One conversation and round of introductions later, in which I couldn't be sure whether or not Kamakiri reacted to me mentioning Cricket's full name (those goggles did wonders for his poker face), the five Shandians rushed off to rejoin their fellows. Here's hoping that staying with us didn't cost them too much, though, considering the fact that two of the three priests they were facing were exhausted, and the last one was… well, Gedatsu, terminator-esque bastard that he was, I had my doubts that they could be in too much trouble.
After they left, Sanji accelerated, and aside from one or two run-ins with wildlife and wild rides (which, naturally, half of the boat's inhabitants thoroughly enjoyed, myself included), the rest of the journey went the way it was supposed to: without conflict or combat crossing our paths. Finally, we reached the edge of the forest.
"Soundbite, heartbeat count in the area?" I asked tentatively, resolutely not facing ahead.
"Mmm… THIRTEEN. Our crew, GAN FALL, and the pony-bird."
I didn't even react to the jab at Pierre; that was half of my worries eased, but the more pressing one still remained. So, steeling myself, I slowly looked out at the inlet to see the sacrificial altar erected in its center and… the equally high pile of bodies next to it!?
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I bellowed incredulously as I stared up at the pile. Where the hell—!? Wait, were those—those were freaking Sky Sharks!
As if in response, the bodies at the top of the pile started shifting around until a very familiar figure appeared over the edge of the peak.
"Hey, Cap'n, boys!" Boss waved at us eagerly, looking slightly banged up on account of the thick but still clearly bloody bandage wrapped around his chest. "You finally made it! Glad to see you're alright!"
Leo and Donny's jaws hit the bottom of the deck as they stared upwards.
"We will never be as truly awesome as he is, will we?" Leo asked weakly.
"Signs point to nope," Donny concurred with a minor whimper.
I gaped in awe as I tried to process what I was seeing. "Boss… what…" I gestured at him weakly. "What the absolute hell!? What the heck brought this on!?"
Boss's cheerful demeanour evaporated like an ice cube in hell, scowling as he folded his tail and sat on the pile. I blinked in confusion as the pile seemed to shiver before letting out a gurgle of realization: the sharks he was sitting on were neither dead nor unconscious; they were fully conscious but too scared out of their bruised skulls to move a fin and risk Boss's ire!
"This," Boss rapped his fist on the shark he was sitting on, causing another ripple of twitches. "Is the end result of me working out my shame and frustration." The dugong burned through a third of his cigar in a huff and blew out an evil-looking cloud of smoke through grit teeth. "I lost, and I don't. Like. Losing."
"WHAT!?"
"ACK!" I yelped as Sanji bodily shoved his way past me in order to glare up at the dugong.
"You'd better not have let any harm come to the lovely ladies of our crew, you shitty-dugong!" the cook bellowed, looking to be a few degrees Celsius away from bursting into flames again.
Boss snorted and waved his flipper dismissively. "Oh, calm your tits, Sanji. Robin could handle ten of me at once, and Vivi and Nami, soft though they are, were trained under my boys. Even if they had been here, which they weren't, they'd have been fine." Boss grimaced and shook his head. "No, no, nothing happened to them. If there's anything I'm ashamed about, it's what I let happen to the Merry."
I felt as though a surge of ice had been shot into my veins. "What happened to the Merry, Boss!?"
Boss's cigar twitched in his mouth before he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder with a sigh.
I followed his thumb to the Merry and blinked in surprise. It… wasn't as good as I'd hoped, but much better than what I'd feared. The mast was still scorched and blackened, but overall it looked superficial, as did the scorched and charred scratches adorning her hull. Aside from Boss, the rest of the crew was busily stringing up the spare sailcloth, so that probably got burned, too. Unfortunately, the keel was obscured by sea cloud, so I'd have to ask Merry later tonight, assuming she did manifest the Klabautermann again. And considering the severity of her injuries and the fact that even with extra help, Usopp was struggling to patch her up, that occurrence appeared to be a foregone conclusion.
But as I said, it wasn't that bad, so—
"IT'S YOU!"
Terry's shout was matched by Isaiah's smug yet elegant grin. "It's me," he taunted. "Did you miss my magnificent presence that much?"
"ALL I MISSED WAS MY VOICE FULL OF POWEEEER!" Terry shouted, somehow managing to flex his muscles while staying in the air. "YOU, I CAN DO WITHOUT! AFTER ALL, ONLY A BLIND MAN DENIES THE AWESOME POWER OF BEAR GLOOOVE!"
"And yet Swagger remains the uncontested superior of the two."
"BEAR GLOVE!"
"Swagger."
"BEAR GLOVE!"
"You do know the definition of insanity, right?"
"BEAR GLOVE!"
"Shishishi, I love these two!" Luffy snickered.
"Yeah," Lassoo grinned as he watched my eye twitch. "There are always two shows at the price of one."
I, for one, grimaced miserably as I stared at the pile of sharks. "I wonder if I can convince one of those things to eat me…" I wondered ruefully.
"I imagine that many employees of the World Government would pay dearly to find a way to make that happen, Cross."
I jerked my gaze back up at the Merry, where one ultra-wanted archaeologist was grinning down at me. "Robin. Glad to see that most of the affairs on this end went off without a hitch. Mind telling me just what the heck happened?!"
Robin chuckled lightly, almost certainly at my annoyed tone, before pointing at a section of the shoreline. "I would suggest that you dock over there, Mister Jeremiah, and we will join you shortly. We have quite a bit to discuss."
And indeed we did. After Nami had given us an earful about Upper Yard being the missing half of Jaya—if I had to guess, I'd say she was both amazed and annoyed by the fact that the Grand Line could rearrange geography at the drop of a hat like that—we got details on what had happened to the Merry.
As in the manga, the 'captured' group had decided to split up and explore the jungle for a bit to discover some of the mysteries the trees held. In addition to Robin, Zoro, and Nami, Raphey, Mikey, Terry, Carue, and Vivi had also gone along for the chance at an adventure, while Usopp and Chopper stayed behind to watch over the Merry, and Boss stayed behind to watch over them. Things had gone on quite peacefully for a bit…
Until Shura happened.
In all fairness to the ship's guard, they'd actually managed to put up a damn decent fight against the bastard. In fact, they hadn't even blown the whistle until a minute or so into the fight because they didn't need to. Between Boss's fantastic martial arts straining Shura's Mantra, the blast radius of Chopper's Cherry Blossom Blasts, and the sheer miracle quality that Usopp's sniping held, they might have actually run him off.
Sadly, the decision had been taken out of their hands once Shura had started attacking the one crewmate present who couldn't defend themselves: the Going Merry herself. Boss had apparently managed to save her mast by using a Sky Shark as a living bucket with which to splash sea clouds on the flames, but a few flaming scratches later, he'd willingly blown the whistle himself.
Credit to the Sky Knight, he'd arrived in minutes. And once he'd arrived, the tables turned fast. Between his own skills and Pierre providing Boss the mobility he needed to keep up with Fuza? They had the so-called Sky Rider on the ropes. And they would have knocked him clear out of the ring, too!
Were it not for the fact that Shura decided to remind them both that they were fighting on his turf. Damn String Dials… I made a note during the conversation to comb the landscape around the altar at the nearest opportunity, because ten to one said that all of the priests had specialized Cloud Dials hidden nearby. I'd already let them abuse a home-field advantage once by forgetting to warn the team to check their surroundings before, I wasn't going to let it happen a second time.
Sadly, once Shura had them caught up in his strings, then he had them full-stop. A cauterized thrust clean through Gan Fall's chest that he was stupidly lucky to have lived through, as well as a 2-inch deep penetration through the belly of Boss's shell. It wasn't much, but combined with an almost 600-foot drop, it was still enough to stun him. And on top of that, he'd spent the time before Shura's arrival using the Sky Sharks as punching bags, so they'd wanted a bit of revenge, too. Thankfully, the delay-and-acceleration of events worked in their favor where it hindered us: when the Shandians invaded, Shura elected to leave, survivors or no.
On the lighter side, thanks to his instinctively amped intelligence, Chopper had the wherewithal not to throw himself into the bay to try and save his drowning allies. Of course, his hyper-logical mind instead prompted him to throw in someone else who could swim to fish the three out.
And really, when you were drowning in shark-laden waters with unnatural holes in your body, Usopp was one of the absolute last people you wanted to have attempting to save you.
After that, things had gone as normal: the Giant South Birds proved themselves to be far more hospitable than their Blue Sea counterparts, Boss had displayed his still-strong vigour by unleashing holy hell on the Sky Sharks that had tried to eat him, and then the away team had returned and started to help the guards repair the Merry. The rest was history.
"And did everything go as well as you hoped on your end, Cross?" Vivi asked as they finished, night having fallen and Sanji halfway through preparing a large pot of soup.
"Ugh… yes and no," I groused.
"The first shitty priest that we met, Satori, I think, was a complete wimp. All he had going for him was that Mantra ability, and since Cross knew its weaknesses, he and Lassoo did most of the work, and then Luffy finished him off," Sanji said.
"But Ohm was no pushover; Sanji got pushed to his limit, and right as Luffy got us the advantage we needed to turn the tables in our favour, the Shandians invaded, and Ohm pulled a last resort out of the ground while he escaped," Lassoo growled darkly. "We almost lost our heads to it, and could've lost a lot more."
"Eesh, sounds rough," Nami winced sympathetically. "How did you survive?"
I made to answer and then stiffened as I felt something sharp press into the small of my back. "Blind luck," I enunciated carefully. I then allowed myself to relax as the sharpness wore off; a wild guess was that Leo thought Zoro was too close for his comfort, and I wasn't willing to test him on it.
Whether they saw the Dugong's actions or not, everyone shrugged in acceptance. From there, it was a normal night with our crew: the injured trained as though they were invincible, the lazy slacked off as though they could get away with it, and the rest of us (me in particular) did whatever we wanted to pass the time between chores. I, for one, chose to kick back with a good fantasy book and make some progress in the reading. Honestly, one would think that a fantasy book in a world as fantastic as the Blue Seas would be somewhat… creatively stagnant, merely rehashing reality, but no, they actually had some damn decent authors.
Gan Fall woke up much earlier than I had expected, probably due to Chopper's advanced medical capabilities, and the reindeer had filled him in on the situation while we waited for Sanji to finish the soup. Following that, as we enjoyed another fine spectacle of Sanji's cooking, Nami finished her drawing and informed us of exactly what the land we were on was, and the knowledge of the City of Gold waiting for us elsewhere on the island. Spirits were high, but just as we were finishing our meals…
"The SHANDIANS are here."
Everyone was immediately on their guard at Soundbite's announcement, turning their eyes towards where he indicated. No movement or sound came for a few seconds.
"We're open for negotiations; we won't attack if you won't," Vivi called. A few seconds more, and rustling came from the treeline as three distinct figures came out and into the light. Wiper's hold on his bazooka was firm, as was his frown, but he wasn't glaring at us with as much venom this time. Kamakiri seemed to be the most at ease, though one hand was staying close to his Burn Blade. And alongside them was the black-haired female commander of the Shandians, Laki, arguably the most reasonable among all of them, though the fact that she was holding her rifle close to her chest showed that she wasn't unprepared either.
I couldn't say I was surprised at those three; the strongest warrior and the two most reasonable commanders among the Shandians were pretty much what I expected. What I didn't expect, however, was to see a girl in a light brown dress with brown hair visible beneath her cloth cap and a Burn Blade in one hand piggybacking on Laki's shoulders.
"I take it you recruit young?" I commented weakly, in spite of the warning glare Vivi sent at me the moment I opened my mouth. "Sorry if that's an inappropriate question, it's just that she seems a bit… out of place with you, is all."
Wiper glared at me for a second before jerking his chin at Conis with a grunt, causing her to flinch back fearfully. "The same could be said of the Skypiean fraternizing with a group of Blue Sea Dwellers that are here to dethrone her god."
I hastily stuck my hand out against Sanji as he bit into his cigarette and made to kick the Shandian's head in. He would have forced his way past me to do it, too, if not for some… divine intervention.
"Enel is not her people's god, Wiper."
All attention snapped over to the wounded Sky Knight, who was sitting up on his makeshift bed and panting heavily as he held a hand to his wound. Despite his obvious infirmity, he still managed to pin Wiper with an impressively stern glare.
"No more than he is mine. Or yours, for that matter," the old man stated firmly.
Wiper bristled visibly as he noticed the fallen god, while Kamakiri and Laki elected to step back warily. "Gan Fall—" the Berserker started to snarl.
"Save your insults, Wiper," Gan Fall spat out with more venom than I thought was physically possible for someone like him. "I was willing to humour your reckless attitude back in the day because you were a hotheaded youth and we still had time, but that is not the case at this point!"
The old man emphasized his point by ramming his fist into the tree trunk he was leaning against—the bark just splintered! Re-note to self: age equals badass around here, a few exceptions.
Leaning on Pierre for support, the bird having shifted to his pegasus form for more stability, Gan Fall slowly got to his feet and paced over to Wiper, glaring at him. "She is here for the same reason these Blue Sea Dwellers are here, the same reason you are here and, as of now, the same reason that I am here: to overthrow Enel's tyranny. Now, I am prepared to do whatever it takes to help them succeed, including setting aside past enmity. But if you are not, I am quite capable of showing you that a lack of a desire to fight does not indicate a lack of ability."
The two glared at each other for several seconds until Aisa tentatively spoke up.
"He's… he's telling the truth, Wiper."
As Wiper shot a glare at the girl, I took the opportunity to cut in. "You have Mantra?" I asked.
Aisa snapped her head towards me with a panicked expression. "W-what!? H-how did you—!?"
"We have it in the Blue Seas too, just by a different name," I hastily reassured her. "Some people are able to manifest it in unusual ways, like hyper-empathy for emotions and such. At a guess, Wiper brought you here to act as a lie detector or something?"
Aisa started to scowl and nod in agreement before flinching and cowering as Wiper renewed his glare at her. "No, we brought her along because Laki and Kamakiri couldn't say no to her whining, and even if we had left her behind, she'd have just snuck here anyways," he growled out irritably. "At least this way, she's good for something."
Judging by the way Aisa jerked around from Laki and gnashed her teeth at the warrior, that was a bit too far. "Without me, you wouldn't have known that Satori had fallen, you big jerk!" she howled, emphasizing the point with a stuck-out tongue and a pulled eyelid.
"I think I like her," Su piped up.
"DITTO," Soundbite grinned.
"God—real God, if that's an actual thing—help me, this is starting to become a thing," I ground out as I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"She's small, bratty, and she's riding around on someone's back," Zoro noted idly.
"I know, right?" Nami breathed in awe. "It's almost uncanny!"
"Three Aisas?" Kamakiri asked in dawning horror. "You know, I'm starting to reconsider the negotiating idea."
"I AM NOT AN ANIMAL COMPANION!" Aisa snarled.
"One of us, one of us," Su and Soundbite chanted eagerly.
"Someone please kill me…" I moaned. "Or preferably them?"
"I'm agreeing with you a bit too much for comfort, Cross…" Conis concurred as she gnawed on her thumb.
"Alright, enough!" Laki said sharply, drawing everyone's attention. She turned to Wiper and Gan Fall first. "We've had our disagreements with him in the past, but the fact that we're actually here is enough to prove that we're willing to compromise if it means reaching our goal. If that's still true, Wiper, then show it."
The berserker ground his teeth as he looked at Laki. Then, after a few seconds, he slowly turned to look at me. "Kamakiri said… that you came here with the help of a man named Montblanc Cricket. Is that true?"
"Yes. He was willing to help us because we believed in the possibility of something that sounded impossible," I explained.
"He sympathized on that note because of his past," Robin contributed, her tone purposefully careless, as though she hadn't already guessed the implications of what she was saying. "More precisely, because of his ancestor, a man who lived 400 years ago, whose outrageous stories of his adventures ultimately resulted in his execution when he showed his king to the site of a supposed city of gold, but found nothing there. The tale of Montblanc Noland the Liar has become a popular story in his home sea, and a point of indelible shame for his family."
That did it. Wiper's bazooka fell from his grip and clattered to the ground, and his jaw dropped open in horror, a reaction his companions mirrored. Damn, but I was glad that I had let Robin in on all of this.
"Noland… the Liar?" he repeated weakly. "Executed?"
I shook my head sadly as I spread my hands. "In cold blood. And to the very end, he never stopped repeating it. Over and over, he said that he'd seen a city of gold and that if it had gone missing, it must have sunken into the sea. A logical conclusion, considering the Grand Line, but…"
"But that's not what happened, is it?" Terry asked, his voice once more uncharacteristically calm as he and Isaiah swooped in from wherever they'd been listening, looking down on the Shandians from a branch. "We lived in the forest below before these guys used us to navigate to the Knock-Up Stream. And for as long as we, our parents, their parents, and their parents can remember, our job has been to protect the forest."
"The story goes that many years ago, a group of travelers were permitted to visit the island and its hidden city, Shandora," Isaiah continued. "A time after they departed, a catastrophe befell the island, when half of it shot into the sky due to the Knock-Up Stream. We have never found the island's inhabitants nor the city of Shandora since, and yet we guarded the forest with all the power we had to defend it from other intruders."
"And now we find out that the part of the island with Shandora on it is still intact… which makes you and your people the ones who live there," Terry finished.
"Our ancestors lived there," Kamakiri corrected bitterly. "We've never seen Shandora. Nobody has since the island came to the sky."
"Alright, hang on," I cut in, approaching the small group. "Let me just make sure of something here: you four are here to form an alliance with us, right?"
"You made the offer. If it still stands, then I'm all for it," Kamakiri replied neutrally.
"As am I," Laki concurred. All eyes turned to Wiper, who brushed the tears from his eyes as he looked around, his eyes lingering longest on Gan Fall. Finally, he turned to me.
"My ancestor, the great warrior Calgara, was the mightiest warrior of the Shandian tribe 400 years ago… and the outsider Montblanc Noland was his best friend."
He extended his hand to us. "If you're serious about your goal, then I accept your offer of alliance; for the sake of Calgara's final wish, and for the sake of clearing Noland's name, I will do whatever I must to bring down Enel, and light the fire of Shandora once more."
I looked at his hand and then gestured to Luffy, who came over. "I'm not the captain here. He is."
Wiper turned towards Luffy and raised a brow, but nonetheless extended his hand to the rubber man. "My name is Wiper, the strongest warrior among the Shandians."
"Monkey D. Luffy, captain of the Straw Hat Pirates," Luffy replied with equal seriousness; I guess he was still thinking back to when we met on the White Sea. But they shook, and that was that. Then Wiper turned to Gan Fall, and the latter held out a hand. Wiper regarded it coldly but ultimately grasped it as well.
"Until Enel is defeated. Then we'll see," Wiper growled.
"That will have to do," Gan Fall replied sternly.
"Alright, then," I said, clapping my hands and turning back to the others. "Robin, pen and paper, and lots of it. Everything we say will need to be written down to make sure he doesn't hear us."
"HEY! What about MY—"
"If your Gastro-Scramble can futz with Haki, Soundbite, then I think it would be better if we avoided doing it around an ally with the ability," I said dryly. The snail pouted, but nodded, and I turned back to the Shandians. "So, first things first: I'm pretty sure that our chef will insist on you having some of the soup he's made; he doesn't turn away anyone hungry, and I can guarantee that you'll love his food."
"We'll be fine, I'm sure," Wiper muttered. Not one second later, the sound of someone's stomach grumbling came from behind him, and he slowly turned to glare at Aisa again.
She reacted with a somewhat watery glare. "What!? Come on, I'm nine! I don't have a cast-iron stomach like you!" There was another stomach grumble. Wiper's glare at Aisa redoubled, but she shook her head. "That wasn't me!"
"Ah…" Kamakiri said as he raised his hand somewhat sheepishly, pointedly casting a sidelong look at the pot. "Soup… does sound good after a few hours of warfare, Wiper."
Aisa turned a very smug smirk on Wiper, who threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine! Go on, then! I'll focus on the main reason we're here. So, Luffy, was it—?"
"YOU'VE HAD YOURS ALREADY, LUFFY!"
WHAM!
Wiper observed with a studiously neutral expression as the rubber man in question was sent rocketing out of the clearing with a single kick.
"… Gan Fall, perhaps you can tell me—"
"And STAY in bed!"
The berserker's eye twitched as he observed the spectacle of a half-pint talking mass of venison gain almost ten times his own muscle mass in an instant before forcibly ordering the former god of Skypiea into his bed, and said former god complied with a nervous expression.
"…What about you?" he said, turning to me with a borderline pleading tone.
"Oh, don't worry, Robin and I will focus on planning things out long enough to get a good plan in mind, and if anyone with a good tactical mind and decent handwriting wants to get in on it, they can feel free…" Wiper sighed in relief until I grinned cheekily. "Buuut no guarantees after that. I hope you enjoyed your last day of being a heartless warrior."
"Welcome to life with the Straw Hat Pirates. Bid your last farewells to your problems and your sanity, because they'll never come back," Soundbite quoted.
"What have you gotten us into, Kamakiri?" Wiper muttered, turning back to his comrade-in-arms… only to see said comrade missing.
"Wow… this is the most delicious soup I've ever had!"
"Yummy!"
Wiper's face fell as he observed two of the other three Shandians enjoying Sanji's soup, seemingly without a care in the world. His jaw clenched viciously, and he turned to the last Shandian warrior. "So, you're one of the last people I can turn to in this world for sanity?" he asked Laki…
"Oh, I absolutely love the cut on your dress! Very functional, yet fashionable! What's it made of?"
"Sea King leather, believe it or not. Every once in a while, one that gets shot up in the Knock-Up Stream actually manages to reach the White Sea, and if we catch it before it falls back down, then we get a lot of useful hide and meat."
"Wow, that sounds incredible! Back on Angel Beach, we're all pretty much relegated to these uniforms we spin from Cloud Sheep wool. We've worked it out so that it's not all that itchy, but there's just no style to it…"
"Say, have either of you ever felt silk before? It's absolutely amazing, I have a few dresses I can show you back on the Merry!"
"Oh, that sounds amazing!"
"Thank you, I'd like that!"
Wiper's whole body seemed to jerk as he watched Vivi, Laki and Conis walk to the Merry, chatting like long-time girlfriends.
"...to hell with it," he ultimately growled, apparently deciding that the fight for his sanity just wasn't worth it before stalking over to where Zoro and Nami were splitting a bottle of the latter's grog. "You got any more of that?"
Zoro snorted in derision and took another swig. "Right, because you actually have half a chance at keeping up with us."
Wiper stiffened for a moment before lashing his hand out, snatching the bottle from Nami and draining it in a few swift gulps. Once he was done, he let out a hearty sigh before leering viciously at the first and second mates. "You call that alcohol? I've drunk Sea King piss that was stronger than this water."
"Drinking that stuff isn't macho, Wiper, it's just really stupid!"
"SHUT UP, AISA!" Wiper roared. As he was turning back to the two, however, a thick and heavy glass bottle was thunked onto the tree stump they were sitting around.
"Even in the realms of real alcohol, Sea King Piss is just that: piss," Boss snorted before grinning savagely. "If you want real hair on your chest, then I'd suggest you drink some Sea King Blood. Bit of a misnomer, though, considering how it tends to melt livers."
Wiper's answering grin mirrored Zoro and Nami's. "You're on, water-rat."
Boss's response was to whip out four shot glasses and fill them with the contents, and it looked outright evil. As in, a fly flew over them and died evil. "Put up or shut up, landlubbers," the Dugong replied savagely.
I turned away as the four of them reached for their glasses. Whatever war crimes against livers everywhere they were about to commit, I wanted no part in it.
"What happened to making a plan, Cross?" Robin asked, somewhat curiously, papers and pens in hand, ready to be distributed, while an extra set of hands held her soup.
"It appears that the impossible task of attempting to plan for every eventuality shall have to fall to us, my most valiant comrade," I said in the most Russian voice I could muster as I accepted my own paper and pad. "Now c'mon, let's hammer out a war strategy nice and fast. The sun's starting to go down, and we'll have to stop once it gets dark."
Robin nodded in agreement. "Yes, that's a good point. We'll need to keep our fire small in order to avoid drawing attention once night falls."
I smiled like I'd never smiled before when several members of the crew froze around us.
"Did I hear that right, Cross?" Usopp asked.
"Did she just say what I think she just said?" Boss intoned.
"I knew she must have led a sheltered life, but this is ridiculous," Zoro said.
"Alas, poor Robin," Sanji moaned.
"Sad, just sad," Luffy shook his head in disappointment.
"Now, now, my friends!" I waved my hands consolingly. "I assure you, this is entirely a case of nurture and nature gone wrong! This is a sad event indeed, but it is not her fault, of that I assure you."
Robin blinked in confusion before producing the packet of notes I'd made and sifting through it, her eyes scanning the pages, clearly wondering what she could have missed.
Apparently, Nami didn't get it either. "Wait, what the heck are you guys talking about?"
"FOOL!" Soundbite bellowed with enough ham to feed Luffy for a day. "IT IS ONLY the natural conclusion!"
"WHEN YOU CAMP, YOU CAMPFIRE, NO MATTER WHAT!" Luffy proclaimed valiantly as he fell to his knees and punched the ground.
"NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ALWAYS KEEP THE FIRE GOING, EVEN ON THE VERGE OF DEATH!" Usopp proclaimed, more conviction in his voice than I'd ever heard before. "THAT'S JUST A COLD, HARD FACT OF LIFE!"
Robin slowly closed the packet before writing something out and showing it to me: 'You knew about this, and didn't tell me because?'
I grinned and took the pen before scrawling out, 'What, and ruin the surprise? I need your help with the life-and-death stuff. You need ours with the cutting loose stuff, because justified as your attitude might be, you have a few more rods up your ass than is typically healthy.'
I couldn't be sure, but I think that her eye twitched as she read the reply. "Miss Navigator, how much of an exercise in futility would it be to attempt to talk them out of this?"
"Not enough to keep me from trying!" Nami spat as she slammed her freshly drained glass on the stump. "Do you morons not realize that we're in the middle of enemy territory here?! We need to keep a low profile or—"
"Hey, Captain, does this look like enough wood?" Raphey asked as she leaned against the stupidly huge pillar of wood she'd assembled with Leo's help.
"Nicely done, my most faithful students!" Boss proclaimed proudly.
"DO YOU MORONS JUST LISTEN TO EVERY OTHER WORD I SAY!?" the navigator shrieked.
"Of course, we listen to you, hence how we know that you're spouting nonsense," I scoffed.
"He's right, you know," Lassoo snickered. "Enel's probably listening to us right now and hearing us make a pact with the Shandians, the Sky Knight, and one Skypiean to take him down tomorrow. Low profile? That ship has sailed, fired upon the land, and then burned the land's flag."
Nami opened her mouth and then hung her head. "Well, I can't argue with that… well, what about the local wildlife?!" she rallied quickly.
"ARE YOU really asking that?" Soundbite sniffed in offence, turning pointedly in the direction of several pairs of eyes looking out at us from the forest. "COME OUT already!"
Everyone present aside from myself stiffened as a pack of wolves complied with Soundbite's instructions, and the leader, a scar over one of his eyes, spoke up.
"'Ey, jerk-wads, youse all're bein' way too lou—huh?"
I stared at the confused canine for a moment before shaking my head firmly. "Right, a Fonz-voiced wolf is apparently my final limit." I raised my hand. "CHECK, PLEASE!"
"Dream on," Soundbite drawled.
-o-
And from there, the party kicked into high gear. After a bit of persuasion that went much more easily with Soundbite's powers, the tower of logs that Raphey and Leo had gathered was lit into a massive bonfire, around which the wolves, the Kiddie Trio, Carue, and the TDWS were dancing. Wiper, Nami, Zoro, and Boss continued their drinking contest, and Lassoo and Kamakiri had decided to fight over who had the right to pig out on the soup's leftovers, while, much to Sanji's pleasure, Vivi, Laki, and Conis had set up an impromptu catwalk.
…I had the distinct feeling that that wouldn't happen again anytime soon. And that meant a lot, coming from me. Hence, I took the opportunity to snap as many pictures as I could with our Vision Dial.
Through it all, Robin watched from the edges of the light, only just a part of it, but a part of it nonetheless. And that… well, that meant everything to me.
Nonetheless, I could only enjoy it so much before business beckoned to me, and I cast a glance through the darkness to where I knew the Merry floated. Tonight was the night, and there was no way in hell that I was going to miss the chance to talk to her. The problem, though, was that she was smart, and while she probably didn't know that I knew, if I just came aboard her without any reason, then she'd know that I knew and wouldn't show up! Freaking hell, this was confusing.
Bottom line: I needed a natural excuse to sleep on the Merry, pronto.
…And suddenly, the answer presented itself to me in the form of Aisa chasing Su around the campfire, the two of them laughing their asses off. A plan began to coalesce in my mind, and it would serve the dual purpose of getting me to my goal and providing Nami, Chopper, and Vivi the payback I owed them for that throat chop back when we met Masira. Robin could wait. I still owed her for Whiskey Peak, and the bit with Masira gave me a lot more leeway, but those three? No mercy. I glanced at Soundbite, and if the way he grinned at me was any indication, my eyes must have betrayed the mischievous feelings I had.
"Be as quiet as you can be. Tell Su, Lassoo, the TDWS, Aisa, and the boss of the wolves to make their way into the woods, quietly," I said, slowly backing away into the treeline. This was going to be worth it in every possible way…
… But damn if I wasn't going to pay dearly for it.
And that was exactly the point.
-o-
An hour or two later, the party was starting to wind down, energy draining out of the partygoers as their bodies reminded them that, like it or not, they were still mortal and they did need their rest.
The bonfire was just burning down to a pile of charred and glowing embers when Zoro stretched his muscles with a jaw-cracking yawn. "Alright, I'd say that now the night is pretty much over. Kill the fire and let's get some sleep."
Before anyone could move, I cut in with a massive gasp, going so far as to cover my mouth with the back of my hand. "Sir! You forget yourself!" I stuck my palm out to him while clenching my fist and shaking my head sadly. "And in spite of the astute knowledge you displayed earlier today… For shame, Zoro, for shame."
"SHAME! SHAME!" Soundbite parroted.
Zoro stared at me in confusion. "What the hell are you—?" I cut off his response by sticking a finger in his face.
"After all the dedication you put into celebrating the night in a most appropriate manner, I had thought of you as a brother in arms, Zoro!" I lamented dramatically. "And yet, here at its zenith, the very end, you neglect the most important part of all! The coup de grâce, the final crescendo! Oh, the shame! Oh, the humanity!"
"The humanity! The humanity!"
"What the heck are you talking about, Cross!?" Nami demanded.
I stiffened and slowly turned to shine an extra-wide grin at her. "Why… I'm talking about the scary campfire stories, of course."
And just like that, all activity in the clearing ceased, a feat aided by the ghostly wind that Soundbite was blowing. The male members of the crew slowly moved to circle around the campfire, looking at me expectantly, while the female members and Shandians, too tired to argue, followed their example. I grinned and tilted the brim of my hat down to cover my eyes, hiding the fact that I was glancing around and confirming that my compatriots were in their positions.
"Gentlemen, ladies," I breathed slyly, Soundbite helping my voice to eerily waft through the air. "Tonight, I share with you but one version of a tale oft told. A tale of romance and rejection, of life and death… of man, and the sea. Tonight, I tell you the tale of the goddess Calypso and her lover…" I glanced up at my audience, a feral grin glinting in the firelight. "Davy Jones…"
My audience shivered heavily, either from the ethereal quality Soundbite had layered over my voice, the sudden gale he whistled, or some combination of the two.
I stood up and spread my hands to begin the tale. "Long, long ago, when the seas were still wild and untamed, and the world was young, all waters of the world were ruled by the great goddess of the seas…"
"Calypso…" Soundbite sighed heavily, and Sanji got something of a dreamy look in his eyes.
"As beautiful and as vicious as her domain, sailors the world over adored and feared her in equal measure. And yet!" I stuck my finger up suddenly, causing a few spectators to jump. "She had eyes… for but one. A young sailor, handsome, brave and bold in equal measure, who won her heart and her his. This sailor… was Davy Jones.
The audience seemed to focus on me a little more. Vivi had outright hearts in her eyes; she probably needed to lay off the romance novels.
"And yet, despite this deep love, the Goddess could accept naught but the best as her suitor. As such, she assigned Davy Jones a most worthy task, through which he would prove the veracity of his emotions. She assigned him to collect the souls of the dead, those who perished within Calypso's waters, and to ferry them across the great divide to the other side with his mightiest of vessels, the Flying Dutchman." I began to pace back and forth in front of the log I'd been sitting on, the audience following my every move. "There was, however, a catch. In order to prove his dedication to his task, Davy Jones would have to suffer the ultimate curse of the sailor, in its most extreme form: he would only be able to set foot upon the land and see his love once every. Ten. Years. If his dedication were true and honest, then would he be deemed worthy of the goddess and be released from his task?"
Some watchers nodded unconsciously.
"Ten years did Davy Jones sail, and ten years did he toil, until the fateful day he was allowed to return to land. And yet, when he came ashore… Calypso was nowhere to be found. For while the ocean's bounty might be deep and rewarding… so too is it fickle and wild."
Several faces darkened in sadness or anger. Vivi especially looked ready to strangle a bitch.
"Enraged by this betrayal, Davy Jones' heart turned as black as pitch, and his mind as stormy as a hurricane. He plotted and schemed, and in the throes of his grief, he committed the ultimate betrayal: he ensorcelled Calypso with black magicks and bound her in the body of a mortal, forever cutting her off from his domain. Then, abandoning her on land, he returned to the seas, not as a venerable ferryman… but as a blight."
"That's so horrible." The whisper circled around, but nobody could tell who said it.
"No longer did Davy Jones ferry those who fell at sea. Rather, he stole them away to his dark and damned locker, where he left them to rot for all eternity. No more did he act with honour or justice. Rather, he struck with malice and vitriol, sinking ship after damned ship with a vengeance.
"So deep was his grief that the man did not realize his mistakes until he was too far gone to care: for as he enacted his evil upon the world, his evil tainted all around him as well."
Grimaces decorated several faces, and the more skittish members of the crew started to look nervous.
I continued the tale, my pacing turning into a slow circuit of the camp, looking each listener dead in the eye as I rammed each detail home. "His beloved Flying Dutchman, his pride and joy, soaked in the seas like a sponge. Water rotted every plank, and every fresh wave that hit the ship drew out a chorus of agonized groans. The sails became torn and tattered, only just managing to grasp at the winds that blew through them. And creatures of the sea, from barnacles to coral and all that lies between, climbed up the hull to infest every inch of the once-proud vessel. The vessel… and her crew."
The audience collectively shuddered, several of them grasping their arms.
"Indeed, Davy Jones' crew did not escape his curse either. They became warped. Twisted. Their souls were sullied as much as their captain's, and their bodies twisted to reflect it. They became abominations, horrific combinations of fish and human that would disgust even the fishmen themselves. The sea wove itself in and around the men, the pests of the sea burrowing deep, deep into their flesh, as they were made one with their damned ship… and their thrice damned captain."
My voice began to rise in volume and speed. No longer was I smiling; now my face was twisting into a feral snarl as I continued circling around.
"Yes… Davy Jones was the most distorted and vile of them all. His body twisted and warped itself into a monstrous form, worthy of his evil. His beard, once luxurious and awe-inspiring, became clumped and massed together by salt and rime, until it came alive, into the grasping arms of a cephalopod." I emphasized the point by placing my hand under my chin and wiggling my fingers. "And his left arm, once so mighty and powerful, became rough and jagged, barnacles and coral growing all along it, until it coalesced into a singular limb." I held my arm up and pinched my hand into a hard claw. "A crab's claw, massive in scale, and capable of snapping a man's neck with a single snip."
Even Wiper shuddered at that.
"But not even there did his evils end. For even as a monster, his heart yearned and ached for his beloved Calypso, an agony that he could not bring himself to bear." I raised my hand and clenched my fingers over my chest. "So, he cut his own chest open… and ripped out his own still-beating heart."
The throbbing heartbeat that Soundbite layered through the air served to turn quite a few faces green. Even Robin looked ill at ease.
As I continued, I was now crouching down, hunched over the fire like a certain ring-obsessed imp. "He then locked his heart away, at the very ends of the earth, and returned to the sea anew. Now truly a heartless monster, Davy Jones's evils knew absolutely no bounds. He sailed the seven seas with rancour and malice, attacking all who fell within his sight. He brought misery and heartache to all who saw his ship, and death to all who saw his vile face…
"And every once in a blue moon, he would mark a sailor who had wronged him…" I glanced around, confirming the affirmative looks I was getting from my accomplices before turning my palm out to the audience. "With the Black Spot.
"The Spot was a vile curse indeed. A boil, writhing and squirming with the demons of hell, was branded into the palm of his chosen victim. Naught could be done to remove it, save for Davy Jones himself deciding that the debt had been in some way repaid…"
All around the campfire, one by one, certain members of the audience jerked and started in shock. Nami, Chopper, Sanji, and Vivi all looked as though they'd had simultaneous heart attacks. Slowly, ever so slowly, they drew their hands up before their eyes and stared, the blood draining from their faces.
It took all I had to keep from cackling then and there. No clue how they'd managed to stick masses of tarred worms on the four's hands (or equivalent limbs), but damn if the TDWS hadn't just shown their stealth chops.
"The Spot marks his chosen for death, allowing Davy Jones to find his victims no matter where they might be, so that he might exact his payment."
"Wh-what does he do?" Aisa breathed in a faux-meek voice, causing more than a few people to jump, especially the 'marked', who were listening very attentively.
I chuckled darkly as I started to pace around the campfire again, putting myself as close to the shadows as I could. "What does he do, she asks… Davy Jones' sole currency is the exact same duty he abandons every day: the lives of humanity. And there are but three ways to repay a debt upon one's soul. The first is to offer up the soul of another, so that they might pay your debt in your place. The second is with hard labour, to join his crew of the damned, for however many years you must work off your debt. Yet none truly ever leave the Dutchman, for to become part of the crew is to become part of the ship. To become part of the ship… is to become part of the crew…"
Nami whimpered miserably as she started to hyperventilate. "A-a-and the third?" she squeaked meekly.
I slowly turned my dead gaze upon her, my face devoid of all emotion. "There is but one final way to pay the debt… by paying the debt we must all pay one day or another. By accepting one's fate in the depths of Davy Jones' Locker."
Chopper let out a wheeze, like a broken, worn squeaky toy.
I chuckled darkly as I shook my head, turned around, and paced towards the darkness. "They always try to run, you know? They always try to hide on land or avoid the sea… but it's a futile endeavour. Because come hell or high water, be it on land or sea, through sleet, rain or snow… just as the sun rises and the sun sets, as the wind blows and the sea writhes, there will forever be a permanent fact of this world that none can contest…"
I spun around on my heel and smiled, the shadows no doubt playing merry hell with my face.
"Davy Jones always gets his man."
Dead silence fell as I made that pronouncement, apart from a couple of barely audible whimpers from the 'marked,' until a hiss drew everyone's attention to the fire. A puff of steam rose up, another drop of water glistening in mid-air. Then the hissing began to intensify, drops of water intensifying into a stream. It continued for a full ten seconds until…
SPLOOSH!
The fire went out in an instant as a tub-load of water dropped onto the glowing embers, plunging the campsite into darkness. The instant that that happened, utter pandemonium erupted, a flurry of shouting and movement erupting in the pitch darkness as everyone tried to make sense of things… until another light appeared. I knew that it came from salvaged Lamp Dials dyed with plant matter, slowly lighting up the clearing with an eerie green glow, but to everyone else? It was as though they were underwater.
Before anyone could say anything further or react, their attention was drawn to the shadows of the clearing, where a sound was ringing out.
Scraaaaape… THUNK! Scraaaaape… THUNK! Scraaaaape… THUNK!
Before everyone's horrified eyes, a figure strode out of the shadows of the jungle and into the unholy light that had appeared. The noise was coming from the figure's leg: crustacean-like, it scraped along the vearth-covered ground, each step heavy with a galosh. The figure's clothing was tattered and ratty; an admiral's coat and a tricorn, surely once grand in appearance, but now looking as though they were centuries past their prime. But its face… scaly, yellowish, tentacles sprouting from his chin and reaching over his shoulders and down his chest, writhing and squirming as though with minds of their own. Overall, it resembled nothing less than the living incarnation of evil itself.
The figure stood silent on the edge of the clearing, scanning the gathered people, its gaze flicking over each one before slowly settling on four individuals in particular, causing hearts to freeze.
"I have but one question for ye all…" the figure groaned, his voice deep and bubbling, as though it came from the lips of the drowned.
The figure then raised up his left hand, nay, his claw, and pointed it at the audience.
"DO YE FEAR DEATH, LANDLUBBERS?!"
And he snapped the jaw of the claw shut with a resounding SNAP!
That was the absolute limit.
"EEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!" Nami and Vivi shrieked at the top of their lungs while they held on to one another, their hair turning white from sheer terror. Chopper was silent alongside Usopp, Carue, and Pierre on account of how they'd all keeled over with their eyes rolled up in their heads and foam bubbling out of their mouths, and as for Sanji? Well… he was still trying to unlock his muscles from the tree branch he'd clamped onto… thirty feet off the ground, with Boss right next to him.
The Shandians and Gan Fall were scrambling madly to find their weapons and skates, cold sweat cascading down their faces as the search proved completely fruitless. Conis was passed out with all the grace of an angel, Robin was caught between trembling with terror and repressed laughter, Zoro's hands fumbled uselessly with his swords, struggling to pull them from their sheaths, and Luffy was staring in equal parts awestruck amazement and paralyzed terror.
And me? Well, what else could I do in this situation, faced with the priceless and amazing sight that I saw? In the face of pain and destruction that was completely inevitable but so damn awesome for the fact that I had managed to make it this far, there was really only one possible reaction.
"Pff…"
It was as though a switch was flipped. From motion to nothing, the whole clearing froze as everyone processed what they'd heard. They tried to make sense of it, tried to reconcile what they'd heard with reality...
"Pffff..." I hunched forward and shuddered slightly as I tried to hold it in.
Vivi's jaw slowly dropped open. "Oh, holy shit."
"What the hell…" Nami managed to get out.
"Pffffffff…!" I started to shake and shudder violently, the sheer force of what I was feeling shaking me to my core.
"Why did I ever think it was a good idea to team up with these lunatics?" Kamakiri groaned.
"Cross, you SON OF A—" Zoro started.
"PFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I finally busted out roaring, falling over on my ass and letting the weight of my costume crash down on me, the lobster and octopus I was sporting scrambling away as I flat-out cackled, laughing and laughing and laughing at the abso-freaking-lutely hilarious reactions I'd gotten. "OH MY GOOOOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FA-A-ACES! PFFHAHAHAHAAAAA!"
I wasn't the only one laughing my head off, either. Soundbite, Su, Aisa, Lassoo, and the TDWS were expected, as were the cloud wolves—those who had helped me and not—and Luffy. But it seemed that my performance had broken the most stoic members of our assemblage: Zoro was laughing too hard to finish his insult, Wiper and Gan Fall were both pounding the ground laughing, and Robin, I was elated to see, had fallen against a rather large root, laughing herself to tears.
It was simply unfortunate that I couldn't enjoy the moment more, for as my laughter died down, I became aware of the fact that a number of people were standing around me, glaring bloody murder at my prone form.
My laughter slowly trailed off as I stared up at them all until I allowed myself a hopeful grin.
"I… don't suppose any of you guys can take a joke?"
Their response came in the form of a symphony of metallic clicking as they brought their weapons up to bear.
"…I take it that's a no?"
What came next made the stunt I'd just pulled equal parts totally worth it and not worth it at all.
But either way… damn if it wasn't funny!