Hey guys!
Cyberpunk is becoming my new addiction. I already watched Edgerunners, but the game is surprisingly good. With everything I heard about it being a buggy mess before, I thought this would just be a two-pack of straight ass, but it's genuinely a good game.
My main strategy was just getting an overpowered shotgun and eating bullets while just causing hell, I was basically a demon in Night City.
I LOVE CP
Enjoy the show!
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"So…Explain what 'sponsoring' is, please."
I say to Charlie who is currently still in that weird pose "And please stop doing that pose, you can just talk to me normally."
"Y-yeah, okay." She says before clapping her hands twice and summoning a table with a seat for her before I somehow floated in the air and also got put in a seat. In a show of flashy golden dust, a whiteboard appeared next to her along with a few markers.
"So basically, it's really really simple." She drew a big circle with a bunch of fire around it, "So Hell is a confusing place with a lot of bad people, but–" She then drew a stick figure with a frown, a building with a smiley face and a stick figure with a smile. "My hotel can help all of these people get to…"
She claps thrice, making the whiteboard flip around and reveal a crudely drawn city with clouds surrounding it. It has its charm I guess. "Get to Heaven! But I uh, can't really do…Anything right now."
I held up two fingers "...Okay, two things. 1: Who even are you? Seriously, you got a whole building to rehabilitate sinners, you can use some random magic and you somehow healed me from getting the Ace treatment.. 2: What would I even do in this scenario?"
"Yeeaaahhh, that's kinda why I wanted your help and sponsorship." She said, scratching behind her head a bit. "I'm Lucifer's daughter-"
Whatthehell?
"--But I don't wanna make people come here. Redemption can only happen if they come here by their own free will, you know? So I figured that if I get a strong and upcoming Overlord like yourself, then I can get people to come here willingly."
"And I suppose that this isn't a manipulation tactic after the daughter of the prince of liars saved me from death?"
To her defense, Charlie genuinely didn't seem like she was trying to manipulate me, instead actually looking kind of apologetic. "Nonononono, this isn't like that. If you don't want to, you can leave right now. I won't do anything, I swear. I promise it was just a coincidence that I saved you after the extermination."
Y'know, that 'extermination' word is really grinding my gears not knowing what it is. "Can you at least tell me what an extermination is? I've only been in this place for about a week or two."
Charlie's look of apology shifted into a mix of confusion along with sadness as she sat down. "Well, every year, angels from Heaven come down and permanently kill every sinner they see for a few hours to curb the population down here…"
At the end of her sentence, she regained hope on her face. "But with my hotel and your help, we can stop these exterminations and get more souls into Heaven." Even though she had an impressive amount of determination on her face, I wasn't exactly paying attention to that.
"You said permanently kill sinners… Does that mean that sinners can die normally but come back somehow?" I asked her, but she tilted her head and looked at me like it was common knowledge.
"Yeah, all sinners regenerate after 24 hours no matter what. I hear dying is painful though, so you might now wanna risk it."
I let out a slight breath of relief. The people that I killed back at the facility when I had first woken up…They weren't dead!
"...Okay."
Charlie perked back up as I continued my sentence. "I'll sponsor your hotel or whatever." Before she said anything, I put a hand up. "To be honest, I don't really believe in redemption. All this place can do is pull the good out of people who didn't know they had it, not truly redeem evil people…"
I put my hand down and stood up, cracking my fingers and neck a bit. "But, I think it's a valiant effort nonetheless and I think you're doing a good deed for trying, you know? Let me go check up on a friend and bring my… Associate here and we can keep talking about business or whatever, ok?"
She obviously tried to contain her excitement by simply saying "Ok." and turning around…But she couldn't hide pumping her fist and… doing a little dance?
Did she forget that I was here or something?
"Yeeeahhh, I'll be back by like nighttime or something, like around 8." I said, waking towards her to give her a little pat on the shoulder before–
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" Again, faster than I could even perceive, she grabbed me and pulled me into a hug and it was only then that I realized how tall she was.
I already knew I was a good, strong, masculine 5'7, but Charlie was in a whole different damn ballpark. She was tall enough that even when I was standing up, I could only barely reach the top of her tits which I was currently being smothered in.
"MHPH MEPLPHME HNW PHEHM HEP PHH!"
(Translation: You're welcome, now please get off!)
After a few more secnods of me being subjugated to…Not that bad torture, I was let go and allowed to finally go to the door and go outside.
Outside it looked like the sun was setting already so it was about 1 PM. I could probably get a quick little Knight patrol in and learn how to use this fissure stuff like my glorious king Whitebeard, unlike that bum Opress D Slaves Garp.
Let's go.
ROARING X KNIGHT
Okay, so a few things…
1. I got a ticket
1x Silver ticket: Stop 100 crimes
[Crazy Lure]
|Rare Trait|
Crazy, Mentally Unstable, or otherwise insane people find themselves more attracted to you, and it is easier to gain their affection and favour. It is also easier for you to reason with them.
Ticket…Are we genuinely being deadass? This is like the fourth ticket relating to attracting women to me! The last few tickets were fire, gimmie more of that please!
Anyway, 2. Fissure is so damn broken.
I've genuinely just been ending fights by just walking up and breaking dude's arms like it's nothing. I can even be a temu version of Sukuna by splitting skin, muscles and tendons or I can be just a regular Nanami by copying his collapse technique.
And finally, 3. I've learned that people just somehow lose about 50 IQ points whenever they end up in Hell.
Seriously, I thought I saw it all in about a week of being here, but I've genuinely seen some guy walk up to me, shoot me and then demand that I give him all of my money. He didn't even have a backup plan or nothing, he genuinely just thought he could just do that for some reason!
So yeah, people in Hell aren't exactly the smartest apples in the trees, but the sight that I'm seeing right now has to be in the top 10 dumbest things in the history of the world.
I am looking at a bank with multiple people in it and 3 robbers, and the robbers have sharpie on their faces.
…Yes, you heard me right, they have SHARPIE on their faces. Not masks, not ski-masks, they don't even have their shirts over their faces, just straight robbing with sharpie to cover themselves.
I'm gonna stop it of course, but I just had to stop and marvel at the guys who apparently haven't even passed basic criminal 101.
I walked inside of the bank, looking calmly at the trio of dumb, dumber, and dumbest who turned to me and had a little conversation.
"Who the fuck is that?" Robber 1 asked.
"Dude, that's the Roaring Knight!" Robber 2 responded.
"Wait…Is that the same guy who beat up and amputated all of those fancy-pants sinners who associate with the Goetias?" Robber 3 asked worriedly.
"Yes, bro!"
"Shit, uhhh, let's shoot him!" Robber 1 said, rallying the others to empty their clips on me.
BANG BANG BANG BANG
CLICK CLICK CLICK…
After a few seconds of just waiting, they eventually exhausted all of their ammo and stared at me, the guy who no-sold all of their bullets with my armor. They couldn't believe it, Robber stepping back in shock. "Oh? Why are you retreating as if I–"
I was already behind him with my hand on his shoulder."--couldn't reach you in an instant?"
Fissure
CRACK
I didn't need to wait, as soon as I activated it, fissure snapped the guy's arm in half. He fell to the ground, screaming in pain where I finished him off with a quick punch to the skull, knocking him out.
The others didn't wait at all, swiftly joining their friend within seconds as I speed-blitzed the lot of them, and within seconds they were another statistic in my save-rates.
Life is good–
…What the fuck is that?
I felt it before I saw it,something approaching my location fast as all hell. Dust around me started to float into the air and my hair started to tingle before a bright light flashed in front of me, revealing a figure.
He seemed relatively normal, if not very skinny with a mainly blue suit and a red striped undershirt along with a TV head…
Oh yeah did I mention that he had a literal TELEVISION FOR A SKULL? God just be creating anybody nowadays, cuz what the fuck is the use for a TV for a head? I better to be able to plug in my Hellstation 5 and whip niggas with Black Panther, or else that's just functionally useless.
"Ah, Mr. Knight, how are ya?" He asked, walking towards me while snapping his fingers. He talked like one of those sleazy car salesmen, but he looked funny enough to hear out. "Listen, I gotta tell you a little something something." He slung his shoulder over my neck, leaning off of me.
"Listen, I'm Vox, leader of the V's, and right now, your kiiiindddaaa intruding on our turf." He put a hand up. "Hey, listen, I'm not mad, it's totally fine, you can keep doing your business and all that. All I'm here for is to just give you a little message."
He snapped his fingers and with a crackle of electricity, a letter appeared in his hands that he offered to me. "There's a big ol' meeting at Carmine's with all of the Overlords after every extermination and we wanted to invite the new kid on the block. It's totally fine if you don't wanna come, but just give it a little thought, K?"
Vox didn't even let me get a word in, tapping my shoulder twice before another boom of electricity happened in front of my eyes, the Tenna knock-off disappeared.
1x Silver ticket: Get invited to an exclusive meeting between very powerful figures in Hell
Just roll the damn ticket.
[Calcium Cultivation]
|Rare Trait|
Your bones crave milk, nay, they demand it. Every time you consume milk, your bones get a permanent boost to their durability and quality. The higher the quality of milk, the greater the boost to your bones you get. Consuming the same kind of milk decreases its effects exponentially after the first drink and the boost your bones get are relative to the quality of the milk to your bones.
PregNaNT NifFty… BreAsT MilK For QualITY
…What the fuck was that?
I have literally not heard from Inland Empire for a week and the first time it speaks out is when it's recommending that I get someone pregnant and drink their breast milk…
…AND WHY AM I GETTING HARD OVER IT!?
Y'know what? It's cool. It's not like this day can get any weirder, right?
"JJJJJAAAAAMMMMEEESSS! I'M SORRY FOR TAKING YOU OUT ON E-DAY AND ALMOST KILLING YOU!!!!!" Niffty said, appearing from God knows where and glomping me to the ground.
Fuck me I guess….
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THE END!
Y'all ever like something, but rewatch it and realize that almost all of it is just straight ass and you feel bad for liking it ever? That ain't happened with me and Steven Universe, but y'all stay safe tho ✌️