As always, I woke up from my endless dreams of playing hide and seek with the unknow man and being interrupted by man named 55.
Today was my off day from my part time job and also college was closed today,
I picked up the phone near the table,
Which was beside my bed,
I was still inside my blanket and had no plan of getting up,
Today was a holiday,
So, I was not going to get up from bed before 10AM,
I looked at my phone it was 8:17 Am in the morning and I started opening tweeter and started going through the posts and the news,
Then I opened YouTube and binge watched all the videos uploaded by the youtubers I have subscribed to,
Then I opened my class group looking for any date of project or assignment submission,
I also looked for any important notice,
Once, I didn't care about this class group and anything other online classroom bullshit,
But once I reached college in morning at 6Am caused teacher said we would have test in the morning,
I was very angry but I still needed to go,
Then I came to know that at night, Time was changed and exam was set to happen at 11:30AM and it was all in class group,
I was so angry and wanted to beat up the teacher and the class president,
But I of course was not capable of doing that,
Then I got a notification from the very old friend,
Like I used to play football will him when I was only seven years old and the last time, I saw him or had any conversation was 6 years ago,
I opened my Instagram and saw he had sent me a message saying "Brother, Shishir I am going to the foreign country on work visa, can we meetup? In Airport, I know this is sudden but I really want to meet you, then we might see each other after tens of years,"
I replied "Of course, I will meet you in the airport just message and inform me, okay?"
There are many types of friends we met in life even though he was my childhood friend,
I really didn't much chatted with him,
Cause when we were child the things we did were too cringe to talk about,
Now that we were adult,
I really took him as the close friend no more of I have changed too much,
Now, that I have once opened Instagram, there really was no way it was going to let me go or close the app,
How could I puny human be compared to the human psyche experts paid millions of dollars by the company to make them research for months just to create such an algorithm that will make one addicted to the app,
In one point there is a loser like me and in other side there are millions of dollars paid experts,
I couldn't beat the algorithm,
And I kept on scrolling and kept on scrolling till 1PM in the afternoon,
[Beep charge is only 1% automatic shut down in
59 sec
58 sec
.
.
.]
I plugged in my phone to the charger,
I looked at the time and started laughing,
Hahahaha,
I have not brushed yet and I have wasted so much time of the day and the day it about to end,
The tears started to flow out from my eyes,
Why am I like this?
Why?
WHY?
I have tried everything,
I once also uninstalled Instagram,
I tried everything but eventually I could do nothing,
I still came back to this shitty app and wasted my time,
Mom and Dad,
I really want to come back to village and rest back in my room,
Back in home,
Where I can sleep peacefully,
I want to change,
But do I really have parents or home?
You will not know what I feel like,
Do you know?
How it feels knowing there is no one is this world whom you can call family neither there is place in this world which you can call home.
I need to pay those who I owe,
Deep down I want to pay back them back,
How it feels working in restaurant till night and going to college in 7AM in the morning.
How it feels telling your parents, even though they are not the real one, that I am very happy and getting good grades in college
And,
I have made many friends,
How it feels scrolling Instagram even though you do not want to.
How it feels to know that,
Even though I want to die, I very much fear death.
A/N: How it feels to know that, you are writing this novel knowing no one is reading it, Everyone has difficulties in the life😖.