A bloodcurdling scream echoed along the trade route, so shrill it sounded like it might scare every bird in the forest into migrating on the spot.
"Help me!! Don't touch there! That's sacred ground reserved for my future wife! Stop!!" Kazuma Satou let out one last despairing roar, and was then pinned down by three astonishingly heavy female Orcs pouncing on him like starving tigers.
Immediately afterward came a series of grunting noises and the sound of fabric tearing, the kind of scene that made one's face flush and heart race, or rather, stop altogether. Kazuma's frail body, trapped in the Orcs' iron-grip embrace, looked like a screaming rubber chicken being crushed in a hydraulic press, with only his two feet sticking out and twitching weakly.
"Kazuma looks so pathetic, he's a disgrace to men everywhere! Hahahaha! Hey, Kazuma, remember to give your Orc baby a nice name, like Satou Buta-tarō or something… Huh? W-wait! When did you two get behind me?!"
Dust, who had been leaning against a tree and laughing so hard he couldn't straighten up, didn't even have time to wipe the tears from his eyes before two Orc sisters, who had silently flanked him, seized him by the arms from both sides.
"Hehe, this blond one's got a foul mouth, but his frame is nice and sturdy. He'll definitely make strong children!"
"Let go of me!! I'm a noble Dragon Knight… no, I'm Axel's most promising Adventurer! I can't let my bachelor life end here! Kōichi! Save me! Save… Whoa! Don't lick my face! It stinks! Is that pig slop I'm smelling?!"
With a heavy dragging sound, Dust was forcibly shoved down into the grass by the roadside as well, becoming a captive of the Orc sisters' love.
At that moment, the only male creature still running for his life on the entire trade route was Kōichi.
Kōichi had already entered some kind of transcendent state. His legs were pumping so fast they were practically throwing off sparks, and all he could hear was the wind roaring past his ears and the lead Orc's heavy, drumlike footsteps behind him.
"Huff… huff… huff…" Kōichi kept his head down, eyes locked straight ahead, not daring to look back at the two comrades who had already fallen into hell.
He screamed internally, These two useless idiots! They usually brag louder than anyone, but when it matters, they can't even last five minutes?! Kazuma, is that high Luck stat of yours just for show? Did you dump all your luck into finding the most miserable possible way to lose your virginity?! And Dust, you bastard, what were you laughing for?! Great, just great. The Axel Trash Trio is about to be wiped out today!
Meanwhile, at the nearby picnic spot, Aqua was happily munching on potato chips, pointing at the shifting shadows in the grass and yelling.
"Wow! Look, look! Kazuma got flipped over! Ooh, Dust is being courted by three Orcs at once! This is an epic scene! Megumin, hurry up and record it with your Crystal Ball! We'll make a fortune selling this to those old guys once we get back to town!"
"I'd like to record it, but I have to save my magic for Explosion spells," Megumin commented calmly. "Still, Kōichi is really fast. That lead Orc still hasn't caught him. Is this what they call a scumbag's survival instinct?"
"...Kōichi-san, is he really going to be all right?" Wiz had already covered her eyes, but she still couldn't help peeking through her fingers. "That lead Orc seems to be holding something like an engagement ring, though I think it's actually a giant nose ring… If Kōichi-san gets caught, won't he be dragged off and forced into a wedding?"
"...Sob… Why… Why would they rather fight over that loudmouth Dust than even glance at me…"
Darkness had completely withdrawn into herself. She buried her face in the dirt and let out a wail like she had been abandoned by the entire world.
The commotion in the grass could no longer be described as intense. It was practically a small, localized earthquake.
"Stop! Stop it! That's not where you're supposed to put weird fruit!! That's my… Aaaah!! My sacred ground has been invaded! Goddess Eris, please save me! I don't care if you reincarnate me into a world with nothing but Slimes!!"
Kazuma Satou's screams had gone from piercing shrieks to a high-frequency tremble.
Through the gaps between the Orcs' massive, mountainlike backs, one could faintly see that Kazuma's green cloak had been torn into strips and was now hanging from a tree branch like a kite with its string cut.
One huge, bristly pig hoof was pinning Kazuma's chest down, while another Orc let out an utterly horrifying "guhehe" laugh as she clumsily and violently tried to undo the belt that represented Kazuma's final shred of dignity.
"This male is so pale and clean! His skin is smooth, and his cries are full of energy! Tonight, I'll have him make a whole litter of the strongest Orc babies!" the second Orc queen pinning Kazuma down declared in a thunderous voice. Then she planted a passionate, wet kiss thick with the smell of pig feed onto Kazuma's face, whose eyes had already rolled back.
"Pffwooh!!" Kazuma made a sound like a deflating ball, his entire body going rigid in an instant. Then a nearly transparent wisp of soul drifted shakily out of his half-open mouth, his face wearing a peaceful smile that seemed to say he had seen through this filthy world.
Meanwhile, down the slope on the other side, Dust's situation was no better.
"Hey! That's my wallet! No, that's my underwear! That's my… Stop!! Don't look at me like that! I'm a Dragon Knight! I'm a man who once faced a dragon all by himself! You pig-headed freaks, get those barbed tongues off my neck! It stinks! It really stinks!!"
Dust dangled upside down by his legs like a chick caught by an eagle, held aloft by two massive Orc sisters while he weakly flailed his fists in the air.
The Orc sisters were clearly fascinated by his blond hair. They grunted in admiration while taking turns licking Dust's face with tongues like sandpaper, producing scraping noises that set one's teeth on edge.
"Ooh! This male can spray water too, tears! How cute! He's just like the screaming frogs in the mud pits back home!" one of the Orcs shouted excitedly. Then she suddenly pulled Dust into her arms, and her monstrous strength, enough to strangle a bull, made Dust's ribs crack with a crisp snap.
"H-help… Kōichi… take care of the Adventurers Guild's poster girl for me… Tell her… I was actually… taken by pigs… cough, cough…" Dust's head lolled to the side, and he passed out completely. The Orcs clearly had no intention of letting him go, though. If anything, his lack of resistance only made them even more enthusiastic.
"Whoa! Look, look! Kazuma's turned completely into a dead fish, and Dust looks like he's starting to foam at the mouth!" Aqua stood on top of the carriage, holding a pair of binoculars she had acquired from somewhere, her voice as excited as if she were commentating on the Olympic finals. "Megumin, look at that Orc! She's actually trying to feed Kazuma milk?! Sure, it's pig milk, but this has to be the biggest perk of Kazuma's life, right? Hahahaha!"
"...I do feel sorry for them, but this sort of scene is still a little too early for the Crimson Demon Clan." Megumin said that, but her eyes were wider than anyone's, and she had even pulled a bag of dried fruit from her pocket. "Still, Kōichi is still running. If he doesn't do something soon, that lead Orc is going to snare him with that giant nose ring."
"...Sob… Why… Why don't I even get to be part of that shameful play where someone gets fed pig milk…" Darkness had buried her head deep in a dirt pit, her body convulsing violently from overwhelming jealousy and delusion. "This… this ultimate humiliation of being treated as a breeding tool… It should have belonged to me, a Crusader…!"
Listening to the weakening screams of his two comrades behind him, Kōichi felt not the slightest sympathy. Instead, a powerful sense of danger welled up inside him.
He knew that if he didn't do something soon, the next one grunting in the grass would definitely be him!