Hey, Kid.
Hey, Folks.
I hope that his new little book finds you all just as well as the last one left you!
If not better!
You all deserve it, especially after sitting through volume 01 of this series, lmao.
I love you all.
Genuinely.
You have been more loyal than most of the people in my life, and that means the world to me.
I don't know where I would be mentally had I not started posting these old journal entries and such online some years ago for you all to read...
You took to them so well that I had no option but to keep posting!
Even if...
Even if YOU never come to be, Kid.
It was worth it.
Worth all of the people who got to read along and get to know me a bit,
Worth all of the cathartic tears that have been shed while writing these notes to my future...
To You.
Hmm.
Want to know something, Kid?
Folks?
I am freshly single as you read this.
It turns out that the woman I was seeing is actually still married!
How about that?
I can't seem to catch a break when it comes to my love life, you know?
Maybe that is why YOU don't exist...
This love I have... is worth all of the wait.
This love I have is worth all of the weight...
I just have to be patient.
A bit more, I suppose.
If You are meant to be born, maybe it is in the next life?
Or maybe you are out there already with no idea who I am, or that these letters are piling up for you here.
Hmm.
I will let you all get to what you came for, and I am sure it is not me prattling on about a whole bunch of nothing!
Enjoy!
(Pulls out the brand-spanking-new key for the Slappery-Slappish-Slappington 3000.1! since I lost track of the last one this past weekend...I hope no one finds it as figures out what it is, or we might all be in trouble!)
-----
April 6th, 2022.
-----
Dear You.
How have you been?
It has been a while...
I have been so busy.
So tired.
So sad.
So angry.
So confused.
So happy.
So...
Human.
I am single as you... Oops.
As -I- write this. (Was gonna say 'as you read this')
XXXXX XXXXX...
She may have been the woman who was bound to be your mother.
That has changed...
It is bittersweet...
I was so madly in love with her...
8 years, and after all I did...
All I gave.
It ended.
No matter what I gave or did, I just could not get her to fall in love with me...
Listen, Kid.
Love is...
Complex...
Hard.
Painful...
But beautiful.
Just take your time.
Remember this: You can't MAKE anyone love you.
You can't force love.
You can't make someone fall in love with you.
And that is okay.
Just don't waste your time.
Please.
Time is all we have.
Be careful who you open your energy to.
Some humans will take, take, take, take.
Be a giver.
Don't let anyone use you.
I loved XXXXX.
I know you could see that from the last tome.
The first...
I was with her for a good amount, if not ALL of those chapters.
I would assume that by the time you are reading this, she is nothing more than a distant friend of mine, or nothing more than a conglomerate of memories...
XXXXX XXXXX may seem or sound more familiar.
I hope you believe in and understand the real... Very real power of manifestation.
I am manifesting YOU as I write this, and if it works, well?
You should be smiling now.
*smile drawn here.
You are a combination of myself, your beautiful mother, and stardust, and earth soil.
You are real and whole and unique and amazing.
And mine.
I have loved you since before you were born.
I will love you even when I become stardust and earth soil again.
-Dad.
-----
Hmm.
What are the odds that I break up with the woman I am talking to just as THIS journal entry pops up?
That is wild...
This is the first entry of this journal, and it happens to be talking about the fact that I was freshly single.
The irony of it, yeah.
Hmm.
I am and always have been an "everything happens for a reason" kinda guy, you know?
It hurts, but I wasn't meant to be with her, or she would have been honest about her relationship status from the start.
I say all of that, to say all of this:
She isn't your mother either.
And here we are in volume 02!
LMFAO!
HOW MUCH LONGER MUST I WAIT FOR YOU!?
Lol.
Bah.
I laugh, but I am in pain.
Just a bit...
I really did like her, and I was falling in love with her just as that bomb dropped.
Bah, and bah again.
Life is like that at times, especially for me, lol.
Always a catch of some sort.
I will be just fine, Kid.
Folks.
You have my word.
I am rather resilient.
-This entry was what it was, the first of many to come, and a declaration of freedom from my past.
My exe.
She would follow me for an additional two years after we split up.
After I found the courage to leave her and try to start my new life.
She called, texted, and messaged me.
Love bombing with attention and sex.
It worked because I let it work.
Because a part of me still loved something about here.
Some "good" that I had thought I saw once upon a time.
Hmm.
People will mask up and show you exactly what you want to see, you know?
Be wary.
-I left my ex in 2022 only to fall into the bed and arms of one of my other exes. The crazy part?
That was for the best.
I needed that anchor.
That distraction.
I needed to be yanked away from my ex, or I would have never left.
I was so enthralled by her lies and promises that I simply would have stayed until I inevitably committed suicide.
Crazier still that she wouldn't have cared much.
She would have grieved for a couple of months, then moved on.
I never meant much to her besides helping with the bills, you know?
That was made pretty clear to me over the 8... over the 10 years I gave her.
I was just too stupid to open my eyes and see it for what it was.
She was just too selfish to tell me that she wanted nothing to do with me outside of just friends, so she sat and made herself comfortable with mt spoiling her and working myself to the bone.
Be wary, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
Some people will take until you have nothing left to give, then blame you for not being enough.
2022 was the hardest year of my life, Kid.
I had to walk away from the woman I thought was the love of my life.
No easy feat, especially thinking that you would never be born to who I thought was going to be your mother.
Bah.
I suppose we both dodged a bullet, huh?
I am not tethered to her via You, and you and not genetically cursed with half of that families DNA.
Sheesh..
I will leave you all with that!
I feel like I am talking your ears off, lol.
I love you, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
Thank you again and always for your time, and energy, and loyalty!
Safe travels out there, yeah?
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.