Hey guys!
Right now, I'm watching Tougen Aniki on Netflix. Not because I'm interested in the story or anything, but purely because I saw that clip of that fine ass blonde woman and I needed to see her.
…Am I cooked?
Enjoy the show!
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…Great.
Alastor pulled up a chair to sit next to Niffty, putting his elbows on the table to hold up his head with his fingers. "I must say, it is quite the p̶l̷e̶a̸s̶u̶r̵e̶ seeing you here along with… Well, who are you?"
I don't like him off rip, man. He sounds like a condescending boss at work who just keeps up appearances, but is also a dick. "I'm James, who are you? I mean, you're obviously nobody important so do I gotta ask Chatgpt to generate me a paragraph about who the hell you are?"
The only way to counter one's ragebait is to simply lay out your own ragebait, like a domain clash. It seems my bait was far superior to his, Alastor's freaky smile twitching a bit before he shook his head to calm himself down.
"Well, if you don't know me, then I simply must show you." When he said that, the pressure in the room increased a thousandfold, my whole body ready for attack and my heart beating out of my chest.
He turned his head to look at me, his eyes now being replaced by ticking dials with yellow outlines, his teeth and canines being much sharper and horns appearing on his head in a sort of crown pattern. "I…A̸m̸ ̶A̴l̴a̶s̴t̴o̶r̶,̶ ̷t̷h̷e̴ ̵R̷a̷d̴i̵o̷ ̷d̸e̶m̴o̴n̷!"
Now I'm gonna be honest… This is scary as hell. Right now, I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a 12 gauge shotgun of a confederate, and I'm certainly not white…However, I am NOT gonna let this guy ego me like this.
"Pffft… How old are you, bro? You're a grown assman introducing yourself like a fucking cornball." I stand up on shaky legs, standing back from the table. "Let me tell you how a real man transforms!"
***ROARING X KNIGHT***
I leaned back, putting my arms up and allowing my shadow armor to fly onto my hands, knocking them back a little bit. Soon, the shadows coalesced onto my head, shaping it into my iconic helmet.
I beat my chest 3 times, my armor finally manifesting as my chest-piece on the third.
I put my arms into an X shape before putting them back out, the legs to my armor finally manifesting itself as well. Soon, crystals started to form on my body, giving my transparent horns and spikes on my shoulder and knees.
Soon, I finished my transformation with an iconic JOJO POSE!
***ROARING X KNIGHT***
"..."
1x Bronze Ticket: Leave Alastor speechless
1x Bronze Ticket: Reveal your superhero identity
[Durable]
|Common Trait|
You are fairly tough, granting you a slight increase to your defense and letting you take more punishment.
[Infinite Bowl of Spaghetti]
|Common Item|
A bowl containing an infinite amount of spaghetti, it cannot be poured out but you can take servings out infinitely, the spaghetti that comes out is always comfortably warm and tastes pretty good.
Oh gee ticket, what a wonderful thing to have, it's not like I'm in a restaurant or anything. I guess the trait is pretty cool, though.
Hey man, I don't make the rules
YOU QUITE LITERALLY FUCKING DO!
Also, how am I in my shadow armor? I never slotted it back in and I was planning on using crystal caesar to transform anyhow. Is this…Is this my Overlord power?
"Well…" Alastor caught himself, his transformation deactivating as he coughed into his fist as he got up. "Well, my time is certainly running out here, I simply must get going." He said, walking away, but before he fully walked out of the door, he looked back.
"Oh, Niffty, dear, please do be g̴e̸n̷t̴l̷e̷ with him?" He asked before his body was transformed into shadows, disappearing at the door.
I would've called him a showoff, but something he said made Niffty feel off. Her hands tightened into fists and her teeth grounded themselves into each other. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but I was cut off by the loudest sound outside.
DING-DONG BING-BONG
Without warning, an image was seared into my mind, the image of an inhumanly tall large man in a gold and white robe with a giant A at the front along with a digital mask of a demon. He was sitting at a table with sushi at one end while holding up a margarita.
"Sorry sinner-fucks, but today is a good to NOT be you. Good luck… Or bad luck, I don't fucking know. Big A aka Adam signing out!"
…Who the fuck was that?
I looked over to Niffty, expecting to see her shocked, but all I saw was her frowning before she leaped up and grabbed my hand, leading me out. "Niffty, what the FUCK was that?"
"Exterminations. Every year exorcists come down and kill as many of us as they can in an hour before going back up."
"Why did you plan a date on this day!?"
"There were rumors going around that it would come a week earlier, but I didn't think they were true, okay?"
Our bickering was stopped as we soon came outside, being met with the screams of far-away sinners and a single woman floating with her wings right in front of us.
She seemed to have some kind of chainmail mesh armor on along with a mask similar to Adam and a spear with a sort of white metal.
They aren't killing me, that's for damn sure. I quickly stomp my foot on the ground, making a giant crystal below her to push her out of harm's way, unfortunately the exorcist launched a spear at Niffty.
I made another crystal to block it, but it cracked heavily and I just decided to do something crazy. "Pleasedon'thatemefordoingthis!" I yelled, using a crystal to knock her back to me before I grabbed her… And threw her as hard as I could in the other direction!
Quickly, another crystal was made, her spear now being in my hands where I ran at her to try and stab her or something. Unfortunately for me, she easily was able to just dodge and snatch it out of my hands.
Oh crap!
I quickly pulled my body to the left, swiftly dodging out of the way of a spear aiming for my head. I made a sharp crystal in the palm of my hand, extending it towards the exorcist's stomach, but it just broke off of her armor.
I quickly raised my hand up to grab the spear that was cruising its way towards my face. Even though I had the armor on, the spear still sliced through it like butter, making a large gash in my hand that bled an inky black.
I tried to snatch it out of her hands, but she held onto it tight, instead, pulling me forward and punching me straight in the chest. I couldn't block it, so even through the armor it felt like a truck just made a hole through my chest.
Hell, I wasn't sure if there was a hole in my chest or not until I got up off the ground to dodge another spear strike. I jumped up, holding my hand and unleashing my armored claw. The exorcist's mask seemed to raise its eyebrows before I charged at her.
Back on Earth, I trained in a variety of sports and martial arts like boxing, judo, wing chun, all of that stuff. Although I was never a professional or what I would even say competent, I know enough about fighting to know how to switch up things and how it'll confuse your opponent.
I charged in, throwing wild swings at her head that she easily dodged before bonking me on the head with the butt of her spear. I backed up, switching up my footing and rushing back in. This time, I tightened my stance up, throwing real jabs and crosses like how a boxer would and this time, the exorcists actually had to block my last swing with my real hand.
I kept the pressure on, continuing to strike until she let her guard down and I feinted a strike, going in for a pump-fake grapple that I stepped back from and clocked her in the head with my claw.
It knocked her away but I didn't let up, using my claw as a grappling hook to throw on the ground a few feet in front of me to launch myself at her and kick her into a wall. I run up, using both my normal and clawed hand to keep her in this combo on the wall, only aiming for the face and the body.
Soon, the wall broke from behind her, but I didn't let that stop me. I grabbed her by her face plate and planted her in the ground, rearing my claw all the way back to unleash one last heavy blow on her face.
The hit was a lot stronger than I expected, a crater actually appearing on the ground under her head. I lifted my claw from her head, seeing that I actually cracked her faceplate and as part of it fell off, I saw an eye looking back at me.
…A bored eye.
"Is that it?" For the first time, I heard her voice. It seemed to be a little bit Mexican and a little bit…Mocking?
Without me even knowing, a fist was planted deep inside my gut. I couldn't even react to anything else as she began to just beat the hell out of me without me even being able to react to it.
My byakugan could see her, just barely, but my body could barely even keep up with that. Every punch that I blocked, a kick was sent, every kick that I dodged, a punch was landed. Was this how Mahito felt when Yuji was frying his ass in Shibuya?
Eventually, she gave me a mean ass headbut, knocking me down to the ground where I couldn't even catch a break as I had to quickly form a little halo of crystals to block a spear aiming right for my neck. Hell, I couldn't even fully stop that as it almost instantly broke and I had to grab it with my bare hands. I gripped the thing so hard I think I left marks on it, but it didn't do anything to dissuade her.
With there now being two gashes on my hands, tired from fighting and beat up, I had nothing to depend on…But my wits.
"Hey, what's that!?" I asked, pointing at the sky above her.
"...Do you think I'm stupid or something, sinner?" She asks, inching the blade closer and closer to my neck to give me the Charlie Kirk treatment.
"Why would I do something like that on my deathbed if I knew you weren't going to fall for it? Just tell me if you recognize what that thing is up there." I say in my most convincing voice.
The exorcist looks at me for a second before slowly turning her head behind her.
I know she probably said something, but I couldn't hear her since as soon as she fully turned her head, I fucking booked it out of there. To be honest, I'm not sure how I ran so fast, but in only about a minute, I was FAR away from her.
I slumped down in an alleyway near a dumpster, catching my breath and just trying to think about what the hell just happened. Hey ticket, that had to count for a roll, right? Just something to get me off of the fact that a crazy chick planned for us to go out on good ol' genocide day.
1x Gold ticket: Fight off an angel without angelic steel
1x Platinum ticket: ha–
BANG
The sound hit my ears before the pain did, but the pain after that was no laughing matter. In only a moment, a spear came out of the wall in front of me, and plunged itself into my chest. I looked down on the spear, seeing the same marks I had inflicted on it before. It was…It was from that same angel I fought.
Did she fucking throw it at me from all the way over there!? Whatever, Ticket, hurry up and roll the other damn tickets!
[Whats monogamy]
|Rare Trait|
Your potential partners are very accepting of any delusions of harem or a woman loving you you might have. They tend not to question the logistics or logic of having multiple people as lovers.
[Newtype]
|Elite Trait|
Gundam - You are a Newtype, an evolved form of human to adapt to space. As a Newtype, other than having a slightly stronger body, you have greatly increased spatial awareness and mental focus, boosting the potency of all Thinker abilities. You are also naturally capable of sensing malintent directed towards you. With enough training and meditation, you may even be able to unlock the ability to communicate with the minds of others.
The rolls didn't help at all, I'm still lying down on the ground.
I can't believe I'm gonna die right now.
Red suit
This sucks, I never even had my first time with someone I loved yet.
White face and rosey cheeks.
This…Sucks, dude.
Sandy blonde hair…Nice smile…Just…Like…
…
…
…
"Alright bitches, awesome fucking job today. You fucked up sinner ass today!" Adam said at Heaven's gates, throwing up the devil's horns as the other exorcists yelled obscenities and celebrated with him…All except for one.
"You okay, Vaggie? You look like you're menstruating or some shit like that?" Adam asked, leaning on her head like she was a counter, not even caring about the spikes from her helmet digging into his skin.
"No sir, I'm fine." She said indifferently. Adam looked at her, really stared at her through his mask before he shrugged and walked off.
"Whatever you say, bitch!"
…When she made sure Adam was fully away, she took off her mask and rubbed her nose, and from it came…
A small drop of golden blood
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THE END!
Dude, I'm not gonna lie, I wrote this chapter while listening to R. Kelly and it was so peak. He may be a pedophile, but one of those chill ones, y'know?
Also, I also did that blind roll thing again, so by the time this comes out, I'm also gonna be in the dark about what he rolls.