The nocturnal hours had elapsed, and my solitude was punctuated solely by the anguished sobs that convulsed my frame.
Exhaustion had taken hold, yet my tears seemed to flow with an inexorable persistence.
The morning light revealed the toll of my nocturnal lamentations, my eyes swollen and reddened from the unrelenting deluge.
Now, I stood at the window, my gaze lost in the vast expanse beyond the confines of my chamber.
The yearning to escape and breathe the fresh air was palpable, but the room's design, bereft of a balcony, and Aldrake's orders to his pack members still stand - no food or water for me.
Hours had ticked by since I assumed this stationary posture, my mind consumed by the events of the previous night.
The words I had uttered in the presence of Aldrake still resonated within me, their implications reverberating like a profound introspection.
It was as if the Moon Goddess had imbued me with an ephemeral courage, empowering me to articulate the sentiments that had long been suppressed.
But a part of me isn't happy about what I said. I'm worried about what will happen if he actually rejects me.
I remember his words - he's afraid of what will happen to his pack and himself if he rejects me.
He's selfish, only thinking about his own interests. He doesn't want to let me go because he knows it will weaken him and his wolf.
He's keeping me by his side just to maintain his pack's stability and his own position. The memories of his past transgressions, including the fratricide that had secured his position, resurfaced with unflinching clarity.
His actions bespoke a calculating ruthlessness, a willingness to prioritize his own interests above all else.
And yet, I had succumbed to the depths of love for this individual, a love that had become an all-consuming force within me.
The question that echoed through my mind was one of profound introspection: why had I invested so profoundly in this relationship, despite the evident toxicity that characterized it?.
Was it the allure of first love, or the inexorable pull of our fated bond? Or perhaps it was the profound resonance of my heart, attuned to the frequency of his presence?. I don't know anymore.
I just want to be happy and free. Three years of staying with him, tolerating him, is enough. It's time to prioritize myself and Lilly's well-being.
In this moment of desperation, I turned to Lilly, my confidante and kin. "Lilly, forgive me for belatedly realizing the futility of my devotion to him. I am consumed by regret."
Tears streamed down my face again. I miss her voice in my head, her constant reminders that staying with Aldrake would lead to nowhere.
And then, I heard her voice, a gentle whisper that seemed to emanate from the very fabric of my being.
> "You don't need to apologize, Livia." I was taken aback, my senses heightened by the unexpected sound.
"L-Lilly? You're speaking again!" I was overcome with emotion, my heart swelling with joy and gratitude.
I quickly rushed to the mirror to see her. And the moment I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror, I couldn't hold back my sobs anymore.
I gently touched my left eye, where I could see Lilly's eye color shining through. She's here! She's okay now!
A gentle timbre of her voice was a balm to my soul, a soothing melody that seemed to calm the turbulent waters of my mind.
> "Not entirely restored, but I'm managing, Livia. Please, don't worry about me," she said, her words a poignant reminder of the trials we had faced together. But guilt consumed me.
"Sorry" - I repeated the word, knowing that no matter how many times I apologize, it wouldn't undo the pain I've caused her.
I'm not just hurting myself by staying with Aldrake and choosing to love him, but I'm also hurting the one who truly understands me.
It feels like I don't deserve to be connected to Lilly, since all I've given her since we met is pain and disappointment.
She's been hurting because of my st*pidity!!. I don't deserve a loyal wolf and a friend like her, cause all I can repay her is to hurt her.
> "Livia, stop overthinking. You know we're one, so I can hear everything that's going through your mind," she scolded me gently.
A smile crept onto my lips, happy to hear her scolding tone again.
> "You didn't do anything wrong, Livia. Fate's just cruel, and your fated mate happens to be a j*rk like Aldrake." A laugh suddenly burst out into my lips, because of what she calls him.
> "Livia, it's not too late. I know you have a plan for yourself. The world is vast, and you know Aldrake isn't the only one meant for you. We don't have the word 'rejection' in our vocabulary, if we only have one mate. Livia, I'm here to guide you, to accompany you wherever you go or whatever path you take, because I am you, and you are me."
The sadness, yet satisfaction became even clearer from my reflection in the mirror. It was as if Lilly's words caressed my heart, healing the pain I was feeling because of her.
I really don't know what I'd do without Lilly. I'm so grateful to her because she's always there for me, willing to lend a helping hand when I need someone to lean on.
She was right in her assertion that the word "rejection" holds little significance when there is only one fated mate ordained for us in this world.
Much like mortal humans, when the one we hold abandons us, we cling to the hope that another will come along to fill the void.
The protracted period of suffering I have endured, beset on all sides by pain inflicted upon me, has reached its terminus.
The actions of Aldrake have provided sufficient justification for me to extricate myself from this toxic dynamic, to prioritize my own well-being and distance myself from the source of my anguish.
I need to let go of the person who does nothing but make a fool out of me, and hurt me excessively.
I need to let go, because if I don't take control of my own life, worst-case scenario, Lilly will get dragged down with me, if I keep clinging to the hope that Aldrake will prioritize me someday.
I've lost everything - my family has come to despise me because of Amber's actions.
There's no reason left for me to stay, and endure the pain and hardship I'm experiencing in this pack house.
If only I could run and escape from here right now, I'm sure I'd find the motivation to fight and keep going, with Lilly by my side.
Once I'm out, I'll make sure to distance myself and live a quiet and peaceful life - something I should have done a long time ago if I had the courage.
But now, I have the strength to turn my back on the people I valued and loved so much, who only repaid me with pain and suffering.
After our conversation, Lilly bid me farewell. She wasn't feeling one hundred percent yet, so she needed to rest again.
She just tried to talk to me, despite the difficulty, because she wanted me to know that I wasn't alone, that she was with me in my struggles.
Now, I just need to think about how to talk to the elders and the council. Even if Aldrake doesn't reject me, at least I can get a divorce from him, just to cut the connection between us. But the question is, will they allow it?
They need a Luna who's mated to their Alpha, and that's me. But I'll deal with it. I'm determined to leave and free myself from the pain. Besides, if he rejects me, I'm pretty sure he'll find his second fated mate right away.
And who knows, maybe that woman is Amber. And if that's the case, the pack members will be even happier because they favor Amber anyway.
They've all been wishing that Amber was Aldrake's mate and their Luna instead.
Moreover, I'm convinced that Aldrake would be just as thrilled, if not more so, if he were to reject me.
The weight of his disdain has been crushing me, and his words have cut deep into my soul.
He repeatedly made it clear that Amber is far more worthy of being a Luna than I could ever hope to be.
The sting of his rejection would be nothing compared to the agony of knowing that he'd found happiness with someone else - someone who has consistently proven herself to be a thorn in my side.
After my introspection in front of the mirror, I returned to the window. I let out a few deep sighs, my gaze drifting outside.
I wanted to go out and get something to eat, but my room was locked from the outside. And even if I managed to get out, the cook wouldn't give me any food.