Jordan showed up to Virgil's before anybody else that night. I found that out later. He was already there setting up while the rest of us were still getting dressed, still arguing about who was driving, still doing all the things you do when you don't know the night is going to matter. He always knew before we did. That's the thing about him. He showed up prepared for the version of the night that hadn't happened yet.
I got there early because I had to.
Virgil needed the setup done before the first guests arrived. Speakers positioned, levels checked, the aux situation sorted. I'd brought my own cable because I didn't trust whatever was going to be at a house party. I was right not to. I spent forty minutes making it work and by the time I was done I was a drink in and the place was starting to fill.
I had a new song ready. If people wanted something they knew I'd do requests, but I wanted to open with the new one. I'd been sitting on it for two weeks and I needed to hear it in a room.
* * *
I was standing near the back nursing my second drink when I saw Maddy walk out of the bathroom.
She had some guy with her. Tall, decent-looking, the kind of guy who knew he was decent-looking and had built a whole personality around it. He had his hand at the small of her back and was saying something close to her ear and she was half-smiling at it. Not the full smile. Just enough to be polite.
I watched that for about three seconds.
I was a little drunk. I walked over.
"Sorry, my nigga." I looked at him, not unfriendly, just clear. "She owes me a dance and I don't want her getting tired from wasting it on you."
He looked at me. Chuckled. "What?"
"There are other girls," I said. "Go to them. I don't feel like beating your ass right now."
He looked at Maddy. She looked at me. He made the smart decision and stepped back into the party.
I looked at Maddy.
She already knew about the crush. She'd known for a while, the way Maddy always knows things people haven't said yet. She just loved somebody else, had for as long as I could remember, and I'd made my peace with carrying it quietly. That didn't stop me from acting on it when the moment showed up.
I put my hands on her waist. She let me. We started moving and I leaned down and said close to her ear, "Long time coming."
She laughed. The real one.
We danced and I moved my hand down to her ass and she didn't move it. Just kept dancing, looking at me like she was deciding something. I looked back and didn't push it further than that. Some things you let sit.
* * *
When we finished I worked the room.
Kat near the kitchen. Lexi in the corner deep in conversation with Fez, which I filed away to think about later. Cassie near the speakers, already a little drunk and in a good mood about it. I talked to people I knew and a few I didn't.
At some point I pulled Maddy to me and she settled against me easy, no resistance, like it was the obvious place to be. I had my arm around her and we were just existing in the party together, not making it a thing.
Then I felt the room shift the way it does when someone is looking at you with a particular kind of energy.
Nate. Across the room. Jaw tight, controlled, deciding how much of it to let show.
Maddy felt it before I said anything. She glanced over, clocked his expression, looked back at me.
Then she kissed me.
Not small. Real. Her hand on the side of my face and I kissed her back and I was aware that Nate was watching and I did not give a single fuck. Whatever she needed from the moment she could have it. Whatever Nate was feeling was his problem entirely.
When she pulled back she looked at me with that expression she gets sometimes. A little amused, a little serious, genuinely interested in what comes next.
I didn't say anything. Just stayed where I was.
It was almost eleven-thirty. Time to set up.
* * *
A few days before the party I'd asked Cassie and Maddy separately to record two things into a voice memo and send it to me. Told them it was for a project, nothing more.
I'd chopped both recordings into the song, their voices trading off every single line the whole way through. Two people who had no idea they were part of the same thing, woven together all the way to the end.
Now I was about to perform it in a room where both of them were standing.
I stepped into the middle of the living room. Virgil killed the main music. The room noticed. I gave him the nod and he started the track.
Eleven fifty-two.
* * *
Can I, baby? Can I, baby? (Cassie)
Yeah, can I, baby? Can I, baby? (Maddy)
I watched their faces from across the room. Cassie's brow furrowed slightly, recognizing her own voice, not placing it yet. Maddy went completely still.
Can I, bring you to the six where I really stay, baby? (Cassie)
Show you why I am the way I am
Can I, tell you what I think my biggest flaw is, baby? (Maddy)
I try to be consistent, but I can't
Can I, have an honest moment wit' you right now, baby? (Cassie)
Tell me who the fuck you wanna be
Can I, get an honest answer from you right now, baby (Maddy)
'Cause all we ever talk about is me
Can I, before I turn the lights out (Cassie)
'Fore I turn the lights out, tell me who the fuck you wanna be
The room was locked in. Conversations fully dead. I was aware of Maddy in my peripheral, arms crossed, chin up, not moving.
Can I, call instead of text you on the hotline? (Maddy)
Sometimes a nigga wanna hear your voice
Can I, see you right now, I know the sun is up, baby? (Cassie)
Sorry, you don't really have a choice
Can I, ever make you feel like I'm down for you, baby? (Maddy)
You do so much more than that for me
Can I, finally take the time and open up to you, baby? (Cassie)
'Cause that's the side you never get to see
Can I, before I turn the lights out? (Maddy)
'Fore I turn the lights out, tell me who the fuck you wanna be
Cassie had figured it out. I could see it on her face. She was looking at me with something between flattered and something she hadn't named yet.
Can I, baby? (Cassie)
Can I, before I turn the lights out (Maddy)
Can I, baby? (Cassie)
Can I, baby? (Maddy)
Can I, baby? (Cassie)
Can I, baby? (Maddy)
Can I, before I turn the lights out (Cassie)
Tell me who the fuck you wanna be
Can I? (Maddy)
Can I, baby? (Cassie)
Can I, baby? (Maddy)
Can I, baby? (Cassie)
Can I? Before I turn the lights out (Maddy)
One more time
Tell me who the fuck you wanna be (Cassie)
Before I turn the lights out
The track faded.
The room held for a second.
Then Virgil started the countdown. Ten, nine, eight — the room pulling together the way it does at midnight, all the separate corners folding into one thing.
I was stepping back toward the edge of the room when I heard it. The sound of something hitting hard, people clearing space, Cassie screaming Fezco's name over the countdown.
I turned. Fez had Nate on the floor, beating his ass. Ashtray was already moving. The countdown dissolved into chaos.
Happy New Year.
I watched it from where I was and didn't move toward it. Whatever had been building between those two had been building for a long time and it wasn't mine to be in the middle of. I waited until Ashtray pulled Fez back and the crowd reshuffled and then I finished my drink.
I grabbed my cable from the speaker setup, said goodbye to Virgil, and went out the side door into the cold.
The year had started.