Chapter 26: Brother Iori, Let Me Show You My "Secret Weapon"!
.....
Seito grinned, walked up to Iori, and threw an arm around the muscular boy's shoulder.
"Easy now, brother. Don't be so tense. I've got something for you—a little 'Secret Weapon,' if you will."
Seito cast a suspicious glance around the room, making a show of being surreptitious. He shielded his body from the class's view and reached into the deep, inner pocket of his pajamas. Slowly, he pulled out a cold, condensation-covered bottle.
Iori Kitahara: "???"
Why do you have alcohol in your pajamas? Iori screamed internally, but his eyes were already sparkling like diamonds. As a resident degenerate of the highest order, Iori's life revolved around the holy trinity: Lager, Ale, and Spirit. Alcohol was the fuel that turned his normal stupidity into legendary idiocy.
"My brother...!" Iori's face split into a wide, jagged grin. Seito quickly tucked the bottle back into his "pajama-cellar."
The rest of Class D watched with growing irritation. If there was one thing they hated more than homework, it was Seito and Iori keeping a secret. Just show us the damn 'weapon' already! they thought.
"Come on. Let's head to your class. It's not safe to talk here," Seito whispered.
"Right, right! We'll grab Big Sis Amane too," Iori nodded vigorously.
The two vanished from Class D, leaving behind a group of students whose curiosity was reaching a breaking point.
...
Class 1-E
Unlike Class D, which was packed with "Protagonist" types, Class E was a breeding ground for legendary side characters. The room was dominated by the terrifying presence of Kirukiru Amou the "Empress" and her circle of loyal followers, known as the "Five Swords."
On the other side of the room sat the "Idiocy Department"—mostly the cast from Daily Lives of High School Boys. When Seito and Iori burst in, the room went silent.
"Seito? You... look... distinctive," Amou said. She was in the middle of her lunch, but the sight of Seito in his "Chibi-Girl" pajamas forced her to pause and question her life choices.
"Brought some party favors for you to 'inspect'!" Seito laughed. He and Iori slid into the seats across from Amou. Then, he pulled open his pajamas like a black-market dealer.
Clink. Clink. Clink.
Five bottles of premium beer. Nobody knew how they fit in there without shattering.
Class E: "..."
Are you serious? You brought booze to school?!
"Someone lock the door!" Amou barked. Two students scrambled to bolt the classroom door shut.
Seito cracked the bottles open.
Whoosh! A bespectacled boy slid across the floor like a penguin. "Is it even legal to drink without including me?" Hidenori Tabata pushed up his glasses and produced four disposable cups from thin air, filling them to the brim.
"Come on, don't be shy." Seito grabbed a cup and stood up. "I won't say much, but first, I owe Iori an apology."
As he spoke, he jerked his body to the left, and a third of the beer splashed onto the floor.
"Yesterday was my bad, brother. Don't take it to heart."
His hand shook again—another third of the beer hit the carpet.
"I'm bottoming this out! Drink up!"
With a final, violent flourish, the rest of the beer practically flew out of the cup, leaving about a thimbleful at the bottom. Seito threw his head back and "downed" the remaining drop.
"Ahhh! Top-shelf stuff!"
Class E: "..."
Their lips twitched in unison. They weren't blind. He didn't drink the beer; he gave the floor a bath.
"Seize him!" Amou yelled.
Iori and Hidenori moved like lightning, pinning Seito's arms and hoisting him up. Amou stood up slowly, her red lips curling into a dangerous smile.
"Nice try, kid. You trying to 'fish' for a free pass in my class?"
Seito offered a weak, charming smile. "I've... had some stomach issues lately. Doctor's orders."
"Stomach issues? How about I feed you myself then?" Amou leaned in, her eyes dancing with mischief.
"Ahem." Seito coughed, glancing at the slack-jawed students of Class E. "I mean, I wouldn't say no... but maybe not in front of the witnesses."
"Fine. Wait for me after school!" Amou waved her hand, and the boys released him.
Seito rubbed his arms. The doctors were right, he thought. My stomach is weak. I can't handle hard food anymore... only 'soft rice' for me.
(Note: "Eating soft rice" is a Chinese idiom for being a "sugar baby" or being taken care of by a wealthy woman.)
"Alright, alright! I brought these for you guys, so get to it!"
...
Back in Class 1-D
"Hayasaka, what do you think they're doing next door?" Kaguya asked her assistant. Her curiosity was eating her alive.
Hayasaka: "..."
Unlike the sheltered Kaguya, Hayasaka was well-versed in "internet slang." Her mind immediately went to several inappropriate memes regarding "Secret Weapons," causing her eyelid to twitch.
"They're probably just..."
"WUHOOOOO!!!"
"DAMMIT, HIDENORI! TAKE OFF THE SHIRT! DON'T BE A COWARD!"
"DO IT! TAKE IT OFF!"
"HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!" (Literal monkey noises erupting from next door).
Class D: "..."
The sudden eruption of primal screaming and monkey noises from the neighboring room left them speechless. What the hell was happening in Class E? It felt like they were being left out of the party of the century.
While the class suffered in curiosity, Kirito blinked, pointing toward the front door. "I think I just saw Seito-kun slip past."
"You're seeing things," Hideyoshi said,
glancing at the door. "There's nobody there."
"Is that so? Must be the sleep deprivation..."
Kirito muttered, though he couldn't shake the feeling that a pajama-clad ghost had just haunted the hallway.
...
Thank you for reading.