Teacher stood up from his chair and came near the student I was trying to copy from,
Teacher looked at him and asked "What?"
He said "Teacher, this question in the question paper is out of syllabus, I think."
The teacher took a great look at question paper and said "No, I taught this topic, if you don't know just skip it,"
I wanted to beat that guy to death and but I didn't but I still tried to sneak at his answer sheet and eventually I was able to copy the question worth 5 marks,
But that was all, I was able to do,
So, I looked out the window and kept on staring at the nature until this hell on earth ends,
The nature felt so vivid and beautiful,
The design of this room ceiling was magnificent,
The color theme of this room was perfect,
I did nothing and only kept on staring at nature outside,
At my other classmates and the teacher who was drinking tea in his chair,
Why am I even here?
I want to go home and sleep, I don't want to be here,
Home?
But do I really have a place called home?
The room I have rented is not my home,
The house back in my village is not my home,
To have a home, one needs to have family,
But what family do I even have?
Even though I have mom and dad,
But are they, my family?
No, I do not believe so,
I still owe them,
I need to repay them,
And for that I need money,
I need money,
I need money,
Sniff, Sniff,
I will not FUCKING CRY here,
Not Infront of all these people,
So, I am all alone,
"Teacher, Can I get an extra sheet?"
The sound broke me from my mirage and I saw almost all students have left and only 1 minute was remaining till the end of exam,
I looked around and thought, I should just live after exam will be over,
DONG,
Teacher stood from his chair and said "Your time is over,"
"Leave your answer sheet as it is and leave the exam hall," he said,
Everyone stood and started discussing the difficulty of exam,
But I was too ashamed and couldn't look at these people in eyes,
I am a loser,
I should have studied,
Now, I have to pay for re-exam and I have no fucking money, how am I going to pay for it,
I ran straight for my home,
Outside the hall,
I saw my classmates had made a group and were discussing the question paper,
I just moved past them,
I ran for my bus stop,
Don't look at me,
Don't anyone dare call my name,
Don't notice me,
Finally, I reached to the bus stop and took a long breath,
I sat near a small bench,
Where an old grandpa was sitting with a bag,
He looked at me and said "Are you new in this city, son?"
I looked at him and said "Yes,"
He said "You don't look like native of Ritupur, from where you come from?"
I replied "I am from Sen Village,"
"Sen… what? I have never heard of that place?" He asked utterly confused,
Honk, Honk, Honnnnnkkkkk,
A bus stopped and I replied to that grandpa and said "It is not well known but It lies in northern province,"
He nodded and I entered the bus,
After 15 minutes I reached my room,
I entered my room and threw my bag in one corner and fell into bed,
Huff, Huff,
I felt like a huge stone that I was carrying, I could finally let it go,
I was happy that finally my exam was over and I could enjoy a small peace,
I opened my Instagram and started scrolling reels,
And eventually night came,
I had used Instagram for six straight hours,
Then I went to washroom, washed my face,
Fucking pathetic, how could I waste this much,
THIS WON'T DO SHISHIR,
WHY AM I EVEN HERE?
JUST TO WASTE MY PARENTS MONEY?
IS THIS THE WAY AM I GOING TO REPAY THEM, WHAT I OWE,
NEVER, THIS WILL NOT DO,
I HAVE TO CHANGE
I HAVE TO FUCKING CHANGE,
THIS WON'T DO,
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Why can't I change?
I don't want to be ordinary,
I want to be extra ordinary,
Like that mini-man that climbed the ordinary abyss,
I want to be great,
I don't want to be lazy,
Why can't I be like my neighbour, brother,
He always studies, he knows what is right and wrong,
He probably thinks, I am cool and stuff but I am a pathetic loser who refuses to change,
I punched the nearby wall in anger,
"If this goes on, how will I repay them?"
I can't even look myself in mirror,
How can I look at myself?
Is this the reason brother committed suicide?
A life is so hard,
Sniff, Sniff,
My eyes turned red and tears flowed endlessly but I didn't stop my tears because there was no one in the bathroom,
Who will judge or see me cry,
So, I did what I was best at and kept on crying,
I want to die but I very much fear death,
Why am I so pathetic?
What happened to my dreams?
If only I had money,
Please, God I need money,
No, just tell me the way I,
A pathetic human can change,