It was roughly an hour or two after Enel's defeat that my body let me come out of the daze I'd been in. While Chopper tried to insist that I rest for another day, enough of my mental faculties were active to know that that would have intolerable consequences: I would miss the victory party. In light of that, Chopper gave me a shot of the most stable of his adrenaline serums, though it left me fidgeting and feeling like I'd just chugged a six-pack of Coke.
The first thought on my mind once I was cleared to leave was what I'd missed, and the crew, plus a newly returned Luffy, Nami, Vivi, and Conis, were quite happy to fill in the blanks.
Most of what happened during the Survival Game was too detailed to bother talking about, especially with what I knew already, so we just covered the highlights: Shura, Gedatsu, Yama, and Hotori and Kotori's much easier defeats—and that was saying something for Shura—Zoro's newfound 'friendly' rivalry with Braham inspiring his Phoenix attacks, and Enel's enthusiastic crashing of the Survival Game, with little to no care about who he did or didn't fry, after my encounter with him.
When all was said and done, the number of people who survived to make it to Shandora—excluding Luffy, Aisa, and Pierre, who were still in Nola—was seven: the canon five, Boss, and Braham, with Carue and Chopper joining the fray soon after they arrived with me in tow. As Enel spoke of his plans, Gan Fall had charged in a furious rage and fallen easily. Robin kept silent about the bell due to my forewarning, and observed as Wiper made his successful assault on the lightning-man, adding her own powers to break his limbs and neck in the process.
Unfortunately, he then proceeded to demonstrate just how legitimately bullshit Logia abilities are by circumventing the injuries and using his own lightning to puppet his nerves along with restarting his heart, and both of them and Braham fell to the self-proclaimed god. Despite attempting to use Wiper's skate, Zoro, Boss, Carue, and Chopper fell similarly, leaving only Nami and myself. Nami managed to fast-talk him into not finishing me off, and instead gave me a chance to repent at seeing more of his power, and so he brought me along to the Ark Maxim.
After we escaped the Maxim, Nami headed back to Shandora, where Sanji and Usopp joined her shortly afterward; apparently, Isaiah and Terry had managed to talk some of the local South Birds into giving them a lift. They hadn't escaped with Nami's Waver fully unscathed, though that was mostly because of the fact that neither of them was capable of piloting the thing right, but they did end up in Shandora in time. Unfortunately, despite Luffy's increased rage, he hadn't managed to cope with the giant ball on his arm, so he joined them there not long afterward. After that, things had proceeded according to usual.
A little bit too usual, actually.
"So, we lost Angel Island, huh?" I sighed sadly.
"There was nothing we could do to stop the first Raigo, Cross," Nami replied, shaking her head solemnly.
"But it's not all bad news," Conis said with a bittersweet smile. "Nobody was killed in the attack; the island was fully evacuated before it was destroyed."
"We've actually got you to thank for that, Cross!" Vivi happily informed me.
"Eh?" I blinked at her in confusion. "How so? I was completely out of it at the time!"
"Actually, it was something you did before then."
I tried to make heads or tails of what she was saying for a second before giving Soundbite a flat look. "I'm lost."
"Ditto," the gastropod nodded in agreement.
"The SBS, you idiots!" Nami snickered.
"Eh!?" Now I was really confused. "But how—?"
"It's easy!" Su piped up, stretching herself out slightly as she tested the bandages Chopper had wrapped around her. "While Soundbite might be the first autonomously talking slimeball we've had up here in the clouds, he's not the only one of his kind in the White Sea!"
"Indeed," Conis nodded in agreement. "You see, not all Blue Sea Dwellers who come up here are quite as…" She hesitated slightly as she sought out a word.
"Hectic?" Raphey provided.
"…sure, let's go with that." Going by her expression, she felt that didn't quite cover things, and frankly, neither did I. "Anyway, there have been instances where inhabitants of Angel Island have traded Dials for Transponder Snails in the past, often to keep as pets. I've never done so myself, and I wasn't around one to hear your broadcast in the past few days, so I had no idea about it until we found out that Captain McKinley had already begun an evacuation when Vivi and I arrived at Angel Island to warn… them…"
She trailed off, and both she and Su looked away sadly.
"What's—? Oh, riiight." I flinched as I remembered what I'd meant to tell her for a while now. "Uh, Conis, about Pagaya…"
"I-it's fine, Cross…" Conis sighed sadly, hugging her arms as she looked away. "I… it hurt when it happened, but until now it was just… a fact of life. I… I know that he's gone, I accept it, and…" Tears started to trail from her eyes. "I'll… always miss him…"
"And I'll miss you too, Conis," Pagaya reassured her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Just know that I'll always love you, alright?"
Conis smiled tearfully as she grasped the hand. "Thank you, Father, that means the world to me."
"But of course. It's a parent's duty to accept their children's dreams, after all."
"I know, but still—"
"WILL YOU HURRY UP AND READ WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS SITUATION ALREADY!?" Su shrieked.
That got Conis to blink in surprise… which made her open her eyes… which let her see Pagaya. And that got her to reel in shock. "FATHER!?"
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!" concurred a chorus of indignant voices from my crewmates.
"I'm sorry, I'm alive," Pagaya said apologetically.
I facepalmed, immediately regretting the action as a shot of pain raced down my arm, before looking back at Conis with a sheepish grin. "So, yeah. He's still alive. Crazy, hu… uh… Conis?"
I trailed off in confusion as I caught sight of her. She was frozen, sure, that much I'd expected, but rather than an expression of euphoria and relief like I'd thought she'd show, she looked confused and… conflicted? It was only for a moment, though; the next second, she broke into a joyful smile and embraced her father.
I exchanged glances with Soundbite, who was equally confused, but we ultimately shrugged it off. Not our business.
"Good to see you're still alive, old man!" I waved cheekily… another action I promptly regretted with a wince, this time directing a look at my mummified arm.
Yeah… Enel had done a hell of a number on my limbs. The good news was that I didn't have to worry about leaving fingerprints ever again! Or fingernails, for that matter. Or nails of any kind, really…
Simply put, my limbs looked like they'd been… melted, for lack of a better term. The flesh on my lower arms and legs was completely coated in third-degree burns, making them look like runny wax candles more than anything else. See, according to Chopper, the majority of my injuries came not from Enel's lightning, but rather from the heat that it had caused in my armour, which had pretty much flash-cooked all the skin on my limbs from the elbows and knees down. He'd have been able to do more to help them, save that my innards had been in pretty bad condition too, so he'd had to operate there first. On the bright side, I'd have a hell of a story if anyone asked why the hell I had scars from a Y-incision all over my torso.
Still, by the time he'd finished guaranteeing that I'd live, there wasn't much he could do about my limbs; the flesh had re-solidified inside my armour, and he'd been forced to cut both it and most of my epidermis off alongside it in order to save my arms. It was all he could do to keep my nerves intact; I hadn't lost any motor abilities, thank God, but it would be a long time—post-timeskip long—before I'd be able to stand having my arms and legs exposed without it feeling like the air was burning the naked dermis.
But really, it wasn't all that bad. The medicine-soaked bandages Chopper had given me kept the pain to a minimum, and he said that the flesh would heal in a day or two. Usopp was already working on cleaning my flesh out of the remains of my old armour and reforging what was left into something even better based on Gan Fall's own armour, assuring me that he'd have it insulated this time, and above all else…
"Come on, you've got to admit, it's at least a little badass, right?" I grinned as I held up my bandage-wrapped forearm for Nami to see.
"The absolute hell it is!" she snarled viciously. "What is it with men and thinking that scars are cool?! You really think that being nearly killed like that is some kind of proof of being badass?"
"Oh, no, no, no, Nami," I said, smirking. "Being nearly killed like that because you refused to yield to the demands of a tyrannical jerkass like Enel, and stayed true to your beliefs even if you thought you'd die for it? That is the proof of being a badass, and these are the proof that I did it."
"Heh," Sanji smirked. "I have to admit that I'm impressed, Cross; I haven't seen anyone stay that firm in their beliefs since Mosshead fought Mihawk."
"Ugh… that's just reinforcing my point. Seriously, did getting nearly bisected give any benefits besides a stupid scar?"
"Definitely," I said firmly. "The only swordsmen that Mihawk respects are the ones capable of putting up a decent fight against him. Zoro is the sole exception; the heart he showed changed Mihawk's view of him from just another overconfident rookie to the best candidate for his successor."
Zoro's grin in response to that statement was more joyful than I had ever seen from him, prompting Nami to roll her eyes. "Alright, for the sake of Zoro's dream, I'll agree that that's a good bright side. But I still say that this—" She gestured at my bandages "—was stupid, not 'badass.' You haven't given me a reason why you wouldn't have been better off swallowing your pride and backing off!"
I shrugged. "I'll let you know as soon as I have one to show you. Anyway, how's everyone else doing?"
"A few bruises and burns, but nothing as bad as yours," Boss grumbled, slamming his fist into his palm. "And I'm lucky about that; those notes of yours were a little too accurate for my tastes, though you forgot to include where the hell he went when all was said and done! Believe me, if I'd gotten my hands on him after Luffy was through with him, that bastard would be sky shark chum right now!"
"Actually, I omitted telling you where he'd end up by design," I admitted, to much incredulity. "Don't get me wrong, I want him dead as much as you do, but this was the only way I could think of that guaranteed that the Rumble-Rumble Fruit would have little to no chance of crossing our path again; if the user of a Devil Fruit dies, the power is reincarnated into the nearest appropriate fruit, and there's no guarantee that that fruit would be native to Skypiea, or in the sky at all. The last thing we need is for it to fall into the hands of another enemy, or God forbid, the Marines."
"Then what's gonna happen to Enew now? That fwying ship of his cwashed somewhewe faw away when Luffy beat him," Carue said.
"It might have crashed, but dick that he is, Enel's also a hell of an engineer. The crash didn't damage the ship enough to keep him down. But unless I pissed him off more than I expected, he's running with his tail between his legs—!"
"Watch it," Lassoo warned me.
"It was a valid saying before we had a talking dog on the crew, mutt," I glared at him before continuing. "Anyways, he's taking his power to the one place where no one can get their hands on it for a long time."
It only took Nami a second to pale in shock. "W-wait, you mean that his ship—!?"
"Is flying off to what he knows as Fairy Vearth, and what we know as—"
"BAM, POW, straight to THE MOON!" Soundbite provided eagerly.
Nami stared at us in blank horror for a moment before collapsing to her knees. "NOOOOOOO!" she howled, shaking her fists at the sky in despair.
"Uh, Nami?" Luffy asked in confusion.
"MY GOLD!" Nami screamed, as though every inch of her was in agony… which, on second thought, might not have been that far off a comparison. "ALL OF MY BEAUTIFUL GOLD, GONE!" She hunched forward and started slamming her fists on the ground. "CURSE YOU, ENEL! CUUUURSE YOOOOUUUU!"Seriously?" Soundbite asked flatly before tilting his eyestalks in confusion. "Huh. THIS SEEMS FAMILIAR…"
"There, there, Nami, it's not all bad…" Vivi kindly rubbed the navigator's back.
"Yeah, she's right!" I concurred promptly. "As a matter of fact, there's even more gold waiting for us, gold that he didn't take, just ripe for the picking."
"WHAT!?"
THWACK!
"Ow!" I winced in pain as Nami bodily tackled me and started shaking me by my collar.
"Where is it, man, where is it!?" she ranted, practically foaming at the mouth.
"Let—me—go—and—I'll—tell—you!" I managed to get out. In the end, it took half a dozen of Robin's arms and two dugongs to pull the gold-crazed navigator off of me. I hacked and wheezed as I massaged my throat before responding.
"Alright, first things first…" I pointed at Nola, who'd been gleefully slithering through the ruins of Shandora ever since she'd woken up. "See that giant snake there?"
"Yeah?" Usopp asked, already visibly uncomfortable with where this conversation was heading.
"We need to get it black-out drunk."
"Wha—get the snake dru—?" Nami said, before her eyes widened. "All of that wreckage… of course."
"Yeah, and you know, the best place to get a lot of alcohol is a good party, and considering how we've just put an end to six years of tyranny and a 400-year war—"
"VICTORY PARTY!"
By the time I'd stopped seeing double and my ears had stopped ringing, Nami was long gone. "That was louuud…" I moaned as I knocked my hand against my ear.
"TELL ME about it…" Soundbite agreed, his eyes spinning miserably.
"So… is it usually like this for you guys?" Aisa asked as she eyed the dust trail that Nami had left.
"I can still smell some adrenaline in the air, and I'm pretty certain that she must be a mile into the jungle by now," Su deadpanned. "What the heck do you think?"
"Alright, anyway, before we get started with the party, I have something else to take care of," I said, reaching for the transceiver. "Aisa, how's Wiper doing right now?"
"He's conscious, thanks to Chopper, but the doctor's orders are that he doesn't do anything more strenuous than speaking right now," Aisa replied.
"Alright. Lead me to him, I think he'll want to be the one to do this. Meanwhile, I think it's high time we found out what else this thing is capable of."
-o-
Beneath the waters of Paradise, a small pirate crew that was swiftly becoming one of the most infamous groups of seafaring rogues of the generation sailed in a ship that would result in Soundbite being gagged within thirty seconds of seeing it, lest he fill the air with the voices of John, George, Ringo, and Paul until the crew's ears fell off. Aboard this ship was one of the world's finest doctors and surgeons; to his knowledge, only three people, still alive, including him, knew his full name, while the majority of the Marines knew him as merely the Surgeon of Death, by virtue of his coveted Devil Fruit powers.
And at the current moment, he was entertaining a new respect for the young man named Jeremiah Cross; his ears, sharp after over a decade's worth of surgeries, had flawlessly processed every detail of the mistakenly broadcast operation, and the fact that he had managed to stand strong in the face of a powerful tyrant like that with injuries that severe and live to tell about it was extremely impressive, as was the skill of their crew's doctor. On the other hand, he was well aware of the fact that Cross was likely to have received significant and permanent damage to his limbs. If he knew what was good for him, he would probably be unconscious for the next several hours.
"Don don don don!"
"On the other hand, that would be giving his sanity far too much credit, wouldn't it?" Trafalgar Law mused.
"What was that, Captain?" Penguin asked curiously.
"I said answer the snail," the renowned Surgeon of Death deflected.
"Uh, sir?" Shachi swallowed nervously. "Shouldn't you be concentrating on what you're doing?"
Law scoffed as he spun his scalpel in his fingers. "Please, all I'm doing is replacing a ruined kidney. I could do this with my eyes closed."
The co-first-mate of the Heart Pirates swallowed heavily as he watched the surgical blade twirl above his exposed entrails. "Please don't."
Law gave his subordinate a flat look before shrugging and stabbing the blade into the table next to his head, ignoring the panicked whimper he let out. "Fine, we'll take a break while we listen."
Shachi breathed a sigh of relief before tensing as his captain walked away. "Ah… do you think you could close me up first!?"
"Picky, picky," Law grumbled as he snapped his fingers.
Shachi started to sigh yet again, but paused when he caught sight of the surgical tray covering the open window into his body. He stared at it for a second before letting his head hit the table with a groan. "This is the best I'm going to get, isn't it?"
"I'll finish with you as soon as the SBS is over," Law said dismissively, leaning to recline against his oldest crewmate, a rather fluffy bear mink who was currently sedated due to the ever-present queasiness that flared up whenever his captain performed his art, which did absolutely nothing to impede his effectiveness as a cushion. Law had just settled down as Penguin picked up the receiver.
"—Axe Dials, five Axe Dials, six Axe Dials, seven Axe Dials, Dials! Alright, that'll do. So, considering that Soundbite couldn't possibly be so cruel as to interrupt me after I nearly died—"
"WHAT!? No way, I'm totally that cruel!" Soundbite said, sounding genuinely offended. "START THE SBS!"
"…I'll be honest, viewers, I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting."
"Seriously, Cross, you need to PAY BETTER ATTENTION."
"I know, I know, I'm working on it."
Everyone awake chuckled, save Law, though he couldn't suppress a smirk.
"Anyway, viewers, fair warning at the get-go: a good portion of this broadcast is going to be me playing around with the transceiver, seeing just how many features it has. Why do I not know what it can do? Because the thing didn't come with an instruction manual, and us finding one for it is as likely as the Marines offering Buggy the Clown a position with the Seven Warlords."
"Buggy the Clown?" someone asked.
"I think I've heard of him. Small-time pirate from the East Blue. I think Straw Hat got his bounty after being beaten in the face and a few others along with it," another commented.
"Alright, so let's see what we've got here… Huh, looks like the display's changed. Looks like…?"
"…CONCEITED BASTARD, ain't it?"
"What—? Oh. Ugh, no kidding. Still, I wouldn't mind giving it a shot. One sec, viewers, I'm going to try calling the Transponder Snail number that the transceiver is now showing. And if there is any goodness in this world, it won't connect me to who I think it will…"
There was a brief ruffling sound, followed by the telltale clicking of someone inputting a Transponder Snail number. Moments later…
"Dot dot dot dot! THE HECK!?"
Law cocked an eyebrow in intrigue. "Well, now, that's a surprise…"
"What the—?" Cross started before cutting off, scrambling to do something. A second later, there was a click. "Hello? Hello?" the pirate's voice called out, only it appeared to be layered and echoed, as if…
"Oooh, now that's interesting," the Surgeon of Death chuckled.
"What are you talking about, Captain?" Penguin asked, not yet having grasped the implications.
Cross unwittingly answered the question with a bark of laughter, his voice having returned to normal. "Well, well, well, isn't this a handy little feature!? Viewers, I have just discovered the call-in number for the SBS! All you have to do is call the following number, 432-782-762, during the broadcast, and we can talk live! Again, that number is 432-782-762. Dial it in during the SBS broadcast, and we'll have you on the air. Oh, and if you're concerned about the long arm of the law—no relation to the Long-Arm Tribe—just tap your fingers against the speaker after we pick up, and Soundbite will use his powers to blur your voice so that nobody can recognize you."
"I AM THE GREAT—Dot dot dot dot—EST! Ooh, here's our first caller ALREADY! Hello, you've reached the SBS!"
The snail's expression contorted into a smug grin.
A grin that put all the onlooking Heart Pirates on edge and prompted Law to snap into a sitting position, instinctively strangling his Kikoku's hilt in an ironic death-grip.
"Fuffuffuffuffu," came an all-too-familiar laugh from an all-too-familiar voice. "Well, isn't this luc—KA-LICK!" Without warning, the voice was cut off and replaced by Cross's cheerful, if slightly strained, voice.
"Something I forgot to mention: we do have standards here on the SBS, even if we don't usually show it, and we won't…eh? Alright, we won't willingly permit malicious or… what? Ergh, alright, alright, malicious or too inappropriate content to be aired. Now, most of the time, I'll be willing to give anyone a chance to say their bit and dig their own grave."
Cross's only slightly shaky smile was once more replaced by the vicious grin, which was now several molars wider.
"Well, that was rude, but thank you. Now, then—KA-LICK!"
"A fact to consider, however," Cross resumed speaking, his grin now a bit more vicious. "Is that I am a nice and savvy individual, and that I am quite familiar with the… shall we say, reputations of certain individuals. People known for being so thoroughly toxic that we cannot allow them so much as an inch of momentum, lest they corrupt this broadcast entirely. People who are essentially valid for blacklisting from the word go."
The evil grin was back again, though not only was it painfully wide and twitching slightly, but a few veins were starting to pop between the snail's eyestalks.
"Very funny, rookie. You've shown you've got guts, now cut it out or else—KA-LICK!"
"People like the Warlord Donquixote Doflamingo, who I am absolutely positive nobody on this planet likes, aside from his admittedly admirably loyal crewmates and most… I'll be generous and say 'misguided' followers."
"First, the Marines and the World Government, then a lunatic with the lightning Logia, and now he's calling out Doflamingo and making a fool of him in front of the entire world. It's official: Jeremiah Cross is trying to get himself killed," Shachi stated weakly.
"That or he has bigger balls than brains," Penguin suggested. "This certainly isn't the first time we've heard of it happening without the captain's help."
"Fair point."
"Now then… which button actually is the blacklist function on this thing… Let's try… this one?" There was a mechanical click, and then the smile was back, with almost twice as many veins.
"Brat, you have no idea who you're—KA-LICK!"
"Nope. This one?"
"I am starting to lose my—KA-LICK!"
"Nope. This one?"
"YOU DON'T WANT ME TO—KA-LICK!"
"Nope. This one?"
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
The Heart Pirates shot back from their Transponder Snail in shock when it suddenly loosed a tremendously loud blare at the top of its lungs, which Soundbite had already shown the world to be very, very impressive.
"…WOW, that was loud," Cross finally got out.
"MY EARS! MY NON-EXISTENT EARS ARE RINGING!" Soundbite groaned.
"Alright, foghorn button. Not what I was looking for, but I am definitely remembering it. Now, where was I… oh, yeah! This one?"
Trafalgar D. Water Law was unsure if he had ever grinned so widely in his life.
-o-
Beneath the deck of the Donquixote Pirates' ship, currently sailing through the waters of Paradise, Monet pushed her thickly lensed glasses up onto her forehead as she watched Sugar get up from her chair and walk across the reading room the sisters had been relaxing in. "What are you doing?"
"Changing chairs to sit over here," the pseudo-toddler explained as she strode over to a somewhat oversized armchair and started hopping in an attempt to climb into its seat.
Monet rolled her eyes in equal parts exasperation and fondness. She then stood up, strode over to her sister, and helped her into her new seat. "Honestly, little sister, what would you do without me?"
"Find a smaller chair, get somebody else to lift me in, or just turn a flunky into a toy and use them as a stepstool," Sugar summarized as she dug a grape out of the bowl she was carrying.
Monet chuckled as she returned to her own seat and picked her book back up. "Of course, of course. And to reiterate my question, why did you decide to sit over there?"
Sugar rolled her eyes in turn as she swallowed the fruit. "Because where you're sitting, the room the Young Master is in is forty-five feet that way," she answered, pointing at the wall behind Monet.
The snow-woman glanced over her shoulder at the wall. "And why is that impo—?"
The snail in the room suddenly clicked its tongue. "There it is! Alright, and there goes the worry of having to deal with the puppetmaster's self-aggrandizing squawking. What say we move on, eh?"
"Rrgrrgghh…" Monet's inquiry was cut off in a choked gurgle as she slumped in her seat, eyes rolling up in her head and foam bubbling out of her slack jaws.
"Because the range of the Young Master's Haki when he loses his temper is fifty feet," Sugar explained to her insensate sibling, shaking her head with a sigh that was equal parts exasperated and fond. "Honestly, big sister, what would you do without me?"
"Hhhgghhh…"
-o-
"Alright, with that done—Eh?… hm, alright, sure. Let me just— Alright, loyal viewers, I need to brief a guest we're about to have. Uh… Soundbite, could you please be mature for five minutes while I talk to Wiper, and put on some music for the viewers that won't make them want to tune out the SBS for the rest of time?"
"Ugh… well, when you PUT IT THAT way, fine. JERKWADS AND GERMS, the musical stylings of A BAND CALLED THE DUBLINERS!"
"…who they have never heard of, but yeah, that'll work. Alright, everyone, here's… eh…"
"Soundbite's Music Corner!"
"…eh, alright."
Midway through the waters of the Grand Line, a long-armed pirate who'd only just started to make a name for himself hummed along to the sound of fiddles, banjos, and other such rural instruments that the snail before him was humming out. "Apapapa, it sounds like the little snail's got an ear for a festive beat!" Scratchmen Apoo chuckled happily.
The chuckling evolved to laughter as Soundbite moved on to sharing his lyrics in a thick medley of North Blue voices.
"And it's all for me grog, me jolly, jolly grog/All for me beer and tobacco/Well I spent all me tin with the lassies drinking gin/Far across the western oceans I must wander!"
"APAPAPA! And good taste in lyrics as well!" Apoo twisted his arm around so that he could successfully slap his knee. "I just might have to call in and ask about these 'Dubliners'! I can't believe I've never heard of them! APAPAPA—Eh?"
Apoo paused in his laughing and looked upward as he scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Saaaay… now, there's a thought… and he'd probably go for it, too…" He began pondering how he could go about it, and shortly thereafter began moving through the ship to gather his Transponder Snails together. He was just finishing as the music ended, and Cross's voice came across the transponders anew.
"OK, viewers, hope you enjoyed Soundbite's Music Corner; if we get enough positive reception, we'll see about making it a regular thing. Now, moving on to a considerably more serious topic. Earlier today, I confirmed the truth about the Montblanc family to the world… but now it's time for you to learn the true story of Montblanc Noland and how he came to the legendary City of Gold. You see, up here in the sky, a different tale has been told from generation to generation… and now, I cede the microphone to the one with the most right to tell you that story."
Shuffling ensued as the microphone was handed over, followed shortly by a masculine voice.
"People of the world, my name is Wiper. I am a descendant of the great warrior Calgara, the last guardian of the City of Shandora before the city was sent to the sky…"
-o-
"… and so, after 400 years, our war has come to an end, and my ancestor's final wish has been fulfilled. And to Noland's descendant… I hope that you hear this and know of the true heroism of your ancestor."
Cricket and the Saruyama Alliance had been motionless, listening with rapt attention to every word that Wiper said until that moment. And then, he reached forward and grabbed the snail's mic. It didn't need any prompting to dial.
"You've reached the SBS!"
"This is Montblanc Cricket speaking. I heard every word and every ring, Wiper."
Silence fell on the other end, broken by the sound of a choked-off sob. But Wiper's voice was firm as he replied.
"… I'm glad."
"Wiper, and all of you Straw Hats… I owe you one."
He said nothing more as he started to lay the receiver down.
"Montblanc Cricket."
The freediver froze, the mic an inch from its cradle.
Tears flowed from the snail's eyes as it grinned widely. "Let us meet one day on the land of our ancestors, as they promised. Agreed?"
Cricket stared at the snail silently for a second before sniffing as he used his forearm to wipe away the tears he hadn't even been trying to hold back, an equally euphoric grin on his face. "Just wait for me. I'll be there before you know it."
And with that, Cricket replaced the receiver.
For a moment, all was still on the coast of Jaya.
Then…
"Boys… how about we go and find us a Knock-Up Stream?"
"HELL YEAH!" the primate-like siblings and their underlings whooped, pumping their fists in the air.
-o-
I waited until Cricket had hung up before smiling. "Well, it's been a fruitful broadcast, everyone: establishing a call-in feature and informing the world of the truth of a tragic tale from long ago, now brought to a happy close. But, I'm afraid that as the victory party is about to start, we'll have to end this off now. So, until tomorrow, viewers, this is Jeremiah Cross—"
"And SOUNDBITE!"
"—Of the SBS, signing off."
I placed the mic on its cradle and stretched out, wincing at the pain but noting, with no small measure of relief, that it had diminished somewhat since the start of the broadcast. I slowly got to my feet and walked towards the sounds of growing activity, and I was nearing the source…
"Puru puru puru puru!"
When Soundbite began ringing. Processing the situation, I remembered what I had talked about the previous night. "Well, here's hoping that this is a turn for the better. Could you call Zoro and Nami over here? Oh, and Vivi, too."
The three of them, with varying degrees of irritation on their faces, made their way away from the party, through the woods and over to me, though their irritation faltered as Soundbite let out another "Puru puru puru puru!"
"MI3?" Vivi asked.
"Unless that number works outside of SBS broadcasts, too, in which case I have a feeling I'm really going to regret handing it out," I replied acridly, picking up the mic. "Hello?"
"Apapapapapa! Hello, Mister Cross?"
My eyes widened; I immediately recognized who was on the other end of the line, and it was not someone I expected to hear from for at least another three months. "Yeees, and you're—"
"Apoo. 'Roar of the Sea' Scratchmen Apoo, ฿75 million bounty, captain of the Grand Line native On Air Pirates! I'm glad to see the number you gave out works even when the SBS is out!"
"…shit," I summarized flatly.
"Apapapa!" Apoo cackled suddenly. "Got you, didn't I? Yeah, I bet that would be a nightmare and a half! Don't worry, I'm calling you on Soundbite's personal number, which I'll keep quiet."
"HOW DID YOU get that? Only ONE PERSON outside the crew KNOWS IT, and DITZY though she is, she's not THAT BAD!" Soundbite said incredulously.
"Actually, you're wrong! There's one other person who knows your number!"
"Who!?" Nami demanded.
"Apapa! Why, the man who gave it to him!"
I made the connection in seconds. "Samson!?" Soundbite and I chorused incredulously.
"Yup! That's him! Nice guy! It was easy, really. All I had to do was call a few people in East Blue and confirm that you joined the Straw Hats shortly before they reached Loguetown, and they also told me that when you showed up, Soundbite didn't have a rig yet! From there, I had my snails from that region—and believe me, I have a few—contact Snail shops in the town, and I asked around for anyone who provided Ichabod-Portentia 6S model transponder rigs!"
"HOW DO YOU know my MEASUREMENTS!?" Soundbite yelped.
He then tilted his head in the approximation of a shrug. "You've got a slight hissy-click-click every few seconds in your broadcast, a harmless defect of the model. Anyway, once I found the guy, I asked about your number. He was able to tell I was an honest fan and gave it to me, along with a message!"
"Message?" I repeated, somewhat weakly.
"Yeah. His business has boomed since your SBS started; his Transponder Snail Shack is going to become a Transponder Snail Palace before long! He wants to thank you for the windfall and for giving a nice kick in the pants to the World Government, and said that he's at your service for anything he can provide."
"…Huh. Seems like we've made a resourceful ally. But before considering that, would you care to explain why you're calling me?"
"Easy," Vivi said, crossing her arms with a huff. "I've only heard him speak for a few minutes, but I can tell: he's a member of the Long-Arm Tribe. There are only two possible reasons one of them would ever put this much effort into anything: for making money, or for causing trouble in some way, shape or form, and a lot of it, at that."
"Apapapapa! That statement is harsh, stereotypical, and downright racist, Your Highness!" Apo's grin widened proudly, which Soundbite easily accommodated. "It also happens to be completely true, both in this instance and in general. Anyway, that last broadcast of yours gave me an idea. I have a… proposition for you that, knowing you, I'm pretty sure you'll like…"
I exchanged glances with my friends before crossing my arms and adopting a controlled expression. "I'm listening…"
-o-
"PFFHAHAHAHA!" I cackled, slapping my hands on my knees eagerly, ignoring the pain that resulted from the action. "Oh, man, this is going to be down-and-out epic! I can't wait, this'll just be soooo fun!"
"Well, it's trouble, alright, but not any more than we're used to," Vivi said, unable to fight a smirk.
"THANKS A BUNCH, Scratchmen!" Soundbite chortled.
"Oh, please, call me Apoo. I look forward to your next broadcast, Cross!"
"So do I, Apoo, so do I. Don't get killed in the meantime!"
"APAPAPAPAPA! YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" the long-armed pirate cackled. A moment later, the line disconnected.
"So, Cross… you know anything about this guy?" Zoro asked.
"Yeah, but not a lot," I shrugged as I scratched my chin thoughtfully. "The story didn't tell much about him before I came here. Besides what we already established in that call, all I know is that he has a Devil Fruit that lets him turn his body parts into instruments and create lethal sound waves from them. Probably something onomatopoeia-related, but really, no guarantees. I only got a brief glance over his and most of the powers of the rest of the pirates of his calibre."
"And what calibre is that, Cross?" Nami asked.
I shot a cheeky grin at her. "Now, now, Nami, you know better. That answer is fraught with spoilers!… Buuut, I can at least say with confidence that Luffy and Zoro are in that particular power bracket."
Nami and Vivi's eyes shot wide in shock, while Zoro settled for grinning in malevolent eagerness.
"So…" Vivi started slowly. "You're basically saying that we just got an incredibly powerful ally, didn't we?"
"Pretty much, yeah." I bit my thumb in thought. "And maybe even two others of the same calibre, but that's not going to be for a good long while, of that I'm certain. Still, if we play this right, it's going to pay off big time in the long run."
Nami spread her hands with an exasperated sigh. "You and your long cons and high-stakes gambles. One day, you are going to go over the edge in a simply spectacular manner, I swear… Well!" Nami grinned fiercely as she slammed her fist into her palm. "If that's everything, I'm going to head back to the party. That snake has a stupidly high tolerance, but I'm pretty sure I'm making progress!"
"Yeah, yeah, sure, go ahead, we're done here," I waved her off.
"Puru puru puru puru!"
"Or not," I continued smoothly.
"I'm warning you, if it's that Apoo guy again, I'm going to dislocate his joints when we meet him in person," Nami warned me.
"Ah… wait, hang on a second, I noticed something when I was toying with the Transceiver earlier…" I drew the metal box out of my bag.
"TOUCH THAT foghorn AND DIE."
"Yeah, yeah, hang on…" I glided my fingers over the available buttons before pressing what I hoped was the right one. The display promptly displayed a series of digits, and I grinned at how familiar they were. "Jackpot!" I took the mic out of its cradle before adopting a grave expression. "Saint Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Do you have an appointment?"
"Um, pardon? My apologies, I seem to have the wrong number," came a wheezy voice, the sound of which prompted me to pump my fist victoriously.
"You don't, that's just a thing he does," Smoker said tiredly. "Here I was going to say that I'd have to be more careful about asking you to make a meaningful broadcast, Cross, but I can only assume you're doing alright despite all of that lightning if you're cracking jokes."
"For a certain measure of 'alright,' anyway," I swear my wounds were sentient, if the way they flared up at that moment was anything to go by. "I'm a bit deep-fried, but… well, I'll live, even if I'm going to be bandaged up and jumping at storms for a while. So, I take it that the recruitment went well?"
"Yes, and all thanks to you, Cross," Tashigi said, smiling. "It's because of how you stuck to your beliefs against that lightning bastard that our new name is MI4, and we've got a few hundred more soldiers for our cause!"
Silence greeted that statement, during which Zoro, Soundbite, and I all turned with identical smug grins towards a flat-footed Nami, who promptly began stammering. "She… but… you… I… oh, for the love of…" She sighed angrily. "Alright, fine. FINE! STANDING UP TO ENEL WAS COMPLETELY BADASS, NOT STUPID! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"
"Very," Soundbite and I said smugly before I turned back to the mic. "Thank you, Tashigi, you just helped me prove Nami wrong about something important."
"Uh… you're welcome?" she said uncertainly before Soundbite's expression shifted back to Smoker's grimace.
"She's not the only one you've proved wrong, Cross. Would you mind repeating your accusation from last night for Captain T-Bone?"
"Last night? You called LAST NIGHT?" Soundbite asked.
"You somehow slept through it, Soundbite," I said with a shrug. "They just told me that they were going after their first recruit for another leader—T-Bone—and I gave them some recommendations for Vice-Admirals to try after that. Hina, meanwhile, presented one that I had to turn down: Vice Admiral Vergo. From the day he joined the Marines, he's been a deep-cover plant for Donquixote Doflamingo of the Seven Warlords."
Silence greeted this declaration before the wheezy voice spoke again, filled with hate. "That wretched bastard… I thought that he was merely a fanatic! But he's truly a pirate? And under the service of that man, of all people…"
"Um…?"
"Let's just say that Vergo played a key part in a disaster in Captain T-Bone's past," Smoker said. "Hina was devastated when she got proof that you were telling the truth; it's the only reason she's not on this call."
"Mister Cross, you have shown a great deal of knowledge of things that you should not know. I have sworn to take Vergo's head myself, and your revelation has only reinforced my determination. What can you tell me about him that would be beneficial for me to know?"
I processed this new development and immediately saw a problem in the form of the last survivor of Flevance. True, his main grudge was against Doflamingo, but did that mean I was going to run the risk of an ally drawing his ire for stealing the life of someone else that he wanted to kill? Not remotely. I frowned in thought as I considered that particular arc, and then the answer came to me. An answer that would prove to be very helpful for us in the long run. Wow, today was turning out beautifully.
"Alright, listen carefully: you're not the only one after Vergo's head," I said carefully. "And the other person who wants it? Not only are they stronger than you, but I can say with absolute confidence that their grievance is a lot worse than yours. That person is also a potential ally, so when crunch time comes, we'll have to defer to him on this matter, though I think he'll be amenable to sharing in this case. Still, the situation is very delicate, so I'm going to tell you what I think is the best course of action for you to follow, alright?"
There was a tense silence for a few moments before T-Bone spoke. "I'm listening," he rasped.
"Alright, you're going to want to write this down, because it's not going to make sense anytime soon. Should the worst come to pass and the worst-case candidate for Sengoku's successor is appointed… go to the changed battleground and create a base in the fire. Stay hidden, and wait for us; when we come to you, you'll have your revenge."
"And if Sakazuki is not appointed?"
"…yeah, that was the obvious conclusion to draw, wasn't it?" I chuckled sheepishly. "Alright, fine, I'll stow the cryptic bullshit for a bit. That's just a timekeeping measure anyway. All you need to do is go to the battlefield where he and Aokiji fight and hide in the side that's always engulfed in flames. Believe me, no one will ever look for you there, it's the perfect hiding spot! Provided you deal with the guard dog there, but still."
"…Commodore Smoker, I was under the impression that he was impossibly well-informed, not clairvoyant," T-Bone said dryly.
"So were we, but that explains a lot," Tashigi's voice said.
"Hey, do you think I would have willingly gotten fried if I'd seen this shit coming!?" I demanded.
"Weell…" Vivi trailed off uncomfortably.
"You did keep talking like an idiot," Nami reasoned.
"OH, COME ON!" I cried out.
"As amusing as this is, Cross, are you clairvoyant?" Smoker asked seriously.
"…" I was silent for a few seconds before grinning widely. "It involves a serialized manga, a random omnipotent deity—!"
"Okay, I've heard enough. Good night, Cross!" Tashigi cut in.
"Just a moment—KA-LICK!" T-Bone attempted to speak up, only for the connection to drop like a hot potato.
"Quick thinking, Cross," Vivi whistled.
"Thank you very much," I said smugly. "A wise man once said that the truth is often hardest to believe, and quite frankly, I'd say that everything we've experienced since coming to the Grand Line vindicates that statement perfectly, wouldn't you?"
"UNDERSTATEMENT of the TIMES!" Soundbite concurred.
"If you're done," Nami drawled, leering at me and tapping her foot. "While I can't deny that those two calls were both productive, can I get back to getting my gold now?!"
I gave her a decidedly flat look. "Your ancient, snake-bile-covered, literally ripped-from-the-hands-of-dead-men gold."
"YES!"
I rolled my eyes and did a quick mental check to be sure I wouldn't have to call her back for anything else. But as I did so, another idea came to mind.
"Actually, before you get back to that, go talk to Pagaya, see if he can slim your Waver down so it's portable before we set off tomorrow."
Nami's impatient glare turned into a quizzical look. "Portable? Why?"
I shrugged. "From what I saw, you pretty much never used it again after we left Skypiea; I was thinking that if you could carry it around with you, you'd get a lot more use out of it."
Nami looked thoughtful at that. "Huh, when you put it that way… well, I did like riding it… Alright, I'll ask Pagaya what he can do." Her gaze sharpened intently. "Anything else?" she demanded with a visible overtone of menace.
"No, that's it for now."
"Perfect!" And with that, the navigator dashed back to the party, snatching up a stray mug of something no doubt liver-failure-inducing en route to Nola.
"Well," Vivi groaned slightly as she stretched her arms out. "I need to get back, too." She frowned contemplatively. "I was planning on talking to Conis when you called me over. I'm a bit worried, it looked like she was talking to her dad about something serious…"
I shrugged helplessly. "No help here. Her role in events has been way different from what I remember."
The princess sighed despondently. "Oh, well. I'll see what I can do on my own."
She too walked away, and I looked at Zoro. "…Don't expect me to say this again anytime soon, but thanks for all of that training, Zoro; I wouldn't have been able to stand up to Enel as much as I did without it."
Zoro cracked a grin. "Glad you finally came around, Cross." His grin faded. "But there's not much chance of me keeping it up anymore with your arms and legs wrecked."
"Psh, what, these?" I held my arms up dismissively. "Please. Your chest is a worse trainwreck than these things. I'll be back and better than ever so long as you keep putting the screws to me like there's no tomorrow!" I kept my grin up for a second or two before gaping in abject horror as I processed my last sentence. "What the fuck just came out of my mouth?"
"YOU HEARD HIM, NO TAKE-BACKSIES!" Soundbite stated eagerly.
Zoro glanced at Soundbite for a bare moment before grinning like a fucking demon. "Whatever you say, 'Cross'! Well, see you later!" And with that, he started to return to the party…
"Did I hear someone trying to circumvent DOCTOR'S ORDERS?!"
Before he broke into a full-blown sprint as he was chased by a psychotic reindeer… and me, to boot!
"YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW, SIX-SWORD STYLE! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I DIDN'T SAY THAT! YOU KNOW IT!"
Bottomless booze, over-the-top antics, former enemies coming together, and at least one crewmate trying to rip another limb from limb.
Just another typical victory celebration for the Straw Hat Pirates.
-o-
"Hey, I found a necklace over here! Ah, gross, but it's around a dead guy's neck!"
"Well, what are you waiting for?! Rip it off!"
"What!? Nami, that is beyond disrespectful, and—!"
"I SAID RIP IT OFF, LEO!"
"Y-yes, ma'am!" CL-CLUNK! "AGH! I-IT'S GOT ME! IT'S ALIVE! THE SKELETON IS ALIVE!"
"Look alive, Leo, look alive! You must be strong! For after all, to delve into the belly of a great beast, and to fight the living dead… do these two dreams combined not qualify… as a great Man's Romance?"
"GO, BOSS, GO!"
"STOP CHEERING HIM ON AND GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!
"LESS WHINING, MORE GOLD-GETTING!"
"Hell hath no fury like a GREEDY Nami," Soundbite declared sagely.
"Indeed, Soundbite, indeed," I nodded solemnly. "The only option is to work as hard as possible, so as to avoid incurring her wrath."
"YOU'WE NOT WORKING AT AWW, JACKASH!"
"I have a perfectly valid excuse not to be spelunking with you guys in the form of my limbs and Chopper's subsequent orders. And besides, in case you haven't noticed, I am working." I raised a thumbs-up at Nola's slack-jawed and dead-to-the-world form. "I'm giving you all moral support. Go team, woo."
"…You'we fweaking lucky that I can't awgue with the fiwst pawt, Cwoss," Carue growled.
"Damn straight. Now, then…" I thumbed through my book. "Where was I…"
"Wassafwassin—what the—? WAAAAAAAAGH!"
"GIANT SPIDERS! GIANT SPIDERS!"
"DOES EVERYTHING GROW BIG UP HERE, DAMN IT!?"
"Ah, now I remember!" I grinned victoriously as I tapped the appropriate line. "Gulliver waking up in Lilliput. Thanks, guys!"
"SCREW YOU, CROSS!"
I snickered as I settled in on the crew's luggage and got back to reading my book. After the party had wound down and we'd all gotten a good night's rest, Nami and Luffy had woken us all up in order to mine Nola's guts for gold. Thankfully, I had a very final doctor's note on my side, so I didn't need to get closer to the insides of an animal than I'd ever wanted to be… again. Laboon was an exception… and it didn't necessarily feel like an earthquake when he moved.
I was just starting to get into the page when I was interrupted.
"Cross, we need TO TALK."
I looked up from my book at the snail on my shoulder, ready to give him the stinkeye, until I caught sight of the determined expression he wore. "What is it, Soundbite?" I asked, putting my book down.
Soundbite ground his teeth for a second as he appeared to work up the courage to say whatever it was he wanted to say. Finally, he heaved a heavy sigh and bowed his head. "…I WANT to know EVERYTHING you can tell me ABOUT DEVIL FRUITS." He looked up, a fire blazing in his eyes the likes of which I hadn't seen in anyone other than the most dedicated members of the crew. "TELL ME ANYTHING that can help me get stronger."
I blinked at the snail in confusion, and he apparently picked up on my bemusement of if the way he snarled viciously was anything to go by.
""DAMMIT, CROSS, we're SUPPOSED TO BE PARTNERS!" he snapped. "YOU DO what I can't, and I DO WHAT YOU CAN'T! But I couldn't do anything to stop ENEL from zapping YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE, AND THAT'S NOT RIGHT! And you say there's worse COMING down the way!? HELL NO! I NEED TO GET STRONGER, ASAP! And by 'possible', I MEAN RIGHT NOW, DAMN IT!"
I stared at Soundbite in flat-footed shock. "Wh… What brought this on? You didn't feel like this back when I had cholera, or after the rebellion—"
"THOSE WERE OUT OF MY CONTROL! I can't fight bacteria WITH JUST SOUND, AND I WAS DOING everything that I could to get rid of that FLOUR! BUT THIS TIME IT WAS SOMEONE DEFEATABLE! You literally got scarred for life on HALF OF YOUR BODY because I couldn't stop it."
The snail glared at me, his teeth grit and his expression more serious and determined than anything I'd ever seen on him up to that point. "NEVER AGAIN. And before you say diddly, I GOT Luffy's PERMISSION to hear any spoilers necessary as long as I don't tell anyone else. AND FOR ONCE, I'M WILLING TO KEEP MY TRAP SHUT! So, I'll ask again… Do you know anything that can help me?"
For a minute, I just stared at the snail, taken aback by just how personally he'd taken this. And worse yet, for the life of me, I didn't know what to tell him. I mean, he was using an entirely original Devil Fruit, and a Paramecia at that! That he'd gotten so strong was phenomenal, but the only other way I knew of for that kind of Devil Fruit to get stronger was time and ingenuity. After all, it's not like the Warlords became all-powerful in a ni—waiiiit a minute…
Alright, so maybe I had something. It was only an inkling, a shadow of a thought more than anything, but Soundbite caught sight of it, and as per usual, he didn't let go. "I SAW THAT! WHAT, what did you think of?"
I bit my lip uncomfortably before slowly shaking my head. "I… think I might know of one thing, Soundbite, but… well, it was only ever barely touched on in the story, and Oda never really gave any real details—"
"WE'RE IN THE fucking story! TELL ME! I'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT!" the snail barked.
"Alright, alright!" I said, snapping my hands up in surrender. "I'm already in pieces as it is; ripping my head off won't help matters. Anyway…" I ran my fingers through my hair. "It's… one of the last things I saw from the manga was a concept called 'Awakened Devil Fruits.' The only Paramecia version the story showed was at the very end of the part I read: Doflamingo's String-String Fruit. Like most Paramecia, it sounds weak, but it's quite formidable: the standard powers let him create strings that were tough enough to cut someone's arms or legs off. He could also use it to control others like marionettes, and even create a full-body clone out of string. The Awakened ability, however…"
I bit my thumb thoughtfully. "It was only shown for a few pages, but… it was something else entirely. He… said that it allowed him to affect his surroundings, I think. Somehow, he turned the rubble and buildings around him into strings, and then he controlled them with just as much finesse as his own strings, if not more so."
Soundbite's eyes widened in shock. "Whoa…" He narrowed his eyes as he pegged onto something. "YOU SAID 'Paramecia version'?"
I shrugged slightly. "Yeah, that's something that complicates matters even further. See, the story showed a few Awakened Zoans long before Doflamingo showed what he could do, but they were totally different from him. They're known as the Jailer Beasts of Impel Down. Like Chopper, they're animal-person hybrids…" I frowned in thought. "But they're also a million times tougher than any other Zoan shown in the series. One of them managed to take a headfirst beating from Luffy and barely even flinched. But the weirdest thing was that they seemed a lot more…" I waved my hand helplessly. "Well, animal than human; they didn't talk, they seemed pretty stupid… unless I miss my guess, I think their minds might have been consumed by their own Devil Fruits."
Soundbite swallowed nervously. "Seriously?"
"Maybe?" I spread my hands helplessly. "And honestly, I don't think they're the only Awakened Zoans I've seen either. Remember how I told Luffy that Chopper had eight forms instead of seven?"
"And you said NUMBER 8 was a total monster. WHY DO I NOT LIKE WHERE THIS IS HEADED?"
"Exactly. Unless I miss my guess, Chopper somehow managed to stumble onto a nascent version of his Awakened form, where his powers take over for his higher thought processes. Unlike the Jailer Beasts, it's apparently temporary, and he doesn't even have enough mind left to follow orders when he does it."
Soundbite nodded, though he was frowning heavily. "That's interesting, but I think that we're getting off-topic. HOW DOES ANY OF THAT APPLY TO ME?"
"I… ugh, look, Soundbite, I don't know, okay?" I sighed despondently. "I only ever saw one usage of Awakening applied to one Paramecia Devil Fruit, and that was only for a few moments! I don't know how to manifest it, or even how it would apply to you! Would it be useful? Most likely! But you wanted whatever I could offer you, and I'm afraid that that's all I've got; I'm not a Devil Fruit user. I'd recommend talking to Luffy and Robin… and maybe Lassoo, Chopper, and Pierre if you want any more advice. In the end, well…" I held my bandaged hand up for him to see. "I think I've sufficiently proven that I don't know everything, right?"
Soundbite chewed on his lip for a second before nodding. "I… I need time to THINK." And with that, he retreated into his shell.
I watched him in concern for a moment before shrugging off the new development, ultimately turning my attention back to Gulliver's Travels…
"Um, Cross?"
Or at least I tried to turn my attention back, anyway.
I snapped the novel shut with an annoyed growl. "The world is never going to let me take reading up again, is it?" I demanded acridly.
Conis flinched self-consciously. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you—!"
"No, no, it's fine, it's fine!" I hastily waved a hand in a placating gesture, pinching the bridge of my nose as I did so. "Sorry, sorry, it's just… I used to read a lot. I enjoy the adventuring, but it's hard to be blocked so many times, you know?"
"Eh…" Conis waved her hand side-to-side. "Maybe? I can only imagine how I'd react if I couldn't play my harp anymore. I really can wait, if you want me to."
I sighed and put my book to the side. "Nah, go ahead and ask, I can get back to this when we're done."
Conis hesitated a moment longer before nodding. "I… I wanted to ask you more about the Blue Seas."
I goggled at her in surprise. "Eh? Seriously? What brought this on?"
Conis shrugged and rubbed her arm uncomfortably. "It was… your speech to Go—" She flinched before scowling darkly. "I mean, to Enel, talking about how this island is just a small part of the world, and he was nothing special and, well… I've been thinking about it a lot."
I sat up, giving her my full attention. "Seriously?"
The angel beamed eagerly. "Of course! You said that compared to the Blue Seas, the White Seas are a puddle and that there are so many fantastically strong people out there. I have to know, is it really as glorious as you described it to be?"
It took me a second to process this turn of events, but once I did…
I plastered a massive grin on my face. "Oh, you have absolutely no idea! The Grand Line, it's…" I chuckled eagerly as I ordered my thoughts. "It's just absolutely fantastic. There are a million and one possibilities in this world, and down there, it's—it's like they all happen at once!"
"Wow…" Conis gasped eagerly. "What kind of possibilities?"
I gazed into the distance wistfully. "Geeze, where to even start? Every day is brand-spanking-new, bringing completely unique challenges, opportunities, and experiences. Like, the very first day we got into the Grand Line, there was a storm—ah…" I hesitated as a thought occurred to me. "Do you guys actually get storms all the way up here?"
Conis crossed her arms and gave me a flat look. "Cross, we Skypieans might not know a lot of the Blue Seas, but even we know just how mad the Grand Line's storms can be."
"Right, right, sorry." I scratched my head sheepishly. "Anyways, on our first day, we experienced a stupidly massive storm that wouldn't be out of place in the Old Testament, waves more insane than the maddest of Milky Roads, a heatwave so hot it set our sails on fire, hail the size of golfballs, giant manta rays that literally flew, currents that spun us around before we even noticed…"
"Wow…" The angel clasped her hands in awe. "And all that happened in a day?"
"HA!" I barked enthusiastically. "A day? That all happened in two hours, absolute maximum! And sure, that was easily the wildest part of the ocean we've had to deal with so far, but it's not like the rest of our days have been any saner!"
"Two hours?" Conis breathed in amazement. "That's… I barely even know what to say!"
"And that's just the ocean! Lemme tell you about the islands! Weeeeell, we've been to Whiskey Peak, Little Garden, Drum Isl—GAH!" I hastily dope-slapped Soundbite's shell, breaking off the jaunty guitar music that had started picking up. "No musical numbers, damn it!"
"Fine, fine, back to INTROSPECTION… spoilsport."
I grunted and rolled my eyes before being brought back to the present by Conis's starstruck look. "Just the names of those islands sound incredible! What were they like?"
I was a bit taken aback by her enthusiasm at first, but after considering my own experiences with the exhilaration of the Grand Line… "Alright," I tented my fingers eagerly. "Let's start with Whiskey Peak…"
I all but forgot about reading as I spent the next hour or so retelling our adventures to Conis with all the zeal of a devoted One Piece fan, with Soundbite adding in a few voice clips here and there to enhance the experience. And Conis took in every word with all the wide-eyed wonder of a new fan that had just discovered how incredible Goda's world was.
All too soon, though, I found myself winding down.
"And then, he just shredded it." I slapped my hand in my palm firmly. "I mean, he just stood up and blew Octavio's performance straight out of the water. I have no idea how he could have possibly done it, but somehow he just plain did. It was just about the most stunning thing I'd ever seen!"
"Luffy surfing…" Conis breathed in wonder. "I can't even begin to imagine what such a thing would look like!"
"Heh, yeah, tell me about—"
THWUMP!
"YEOW!"
The conversation then came to an abrupt end as a very big, very lumpy, and very hard bag was tossed onto me.
"Enjoying yourself?" Zoro asked blandly
"Sonnuva—OW!" I yelped as I shoved the bag of gold off, sending a dark glare at the swordsman. "Watch it, bastard! I'm still milking the injury card here!"
Zoro grinned in a thoroughly shark-like manner. "Well, if you're really in pain, I'm sure that Chopper can fix that all up with a quick shot. Want me to go and get him?"
I felt the blood drain from my face. "So many colours and none of them would listen…" I hissed fearfully.
"CALLBACK!" Soundbite giggled.
"Alright, alright, I'll claim it!" I swore hastily.
"Good." The swordsman jerked his thumb over his shoulder, indicating where the rest of the crew was making their way out of Nola's maw. "Then get up and help us carry the gold to the Merry."
I got up with a sigh and started to comply, before pausing as I considered things. "Waaait, why does this all seem familiar…"
"Hey, I can see Robin!" Usopp called out.
"Oh, now I remember," I deadpanned. "Hey, Zoro? Pay attention, because I'm about to give you the best chance you'll ever have to get rid of your debt to Nami."
"What the heck are you—?" Zoro started to ask.
"AAAAH! THEY'VE GOT A HUGE CANNON!"
Vivi took one look at the massive parcel the Skypieans were carrying and our swiftly panicking crewmates before slapping a hand to her face with a groan. "Oh, Horus…"
"What the—?" Zoro glanced at her in confusion before shaking his head and apparently dismissing it until later. "Cross, grab the bag and let's—Cross?" Zoro asked, seeing that I had not moved from where I was and was giving him a look flatter than the average Self-Insert's personality.
It took Zoro all of three seconds to piece things together. Once he did, he sat down with a sigh and popped the top off the sake jar he was holding. "How long do you think it's going to take them to figure it out?"
"I give them ten feet before they notice we're not running with them," I announced blandly. "By the by, does anyone have something to eat? I'm feeling a bit peckish."
"Here," Vivi tossed me some jerky as she sat down, which I eagerly tore into. "And five's much more likely. You're forgetting what you're sitting on."
"Uh…" Conis looked between the three of us in confusion. "What are you—?"
"CROSS!"
I bit back my go-to excuse of being injured as Nami grabbed my collar. The deranged look in her eyes more than told me that she did not care. It would appear that I needed to use a bit more force for this…
"PICK UP MY GOLD AND START RUNNING ALREADY!" the demented navigator snarled.
"Never underestimate the bond between a Nami and her wealth," Zoro deadpanned.
"YOU TOO, OR I SWEAR I'LL—"
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
"AGH!" Nami grabbed her ears in agony… and so did Conis, Zoro, and Vivi… and the rest of the crew, to boot. Foghorns are, after all, loud.
"JACKASS!" Soundbite yowled.
"Heheh," I snickered as I slid my earphones off. "I am loving this thing."
"Cross…" Nami started to grit out viciously, but I held up a hand, re-donning my flat look from before.
"Nami, let's consider a few facts here, shall we? We ended a 400-year war. We freed them from six years of tyranny. And we threw them the best party they've ever had. So, what makes you think that they have any reason to want to attack us instead of rewarding us?"
"BECAUSE WE'RE STEALING THEIR GOLD!" Nami screamed.
"Nami?" Vivi held up a finger. "A few things. A: Gold isn't worth much up here in the sky. Actually, it's worth nothing, period. B: We got that gold from inside of a giant snake's stomach, where in all likelihood it never would have seen the light of day again anyway. And C: How the hell would they know that we were taking the gold?"
Nami's expression fell flat as she pointed to the side.
"HEY, ROBIN, CHECK OUT ALL THE GOLD WE FOUND!" Luffy cheered loudly.
"Withdrawn," Vivi conceded calmly. "But my first two points still count."
"Let me just point this out," Zoro added. "You're actually prepared to believe that they had a weapon like that stored away here, and nobody ever decided to use it? Seriously, I wouldn't expect anyone on our crew but Luffy to be that stupid."
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME STUPID?!" Nami roared.
"If he didn't, he should, Nami; you're so focused on the chump change you got from Nolan that you're overlooking the fact that I'm fulfilling the promise I made you," I said calmly, examining the bandages on my hands in lieu of my fingernails.
"WHAT PROMISE, CROSS?" Nami shrieked, just about ready to explode.
"The one I made the night Chopper joined."
Nami frowned for a minute longer before her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak… and then her jaw continued dropping as the gears turned in her head. She slowly turned to stare at the approaching, cloth-covered mass, putting the pieces together.
"Wait…" Nami breathed as she eyed the stupidly huge parcel the Skypieans and Shandorans were carrying. "Then you mean…"
"Uh-huh."
Nami's eyes started to unfocus, staring off into the distance. "Then they're giving us…"
"Uh-huh."
A line of drool slowly started to trail out of the corner of her mouth. "And that's all pure…"
"Through and through, as far as I know," I nodded in confirmation before pausing contemplatively. "Honestly? I think there's a ten-to-one chance that we'll tank the economy of whatever island we land on next if we're not careful, so—MMPH!?" I was cut off by Nami grabbing my head and…
Honestly, I'm not sure what happened for the next two minutes and thirteen seconds. The next thing I knew, she'd dropped me and sprinted towards the Sky-dwellers, leaving me to try and get my brain back in order. The first thing I noticed was that Sanji was… not taking whatever the hell had happened well. But I only noticed that for about two seconds before he looked about ready to pass out from joy for some reason or other.
"Dude, did I see you get some tongue?" Mikey whispered in awe.
Raphey shook her head slowly. "I don't know about this loser, but Robin's certainly getting some action!"
I turned my head to look at what the rest of the crew was gaping at, and my jaw dropped, too.
"Ooooh myyyy…" Soundbite drawled in a deep Asian voice.
"Right there with you, Soundbite," Vivi said weakly.
"Damn straight…" I finally managed to get out.
Well, at least I was now positive that Nami didn't have any actual romantic inclinations towards me. After all, I don't know what she did with me, but I sure as hell know that she didn't go so far as dipping me.
"This is incredible," Sanji said breathily. Then he sped over to me and started to dig through my bag. "I MUST IMMORTALIZE THIS—!"
SLAM!
"Angels… I'm surrounded by angels…" Sanji whispered.
Conis winced sympathetically as she eyed the goose-egg growing on the cook's skull, nervously fiddling with the hammer she'd grabbed from Usopp's toolbelt. "Oooh… I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I just—!"
"No, no, it's fine," Vivi waved her off casually. Her gaze then turned vicious. "And if anyone else tries using a Vision Dial—"
"You're going to want to take a look at the Skypieans," Donny said dryly.
The princess gaped in shock as she took in the number of lights flashing in the crowd. "What the—does she have any idea what she's even doing!?"
"Vivi, two wowds: Copy. Wight," Carue stated neutrally.
Vivi processed that and sighed in long-suffering exasperation, burying her face in her hands. "…that woman is obsessed."
"You're only just figuring that out?!" demanded many of the crew, even Luffy.
"…Um… w-wow, that's, ah… i-if you'll excuse me…" Conis stammered out before turning around and running away as fast as her legs could move her…
THUNK!
"Ah, sorry, Cross!"
Though not before hitting me head-on in her haste.
"Watch it!" I groused as I rubbed the side of my body she'd hit. It was the side with my bag, to boot, so I really felt it. Nevertheless, I watched her curiously as she ran off. "Wonder where she's off to in such a hurry…"
"Probably just trying to get as far away from our crew's craziness as possible," Boss said dryly before eyeing the pillar. "Anyway, while said insanity is distracting as all get out… does this mean that that thing is gold?"
Nami inadvertently answered the question when she dropped Robin and singlehandedly ripped the cloth wrapping from the pillar and—
It took me a second to properly come to my senses, and when I did, I blinked up at the sky in confusion.
Why the heck was I lying on the—?
"—EEEEEEEEE!"
Oh, of course, that's why fucking hell, my ears!
"Ooooowww…" Luffy moaned piteously.
"Just throw me in the sea, no fate is crueller than this!" Lassoo whined as he clamped his paws over his ears.
"I think I HAVE a new attack…" Soundbite bemoaned as his eyes spun about dizzily. "ALSO TINNITIS… and maybe a little INFERIORITY COMPLEX."
"Well, it's not like it'll come to anything," I ground out. "The only thing I can think of that would make Nami scream that loud again is—"
"Cross," Luffy warned.
"Is when we find the One Piece, assuming that it's as incredible as it's built up to be, but as you know, I don't know the details," I finished in a deadpan, and Luffy nodded.
"Moving past Nami's painful euphoria… You saw this coming. Would you care to tell us why we still had to go treasure hunting in that giant snake?" Zoro demanded.
'FIVE HUNDRED MILLION! I'LL BUY HER FOR FIVE HUNDRED MILLION!'
I shuddered with a grimace at the nightmarish voice that echoed in my head. "Because it's better to have the emergency fund ready and not need it than need it but not have it," I replied grimly, before going right back to cheerful. "But we'll get to that later; for now, I'm going to test just how money-high Nami is. HEY, NAMI! CAN I HAVE A FEW TANGERINES FROM YOUR TREES TO FEED TO THE FISH?"
The rest of the crew, Zoro and Soundbite included, froze and paled.
"HELP YOURSELF, CROSS!" she called back cheerfully.
I smirked smugly at the gobsmacked looks of my crew. That lasted for a few seconds before Chopper got past the shock and followed my example, waving his arms eagerly. "HEY, NAMI! CAN I HAVE A FEW…" Chopper trailed off slightly as he mumbled a few calculations under his breath before resuming. "MILLION BERIS IN AN EXPENSE ACCOUNT TO FUND MY EXPERIMENTS?"
"GLADLY, CHOPPER!"
Boss hesitated slightly before glancing back at his students. "If I die, donate my body to science, so that they might discover the source of my manliness." He then cupped his mouth and hollered at Nami. "HEY, NAMI! MIND IF I HAVE A FEW MILLION TO BUY EXERCISE EQUIPMENT?"
"ALL YOURS, BOSS!"
The dugong pumped his fist in the air victoriously to the raucous cheering of his disciples.
Usopp was, ironically enough, the next to build up the necessary courage. "HEY, NAMI! I'M TAKING THE BAG OF GOLD I GOT FROM THE SNAKE AS PAYMENT FOR BUILDING YOUR CLIMA-TACT!"
"GO AHEAD, USOPP!"
"… Wow, she really is happy," Usopp mused. He then glanced at Soundbite uneasily. "You, ah, don't hear the oncoming hoofbeats of the Four Horsemen by any chance, do you?"
"HEY, NAMI, HOW ABOUT FORGIVING MY DEBT TO YOU?!" Zoro called with a smirk.
"BURN IN HELL, SEAWEED BRAIN!" Nami called back with just as much cheer as before.
"Ah, never mind, false alarm," Usopp said in relief, while Zoro glared at me.
"Well, Option A is gone, but you'll get another chance before we leave," I said. The swordsman crossed his arms, but nodded. With that aside, I left the rest of the crew to their bargaining while I walked over to Robin, who had stepped a large distance away from the pillar and Nami and was calmly writing in a notebook, though she was still blushing… and chewing on something?
"Huh. I was wondering where my jerky went," I commented.
It wasn't liquid, but damn if that wasn't the closest thing to seeing Nico Robin do a spit-take I'd ever get, and it sent me into gales of laughter.
"OK, OK, I should have warned you about that," I giggled semi-apologetically, once I got my laughing under control and registered the glare she had levelled at me. "But in my defence, I didn't see that one coming."
Robin kept her stinkeye up for a moment before dropping it with a sigh. "I would assume not, considering your own reaction to our navigator's lust for wealth going out of control." She spared said navigator a glance, taking in the fact that she was kiss—no, that was tongue—frenching the pillar. "…I must admit, I still thought you were exaggerating about… this."
"Robin? The mere idea of having this much gold was enough to make her orgasm. Mark my words, she'll be bathing buck naked in a tub full of treasure before the day is over."
Robin stared at our navigator before slowly looking back at me. "…It's quite disturbing that I don't doubt that in the least," she said, before turning her attention back to her notebook. Looking at it, I saw the symbols of the Poneglyphs within.
I smiled as I analyzed the alien arrangements of shapes and lines. It was kind of like staring at more intricate versions of AR codes from back home, really. "So, Robin… was I right? Was the hard and perilous journey worth the reward you found?"
The archaeologist promptly tensed in a way that I could only assume was her preparing to snap her notebook shut, before she slowly allowed herself to relax, loosening her vice-like grip on the book. "Yes," she whispered, though I couldn't be sure whether she was actually conscious of what she was saying. "Yes, it was."
I smiled and gripped her arm reassuringly. Then, on a whim, I leaned down so that I could examine the symbols over her shoulder. "So, could you tell me a bit about it? I know the gist, I'll admit, but I'm curious about the exact—"
"Roger…"
"Eh?" I glanced up at Soundbite in confusion. "What are you—?"
"Roger… and POSEIDON."
I was vaguely aware of blood seeping into my bandages where my clenched fingers had broken the skin on Robin's shoulder. Neither of us actually reacted, however, on account of how we were too busy goggling at Soundbite in… well, it was a whole mess of emotions, really.
The snail, for his part, was entirely oblivious, staring at the page with a cocked eyestalk.
"Poseidon… ain't that the GREEK GOD OF—WHEGH!?"
"SHHHHUT IT!" I ground out desperately as I grabbed his tongue, ignoring his attempts to bite my fingers off.
"Soundbite…" Robin croaked once she managed to get her voice working again. "How were you able to read what's written on this page?"
I reluctantly let the gastropod go, allowing him to hack and spit for a second before glaring at me. He then rolled his eyes before renewing his curious gaze at the book. "I didn't. Well… I don't THINK I did? THOSE WERE JUST THE NAMES I HEARD."
I felt as though a block of dry ice had been dropped into my stomach. "When you say heard…" I started slowly.
Soundbite shrugged inasmuch as he could. "DUNNO. Just… whispers? I GUESS? I'm hearing the names ROGER and Poseidon FROM THE BOOK AND SOMEWHERE IN THE DISTANCE." He tilted his head contemplatively. "Probably something about a PRINCESS, TOO, I THINK?" He jabbed his eyestalks in the direction the Skypieans had come from, before frowning contemplatively and glancing back at Nola. "Also hearing something from the SNAKE, KINDA. CAN'T MAKE ANYTHING out, but it's weird. YA KNOW, 'CAUSE IT'S an amphibious Sea King AND NO ONE SPEAKS THAT."
It took all I had to keep myself from sinking to my knees in sheer shock. "Soundbite… YOU CAN—!" I barely cut myself off from yelling before continuing in a desperate whisper. "You can hear the Voice of All motherfucking Things?!"
"The what?" both he and Robin asked, deciding to keep their voices down. Somehow, I managed to organize my thoughts enough to put out a decent summary.
"I don't know many details, but it's one of the most dangerous powers in existence. I mean, Gol D. Roger had it, and it let him do things in moments that took you years to learn! He couldn't read the Poneglyphs, but apparently, he could hear their meaning!" I jabbed a finger at Nola. "Just like how he unwittingly heard the voices of Sea Kings en route to Fishman Island!"
Both Soundbite and Robin clearly comprehended the implications of what I was saying, and meanwhile, I was running a hand through my hair, trying to fathom this. "But I don't understand… with how freaking rare the power is, I wouldn't expect any Transponder Snail to have it—"
"HEY!" Soundbite barked indignantly.
"Soundbite," I growled back. "There are only two people I know of who have ever had the ability to hear the Voice of All Things: the past Pirate King, and the future one! That's the magnitude I'm talking about for rarity!"
Soundbite quieted as that sank in, while Robin focused more on another part of my statement, slowly turning to look in the direction of the rest of our crew. "Then… Luffy can…?"
"I severely doubt that he's unlocked it yet, but yes," I confirmed quietly, still trying to fathom exactly how Soundbite could possibly have an ability apparently reserved for the king of the world. I mean, what did he—?
"…holy crap, the Noise-Noise Fruit," I breathed in realization.
"Soundbite's powers?" Robin questioned in disbelief.
"Yeah!" I nodded in agreement, gaining vigour as I convinced myself of it. "I mean, think about it: he can hear everything in his range, and his powers are already amped by his species. Assuming he was straining his powers a lot during all the shit that went down yesterday—!"
"YOU TRY listening for every crackle of lightning in this PLACE AND NOT BLEEDING FROM THE EARS…" Soundbite groused.
"Then maybe it's possible that Soundbite pushed himself so hard that he made something just… I dunno, click? It could possibly also be so indistinct because he doesn't have Observation Haki ye—!" I suddenly chopped my hand at Soundbite, prompting him to snap back into his shell with a terrified shriek. "Yeah, he definitely doesn't have it yet."
"JERK!" Soundbite raged.
"Cross…" Robin warned me.
"Hey, what do you want me to say?" I shrugged helplessly. "This is something I know barely anything about, and what little I do is almost entirely guesswork and hearsay."
"I understand that better than anyone, Cross. That's not what I'm talking about," she ground out.
"Eh? Then what?"
"I am starting to lose feeling in my arm, and will call Sanji unless you release me in three, two—"
"MEEP!" I hastily unlatched my fingers from where I'd been digging them into her shoulder. "Sorry!"
Robin rolled her shoulder and flexed her fingers. "No, it's fine. I most likely would have done worse to you if I were in your shoes." She then gave Soundbite a cool look. "Now, while we can't exactly do much about or with Soundbite's newfound abilities for the moment, I trust you know as well as I do that we need to do something to contain this… new development."
"Way ahead of you," I waved her off before taking Soundbite off my shoulder and holding him in my palm in order to give him a serious look. "Alright, Soundbite, listen carefully: I've been lenient on you blurting out secrets in the past, and I'll admit that when it comes to serious stuff, you tend to keep your mouth shut, but right here, right now? This is life and death. You cannot, cannot speak the name 'Poseidon' at all, no matter what, in any context whatsoever, understood?"
"HUH?" Soundbite leaned his head back in confusion. "But why!?"
"Poseidon is the name of one of three Ancient Weapons from the Blank Century eight hundred years ago," Robin explained solemnly. "Alongside Pluton, which Crocodile sought, and Uranus—"
"Laugh, and I will eviscerate you," I solemnly promised the gastropod, wiping the nascent snicker from his face.
"Any one of these weapons is entirely capable of destroying or rearranging the world as we know it. The public reason the World Government made researching Poneglyphs illegal is that some of them contain information about the whereabouts of these weapons. It's not the whole reason…" Robin sighed despondently, a finger absentmindedly scratching at her chest. "But I can't in good conscience say it's not a valid one…"
I spared her a sympathetic wince before renewing my look at Soundbite. "If the World Government were to learn that you know even a shred of information about the Weapons from the Blank Century… suffice to say they'd rain hellfire down on us, and I am being one-hundred percent literal here."
"WHAT!?" Soundbite demanded. "BUT I BARELY KNOW SQUAT, AND I'm not planning on using it any—oooohhhh…" The snail suddenly trailed off in an understanding tone. "They would not give a damn about ANY OF THAT, WOULD THEY?"
"Now you get it," I confirmed with a nod. "Now, look: if you breathe so much as a word of what you've learned to anyone besides us, you'll be irreversibly ruining a lot of lives. So, for the time being, you need to pretty much forget even hearing the name 'Poseidon'. Got it?"
Soundbite nodded with the utmost solemnity, and thankfully, I believed him.