Hey guys!
Before anything else, I wanna give a massive shout out to @Bob_EX He made this whole chart detailing James' rolls so far and it's genuinely awesome. Thanks for doing that man.
Alright, enjoy the show!
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"Hey, Lute, c'mere, bitch" Adam said, walking on the streets of Heaven with his hands in his robe. Heaven was exactly how the myths described it, a golden city with white and baby blue highlights on all the buildings. An air of accomplishment wafted throughout every part of the city, like a feeling of 'you did it, this is the end'.
At this time, the exorcists of Heaven were going to their homes, to their loved ones, to their wives or husbands, ready to rest after a long day… Except for Lute. Everyone had already left, but because Lute was Adam's personal lieutenant she had to stay at his side until he personally dismissed her.
Which he almost never did.
By now, it was almost an open secret that something was going on between Lute and Adam. Both of them seemed much closer to each other than any other exorcist, even Vaggie, the both of them were always around each other and it was obvious that Adam favored her a lot more than the others.
So when Adam asked her to stay after hours, most of them just assumed they were having sex, but that was only half true… Adam was planning on doing it after this.
Lute walked beside Adam, not saying a word, still wearing her exorcist armor. "Ugh, I can't believe you're still wearing that shit, man, it still has all of that nasty ass shit on it." Adam complained, opening up a golden portal for them to walk through.
On the other side was a quaint office, one that only had a table and two chairs and on that table was a single helmet. "You remember how I told you Vaggie was acting fishy as fuck? Well, guess what? I got proof, biatch!"
He sat down in his chair, pushing on to the side for Lute.
"No thank you sir, I'd rather stand."
"Whatever, you say, bitch." He shrugs before placing a finger on the helmet and having a yellow light beam from it. On the wall ahead of them, a screen was displayed on it like a projector.
What the helmet showed was Vaggie's fight with James, her utter dismantling of him before he tricked her–
"Dumbass bitch." Surprisingly, it was Lute who said that.
And when Vaggie threw her spear into James' general direction, the footage showed her flying back to Heaven with her exorcist sisters and her meeting with Adam. However, after Adam left, the mask was taken off and Vaggie wiped away a stray drop of her blood.
Almost immediately, Adam leaned forward in the chair, his mask flickering with confusion and anger. "What the fuck? How the hell is she hurt?"
"Sir…" Lute said, sounding much more grave than before. "You don't think that sinner was an arch–"
"No." Adam shut her down before she could say anything else. "An Archfiend would still need magic to harm an angel, this one bypassed her immanence with his bare hands."
"What the fuck do we do then?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Adam asked rhetorically, his mask shifting into a predatory grin before his hand slammed on the helmet.
"We make sure those sinner fucks won't get the chance to do that shit again, especially that one!"
…
…
…
I knew something was off when I first woke up.
I don't usually remember my dreams, but this one was just so different. Even while I was asleep, I knew what was happening around my body and what the room I was in looked like.
I dismissed it as some kind of weird dream, I mean, I didn't even remember that I had a spear sticking out of my chest before I fell asleep, so I can't exactly call sleepy me super intelligent.
When I finally did wake up, it was slow, my eyes opening groggily as I got used to my environment. Somehow I knew it like the back of my hand; the crimson red walls surrounding me, the purple velvet couch I was on, and the woman who was sleeping on my lap.
…Wait what?
I sat up on the couch, looking around with my own eyes and seeing her and… And…
Why the fuck is every single person in Hell so goddamn stacked?
Seriously, it's honestly astonishing that there are this many hot people in hell. The woman was kneeling on the floor with her head in my lap, wearing a red suit that clearly couldn't contain her pale breasts.
To be honest, her entire body was white with her face having two red spots on her cheeks along with sandy blond hair. Y'know what? Ticket, do I have any more tickets aside from the ones you rolled while I was dying? I need a distraction from the hot woman on my lap.
Indeed I do.
1x Silver ticket: Have Charlie save you and go to the Hazbin Hotel!
1x Bronze ticket: Have Charlie have a crush on you
1x Bronze ticket: Have Vaggie take an interest in you
1x Gold ticket: Have Adam view you as a threat
1x Gold ticket: Irreversibly mess up canon
This is where I am? Like what is this, some kind of hotel for has-bins? Who the hell is Charlie or Vaggie anyway? I mean, I'm flattered to have two people have a crush on me, but I don't know these guys…Also, what do you mean 'mess up canon'?
Uhhhhh… Rolling!
[Fissure]
|Uncommon Ability|
Allows the user to create fissures on objects to shatter them or to split them apart. The harder an object is, the more energy is needed to fissure.
[Ambidexterous]
|Common Trait|
You are perfectly ambidexterous, you can use both of your arms and hands as if they were both dominant hands. The same applies to all of your limbs, perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
[Explosive Tag Deck]
|Common Item|
Naruto - A leather deck that contains a set of standard Explosive Tags produced in the Hidden Leaf village. When imbued with energy, these tags will explode with decent power behind them. The user can set the amount of time the tags will take to explode, and with practice and imbuing with energy beforehand, can remotely explode the tags. One set contains 5 tags that restock every 24 hours.
[Clay Bombs]
|Elite Ability|
Naruto - Allows you to form clay constructs capable of independent movement that can explode upon the user's command, the more energy is infused into the clay, the more power behind the explosion you create.
[Sharingan]
|Elite Item|
Naruto - A pair of Sharingan stored in a special fluid that makes sure they don't degrade. If you find a skilled enough doctor you can have them implanted.
You have 5 abilities now, getting a second ability slot!
1x Bronze ticket: Get your second ability slot
Alright, I feel like you're handing these things out just a little bit too liberally. If this was a story or fanfic of some kind, someone would complain about powerscreep.
Shut up :D
[Iron Fist]
|Uncommon Trait|
Your fists are like iron, enhancing the power behind your unarmed strikes and fist-type abilities.
Well, if I had to say, that haul is pretty damn good.
Not only did I now have another ability slot, but I can also be an off-brand version of Whitebeard with it, however, not only can I be an off-brand version of Garp, I can also just be a regular brand version of Deidara. Keep in Crystal caeser and put in fissure, I wanna make the globe quake.
The traits aren't too bad as well. I'm usually right-handed, so being ambidextrous is a pretty useful boon alongside iron fist. Since I still haven't been able to get 5 rare weapons, any upgrades to my hand to hand combat is a very welcome one.
And the Sharingan… I'll just keep that in whatever hammerspace that the ticket has to keep these random ass items in.
Oh yeah. Hey, ticket, what was the ticket that I got before I got knocked out, the platinum one?
(PAST) 1x Platinum ticket: Harm an exorcist without angelic steel
…I think that's supposed to be a big deal, but I don't really know what that means.
Alright then, I think it's time to stop stalling now. If Niffty somehow finds me I think she'll threaten me at knife point like that Yuno Gaisai girl from Future Diaries… Why am I getting hard thinking about that!?
"Hey…You good?" I ask tentatively, gently poking the woman's cheek. She pouts a little which is actually kinda cute, it's a damn shame that I have to wake her up. "Yoooo… You need to wake up." I say, this time grabbing one of her cheeks (On her face, you weirdo) and stretching it out a little.
This time, she actually wakes up, her eyes fluttering open before staring at me. We locked eyes for a second, my Byakugan staring into her black eyes. With my new Newype trait, I had much greater spatial awareness, which translated a bit into the byakugan, making me a judge on her strength.
And let me tell you…This woman was strong. I couldn't say how strong Alastor or that exorcist was, but I could say that by what my byakugan and my instincts are telling me, this girl could probably kill them both without lifting a finger.
What a woman.
Before I could even react, she stood up suddenly, somehow even bypassing my byakugan. "Of fuck, uh, sorry about that." She apologized before taking a deep breath in and solidifying herself.
"Well, Mr. Knight, I am Charlie Morningstar and this–" she stretches her arms out (which doesn't make her tits bounce a little) "is the Hazbin hotel, a place where sinners can come to get redeemed and go to Heaven!" She said with a surprising amount of conviction and hope in her voice.
Before I could say anything else, she continued. "I really really want to ask you a favor." She stretched her arms out and exuded a surprising amount of charm.
"PLEASE SPONSOR MY HOTEL!"
"...Wut?"
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THE END
I hate to get political, but why are our presidents so old? Not even talking about what they did, Trump and Biden are both like 80 something, get their asses in the retirement home or something.
Ok bbbyyyeeee!