumin, who was clutching her enormous staff.
The carriage rolled along the bumpy trade route, the compartment jolting violently with every turn of the wheels.
"It's so… so cramped…"
Yunyun huddled in the corner like a frightened rabbit, her overly developed chest pressed by her arms into a breathtaking curve.
Just then, one of the wheels rolled over a huge stone. The entire carriage lurched upward, then slammed heavily to one side.
"Whoa!"
Amid everyone's cries of alarm, the carriage instantly descended into chaos.
Kōichi felt his balance slip, and his whole body toppled uncontrollably, or perhaps half-willingly, to the left.
The next second, his cheek and both hands sank into an astonishing softness.
The sensation carried the faint chill unique to a Lich, yet it was as smooth and bottomless as the finest pudding.
"Yaaah! K-Kōichi-san?!" Wiz let out a flustered, sweet-sounding shriek. Her beautiful face instantly turned bright red, and she instinctively tried to push Kōichi away with both hands, but because the carriage was so crowded, it instead became a half-resisting embrace.
Any normal gentleman would have immediately gotten up and apologized.
But Kōichi was a man well-versed in the path of shameless depravity.
Not only did he not get up right away, he even pretended he still hadn't regained his balance, burying his face deeper into that cool softness. His hands, meanwhile, brazenly measured those astonishing proportions.
"S-sorry, Wiz-san. The carriage is shaking too much. I can't get up…" Kōichi mumbled in an utterly innocent tone.
"I-it's all right! It's my fault. As a Lich, my body temperature is too low. With you pressed so close, Kōichi-san, you must feel cold, right? Oh no, I'm so sorry…"
Wiz didn't suspect Kōichi's motives at all. Instead, she felt guilty over her chilly constitution, and even gently patted his back in an attempt to comfort him.
Just as Kōichi was enjoying the double service of a Lich lap pillow and face cleanser, the carriage took another sharp turn.
This time, Kōichi let the momentum carry him to the right.
His thigh wedged hard between Yunyun's legs, his firm knee pressing straight into the unguarded depths beneath the Crimson Demon Clan girl's skirt. One of his hands also, quite accidentally, landed on Yunyun's equally impressive chest.
"Hyaa!" Yunyun let out an extremely adorable squeak, her whole body instantly going stiff as a board.
Her brain completely shut down in that moment, and spirals seemed to flash wildly in her purple eyes.
"Oh dear, Yunyun, I'm really sorry. The road is just awful." Kōichi smiled as he raised his head, but his hand and thigh seemed to have taken root, remaining firmly in place. He even rubbed slightly with malicious intent.
"N-no! It's fine!" Yunyun's face was bright red, steam practically rising from her head. She desperately recalled the unreliable friendship guides she had read and stammered, "T-this is what the books call… physical contact between friends to deepen their bond, right?! I-I understand! As Kōichi-san's companion, this level of contact is completely acceptable! P-please, deepen our bond as much as you like!"
Seeing Yunyun clearly so embarrassed she was about to faint, yet still forcing herself to stay calm and accept this baptism of friendship, Kōichi's wicked grin nearly stretched to his ears.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the carriage, Kazuma Satou was in absolute hell.
"Haa… haa… It's so tight… Being squeezed into such a tiny space with so many people, even breathing is difficult…" Darkness panted with her face flushed, her rigid Crusader Knight armor digging hard into Kazuma's ribs. "And every time the carriage jolts, Kazuma's sweat-stinking body slams into me… This humiliating crush of bodies is simply wonderful! Please squeeze me harder!"
"You perverted female Knight, shut up! My ribs are going to break!" Kazuma wailed in agony while also dodging the end of Megumin's staff, which kept jabbing toward his nostrils with every bump.
When he finally managed to turn his head and saw Kōichi surrounded on both sides, perfectly at home amid the softness of Wiz and Yunyun, two streams of blood-red tears of jealousy flowed from Kazuma's eyes.
"Kōichi!! You damn normie! I challenge you to a duel! Trade places with me, aaaaah!"
"Shut up, shut-in! You're going to make me spill my bubbly!"
Aqua smacked Kazuma on the back of the head.
The cramped carriage was filled with a joyful atmosphere.
Just as Kōichi was preparing to further deepen his profound friendship with Yunyun under the pretext of checking his friend's heart rate, the speeding carriage suddenly let out a piercing screech of friction, followed by an abrupt stop violent enough to make someone throw up last night's dinner.
"Whoa!" Kōichi's face sank deep into Wiz's cool, springy embrace once again, while Yunyun was thrown forward by inertia and landed directly on Kōichi's back. Those heavy fruits pressed against his back through the thin robe, forming an extremely clear shape.
"M-monsters! It's Orcs! A huge group of Orcs is charging this way!" The coachman's terrified scream sounded especially shrill on the silent forest road.
"Tch. There's always some clueless small fry ruining things at the most important moment." Kōichi reluctantly pushed himself up from Wiz's healing embrace, then casually patted Yunyun's fear-stiffened thigh to comfort her. "Kazuma, stop playing dead. Hurry up and get to work. Let's finish them off quickly so we can come back and keep deepening our bonds."
"That's exactly what I was thinking! I can't stand being in this place full of sweat stink and metal lumps for even one more second!"
As if granted a pardon, Kazuma shoved Darkness aside and scrambled out of the carriage.
Kōichi jumped down right after him. What came into view was a scene that would make any normal man feel physically ill, yet would make a certain female Knight's soul ascend.
From the woods ahead of the trade route emerged more than a dozen Orcs, each over two meters tall, their bodies packed with bulging muscle, their skin dark green, and their faces marked by distinctive pig-like snouts.
They swung crude spiked clubs in their hands, suspicious drool dripping from their mouths. Most chilling of all, every one of them wore nothing but a ragged piece of animal hide around the waist, and an overwhelming aura of raw, primal wildness rolled off them.