Just as Kōichi's legs were about to burst into flames from all that high-speed trembling, he spotted the blue-haired goddess up ahead, leisurely stuffing potato chips into her mouth and even trying to sketch Kazuma's miserable state.
(Aqua! Since you love watching the show so much, why don't you get a close-up taste of the wild side?)
Kōichi let out a deranged cackle in his mind, then suddenly accelerated. His whole body blurred into an afterimage as he charged straight toward Aqua's picnic blanket, which was covered in premium sparkling wine and expensive snacks.
"Hey! Kōichi! Why are you running toward me?!" Aqua put down her sketchbook and waved him off with a look of disgust. "Didn't I tell you? These pig-headed men are only interested in males like you, with your heads full of trash. As long as a pure Goddess like me is sitting here, they'll avoid me like I'm filth... Huh?"
Before Aqua could finish, Kōichi slid along the ground like a slippery eel, passing right between her legs. On the way through, he also snatched the unopened collector's edition sparkling wine worth 100,000 Eris.
"You bastard, Kōichi! That's my lifeblood! Give it back!!" Aqua sprang up in fury and was just about to grab the hem of Kōichi's clothes when she suddenly felt an overwhelming pressure bearing down from behind her.
The Orc Queen charging after Kōichi only had eyes for the dark-haired young man who had stolen away her desired husband. As for Aqua, who happened to be standing in her path, she was not some noble Goddess in the Orc Queen's eyes. She did not even count as a female creature. She was just a brightly colored, extremely annoying roadblock.
"Get lost! Don't get in my way when I'm grabbing my man!!"
The Orc Queen let out a thunderous roar. Her enormous palm, thicker than Aqua's waist and carrying enough brute force to smash stone, casually swung toward Aqua's delicate face.
"SMACK—!!!"
A crisp, beautiful slap rang out across the sky.
"Ugh... Waaaaahhhhhhh—!!!"
Aqua did not even have time to cast defensive magic. Her entire body flew off like a baseball struck by a home run, tracing a graceful blue arc through the air. With her signature scream, full of terror and grievance, she was sent flying straight into the depths of the distant forest.
The potato chips, snacks, and wine glasses on the picnic blanket were instantly crushed into powder beneath the Orc Queen's iron hooves.
"Oooh! Home run!" Kōichi stopped a short distance away, hugging the stolen sparkling wine as he watched the blue flash vanish beyond the horizon in amazement. "As expected of a Goddess. Even the way she flies has artistic flair. Kazuma, did you see that? This is the highest level of shifting disaster onto someone else!"
"...Kō...ichi... you... demon..." Kazuma Satou's nearly inaudible voice drifted out from the grass. He was currently pinned under three Orcs stacked on top of him like a human pyramid, half his soul already drifting out of his body as he weakly reached toward the direction Aqua had flown. "Take me... with you..."
Unfortunately, the Orc Queen did not stop after swatting Aqua away. If anything, removing the obstacle only made her more excited.
She turned her head, her small eyes filled with primal desire locking onto Kōichi once again, drool stretching even farther from the corner of her mouth.
"Hehehe, little black-haired boy, your Goddess friend has already flown away. Now no one can interrupt our honeymoon! Be a good boy and put on this nose ring!!"
The Orc Queen pulled that huge metal nose ring from her waist, the one giving off a suspicious smell, and began spinning it through the air like a lasso.
(Tch. So Aqua only bought me three seconds? What a useless Goddess!)
By then, Kōichi had already retreated to Wiz and Yunyun's side.
Wiz was trembling in fear, while Yunyun stared blankly at Aqua flying away, having completely forgotten to cast a spell.
"Wiz! Yunyun! Stop spacing out!" Kōichi shouted while swiftly pulling out his Adventurer Card. "If you don't do something, your good friend is going to end up shaped like a pig-headed man!!"
On the merchant road, what had originally been a picnic livestream show had finally turned into a real free-for-all after Aqua's light-speed exit.
"Megumin! Do it! Don't worry about me! Use your Explosion Magic and send me to the afterlife together with these pig-headed men!! My soul and body are already completely unclean!! I'd rather be reduced to ashes than get dragged back by these things to sire piglets!!"
Kazuma Satou's desperate plea came from deep in the grass. An Orc was forcing some kind of strangely fragrant wild fruit into his mouth, while his hands clawed helplessly at the air, as if trying to grasp the last thread of salvation.
"Since you're begging me like that, then as your comrade, I shall grant your final wish! My name is Megumin, the greatest genius of the Crimson Demon Clan..."
A dangerous red light gleamed in Megumin's eyes, and destructive magical power had already begun gathering around her staff.
"Stop, stop, stop!! Megumin, knock it off!!" Kōichi rushed over in one step and clamped down hard on the tip of Megumin's staff. "If you cast Explosion Magic now, our carriage, our luggage, and the remaining half bottle of 100,000-Eris wine will all be gone! More importantly, do you really want Axel's headline to be 'Genius Wizard Blows Up Teammate'?!"
"Tch. How boring." Megumin clicked her tongue and put away her staff with a disappointed look. "Kōichi, you have no appreciation for art."
Just then, Darkness, who had been holding back her frustration to the limit, finally exploded.
She drew the greatsword that had never once hit anyone, her face flushed as she stepped between Kōichi and the Orc Queen. Her breastplate rose and fell with her heavy breathing.
"Hey!! You Orcs! Look over here! I'm the leader of this Party! I have the toughest armor and the... the most easily ravaged body! Hurry up and put down that man who's about to stop breathing, then come subject me to your inhuman brutality! Even if you tear my clothes apart, or drag me back to your tribe in that crude way, I absolutely will not submit... Come on!!"
The Orc Queen froze for a moment, glanced at Darkness in disgust, then turned and shouted to her companions, "Sisters, ignore this perverted woman talking to herself. She doesn't look right in the head. Any child she gives birth to would definitely be an idiot! Let's keep going after the black-haired boy!"
"...Uwooooh!! To think I'd be rejected this badly!! Being publicly humiliated by Monsters for not being right in the head... It feels absolutely amazing!!" Darkness said that, but her body was honest. She activated the [Taunt] skill and forcibly held back the two Orcs trying to charge at Kōichi.
At the same time, Wiz and Yunyun finally made their move.
"S-sorry! I really am sorry, but please sleep for a little while! Cursed Crystal!" Wiz extended her slender hand, and powerful frost magic erupted at once, freezing the feet of several Orcs who were trying to drag Dust away.
"As Kōichi's friend, I absolutely won't let you take him! Lightning Strike!"
Yunyun cried out, and lightning burst among the Orcs. Although she kept the power low enough to avoid killing them, it successfully paralyzed the frenzied female Orcs for a short while.
Kōichi looked over the chaotic battlefield and knew this was the best chance to counterattack.
(Kazuma, I know you're suffering right now, but hang in there a little longer for everyone's sake! I'm coming to save you!)
A wicked smile curved Kōichi's lips. He did not immediately rush over to pull Kazuma free. Instead, he used his agility to dart swiftly through the paralyzed Orcs, heading straight for the ones pinning Kazuma down.