Chapter 6 - Chapter Six: If Tomorrow Never Comes

A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow," he said, "which you can do today." Eddie Sousa groaned as her body once again woke her up thirty minutes before her five thirty alarm. She closed her eyes, hoping to recapture some of her sleep, while falling asleep to the soothing soft splats of the rain hitting the window, kind of like white noise, but unfortunately it did nothing for her, except to tell her she needed to get up very sudden urge to pee. With a groan she got out of bed and stumbled through her apartment into her bathroom. This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. George O'Malley made his way down the hall towards Meredith's bedroom carrying two cups of coffee. He attempted to figure out how to knock on the door with a cup of coffee in each hand. And, in the end, he ended up spilling most of the coffee on himself and the floor when he tried to. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. "Wouldn't it be easier to just ask her out?" Izzie asked George as she passed him. George walks away trying not to leave a trail of spilled coffee in his way and inside her bedroom Meredith hits snooze again. Fifteen minutes later, George and Izzie were both finishing getting for their shifts at the hospital. "She's gonna be late." George said, referring to Meredith, to Izzie as she passed his room. "Maybe not." Izzie said as she entered his bedroom. "We should wait for her." George said as he left his room and stood in the doorway of Izzie's bedroom to see her putting on her socks and shoes. "Definitely not. I'm not her mother, and you are not her boyfriend. Not yet, anyway." Izzie said with a smirk at the end. Teasing George about his obvious crush on their other roommate was quickly becoming one of her favorite past-times. "Stop, okay? I told you I'm not interested." George insisted. "Life is short, George. Do you really want to die before you ever ask her out?" Izzie asked her friend. "I do not want to ask her out." George denied. "Do you really want to die a liar?" Izzie asked her friend as she made her way out of her room and downstairs. "I'm not...I'm not dying." George stuttered out as he followed his friend and roommate. Sometimes, the fear is just of making a decision. Eddie had arrived to her shift a good fifteen minutes before she needed to be, she was already in her scrubs and reading a baby name book that Eli's mom had sent her shortly after she told her she was pregnant. Along with a few other parenting books and Eddie had been reading them whenever she had a chance. There were so many decisions when coming to a baby-from if you were going to send it to daycare, have a family member watch it, or be a stay at home mother, what you are going to feed your baby, what cute little outfits would you buy, what theme or colors do you want for the nursery, or if you were going to give it a common or unique name? Sometimes it felt overwhelming. And, when it sometimes became too much, she pushed it to the back burner and threw herself into her work. "Hey, you ready?" Alex asked the young intern. "Yeah." She said marking the spot in the name book with the list of possible boy and girl names for her little peanut and put the book in her locker. "What were you reading?" Alex asked. "Baby name book." Eddie replied. "You know, Alex is a good name." Alex offered with a smirk. "In your dreams evil spawn." Eddie teased as Alex let out a laugh. Ever since their talk in the locker room a few days ago, the two seemed to be have a more civil almost friendly relationship. He was still a dick, but to Eddie, he was nicer. He treated her kinder than almost anyone else in the hospital. "Oh always, Eddie Girl." Alex teased back, as they left the locker room and were the first two to find their resident, Dr. Bailey at her favorite nurses station. Fifteen minutes later, in the Seattle Grace Hospital's parking lot, Meredith is rushing. She was cutting it too close to her rounds with only about eight minutes to be by Bailey's side. Because, what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Just as Meredith was frantically grasping for her things in the passenger seat, Derek pulled up next to her. She turned and muttered; "Crap." "Crap?" Derek asked, hearing her comment. "Hi." Meredith apologized as she made her way to the hospital. "I'm late." "You're avoiding me." Derek accused. Ever since Bailey found them at the party, Meredith seemed to be avoiding him. "Yes, but also late." Meredith responded. "Okay, are we going to talk about this?" Derek asked her. "No." "About us and Bailey and what she saw?" Derek asked as they entered the hospital. "I don't need to talk about it. I experienced it, naked." Meredith told him. "This is getting complicated." Derek said, though Meredith had truly no idea how complicated. "Complicated for me. I'm the intern sleeping with the attending. Bailey isn't speaking to me anymore." Meredith said, her last few shifts has been very awkward and Bailey was making it clear she was not happy with her. "Not that that's a bad thing. If I was a better guy, I'd walk away." Derek commented. "Yes, you would." Meredith agreed, not knowing if she wanted that or not. Derek was the first man who awoke any long-term feelings in her. "Do you want me to be a better guy?" Derek asked. "Yes." Meredith said, before answering, "No. Crap. I'm late." Meredith starts walking away, she heard Derek say: "Take your time. Think about it." In another part of the hospital, Cristina Yang was also late. She had spent the night in the on call room with Burke again. The third time. "That was definitely worth being late." Cristina commented. "Thanks." Burke sighed before he asked, "Is this a...? Should we talk about this?" "Yeah, definitely." Cristina scoffed as she leaves and rushes to the intern lock room to see Meredith frantically changing. "You're late." Meredith said. "So are you." Cristina shot back. "I know, and I can't afford to piss off Bailey any more. Do you think she told anyone?" Meredith asked, it had been a few days and she hadn't heard any rumors involving her and Derek, but that didn't mean the higher-up's didn't possibly know. "About you and McDreamy?" Cristina asked. "Yeah." "No, he's her boss too." Cristina said. "If they find out, what can they...? Can they kick me out, or...?" Meredith asked, Eddie had told her not to worry, but Eddie while as dark and twisty as her and Cristina tended to error on the side of bright and shiny in her outlook, Cristina would tell her bluntly and straight. "No... Not officially. You'll just get edged out, blacklisted, banned from his surgeries, passed over for chief resident." Cristina said, as she sighed. Knowing that if she and Burke were found out, she'd be in the same boat. "It'll be humiliating, but you'll live." "I have to end it. I definitely have to end it. I have to end it, right?" Meredith asked. "Meredith, shut up." Cristina said. "What?" Meredith asked as they are rushing up the stairs and through the hallway to catch up with Bailey, Alex, Eddie, George, and Izzie who were already on the move. "Did you seriously just tell me to shut up?" Meredith asked one of her closest friends. "Oh, please. You got a hot doctor who like to make you open up, and say "ahh." It's the American dream, stop whining about it." Cristina commented bluntly. "No. No good can come from sleeping with your boss." Meredith hissed so only Cristina and Eddie could hear, as they joined the tail end of their group. "Cristina, you're late." Bailey said. "So is Meredith." Cristina said, throwing her friend under the bus. "Child." Eddie muttered as Cristina playfully shoved her, jostling her slightly, as she accidentally bumped into Alex, who caught and straitened her up. "Thanks." Eddie said as she rubbed her belly, and sent a pointed look at Cristina who mouthed 'sorry'. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. "When we walk in this door, you will maintain decorum. You will not laugh, vomit, or drop you jaw. Are we understood?" Bailey instructed her interns as she opened the door to room 2111, and entered with her interns following her like baby ducks. "Why would we laugh?" Izzie asked quietly as they entered. "Oh, just you wait." Alex said. "Good morning, Miss Connors." Bailey greeted the woman in the hospital bed. "Good Morning." Ms. Connors said, the interns were shocked to see a woman laying in the bed with an extremely large tumor on her stomach. "What is it?" George whispered to Cristina and Eddie. "Tumor." Cristina said. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically. "Good morning, Annie. How are you? This is Dr. Bailey and these are my fellow interns." Alex greeted the patient. "Dr. Karev, we refer to patients as "mister"..." Bailey started to redirect her intern. "I told him to call me "Annie." "Miss Connors" makes me feel old and fat, which I am, but why feel that way?" Annie said self-deprecating. "Good morning." Burke said as he entered the room. "Annie, this is Dr. Burke," Alex said loudly, then whispered to Annie. "Awesome surgeon." "Dr. Karev." Bailey said. "Annie Connors is a 43-year-old woman who presented last night with progressive shortness of breath for the past three months. Found to have a very large tumor of unknown origin pressed against her diaphragm. Stable vital signs. Scheduled for CT this morning, sir." Alex prompted giving the attending the proper information. "Thank you, Dr. Karev." Burke said nodding to the intern, then to Annie. "Are you at all claustrophobic?" "I've been housebound for the last year. How claustrophobic could I be?" Annie commented. Both Alex and Eddie sent the woman a sympathetic smile. "All right then. Dr. Stevens is going to take you up for a CT. It'll give us a better look at the tumor, and we'll know how to proceed." Burke said. "Could someone tell my mom? She'll worry if she gets back and I'm not here." Annie asked worriedly. "Yeah, of course. Of course." Burke promised. "And would it be possible for Alex to take me instead? I mean, he...He's just so fun to look at." Annie asked, causing the interns to keep from chuckling. Alex may be pretty to look at, but his assholeness that he showed the world, negated a lot of it. "Annie." Alex said laughing. "Sure. Sure, Ms. Connors. Excuse me." Burke said as he left the room. "How much do you think it weighs?" Meredith asked her fellow interns later. "Sixty pounds." George said. "Okay, guys, come on she is a human being. Be respectful." Eddie scolded them. "More. She's carrying a whole extra person." Izzie said, not listening to a word Eddie said. "This one's going in the books. I've got to get in." Cristina said. "I almost did." Izzie complained, having been on call like Alex, but pulled to work on a non-surgical patient in the pit. Talk about unfair. "Have you ever seen Alex like that? He actually seemed sincere." ""Seemed" being the operative word." Meredith reminded her. "Maybe he took a shine to her. I know we call him an evil spawn, but he does have a heart." Eddie said. "He was on call last night when she came in. I am never leaving this place again." Cristina replied. She already practically lived here anyway. "Let's move, people. Ms. Connor's surgery, should we choose to proceed, will take most, if not all, of the surgeons off the floor, which means you people will have to work extra hard not to kill anyone, 'cause we won't be there to fix your mistakes." Bailey informed her interns who nodded. "I really want in on this." Cristina told Burke, hanging back. "I thought we weren't talking." Burke said sarcastically. "I'm not talking. I'm just saying." Cristina pressed. "Find her mother, get a family history, and I'll tell Bailey." Burke said after a moment and Cristina ran off to do his bidding. The rounds continued as the interns and their resident listened to each presenter. "Mr. Harper had a coronary bypass yesterday. His blood pressure, currently 100/65. It was running low overnight down to 70/30, but responded to medication. Postoperative labs show a crit of 30 and normal coagulation. Chest-tube output has halted over the last two hours." Izzie informed Bailey. "What's your plan?" Bailey asked the former model. "Chest x-ray and check the tube for possible occlusion." Izzie replied promptly. "Good." She said to her intern, before turning to Mr. Harper's wife, "He's doing fine." "Thank you." Mrs. Harper said gratefully. As the group was walking down the flight of stairs, Eddie overheard George talking to Izzie. "I know you think I like Meredith but I don't like Meredith." George started. "What?" Izzie asked. "No. I like Meredith. Obviously, I like Meredith. I just...I don't have a thing for her." George rephrased himself. "Okay." "It's just this morning...I know you were probably just teasing, But I don't want you to say anything like that to her. Because you know, we live together, and that'd be awkward." George continued. "George, stop talking." Izzie ordered. "Okay, then." George said as they walked towards their next room. "Morning." Bailey greeted Dr. Shepherd, the patient Mr. Levangie, and his daughter. "Mr. Levangie, this is Dr. Bailey and her fine staff of surgical interns." Derek informed the pair. "Welcome to hell, kids." Mr. Levangie greeted jerkily as his body twitched. Eddie looked at him sympathy. Her grandmother, whom she loved dearly, Frances, had died from Parkinson's when she was ten, having gotten it earlier in life. Eddie watched her struggle eery day. And, she would sit with her in the nursing home her mother shoved her in when she became "too much of an inconvenience." Eddie remembered her suffering, and knew Mr. Levangie was truly in hell. "Who's presenting?" Dr. Bailey asked. "Edward Levangie is a 63-year-old man admitted for pain management for Dyskinesia. He's been stable since last night, and responding to the bolus injections." Eddie said. "Izzie, possible treatments?" "For Parkinson's disease? Um, deep brain stimulation has shown..." Izzie started. "Not for Parkinson's, for spinal pain." Derek corrected the other blonde intern. "Oh, um..." Izzie said trying to rack her brain for anything. "Intraspinal catheter. That way, he can have constant pain medication." Meredith said, just as Eddie was opening her mouth to speak. "Excellent. This is Dr. Grey. She's gonna prep you for the procedure and assist." Derek informed the group. "Excuse me." Derek said as his pager went off. "You make yourselves busy, I'll catch up with you." Bailey ordered her interns as she left, following after the handsome attending. Later that day, Eddie was walking by the CT room and overheard Alex's voice. Remembering he was working on Annie's case, so she stopped by to check what was happening. "I've never seen anything like this." The CT Tech said. "Well, what I don't understand...is how a person lets it get like that." She heard Alex say, "I mean, man, that is a whole lot of nasty." "Maybe she's afford of doctors, or something. Poor thing." The CT Tech said. "Poor thing? Please. If you're afraid of doctors, you take a pill. She's just sick, like, warped, you know? Seriously, I don't know how she lives with herself." Alex said. "No way. We are not doing this." Eddie said, startling the tech and the other intern. Both turned to see the pregnant intern standing there. "I'm not going to pretend I didn't hear that. And, you're not going to pretend it's okay for you to say it. Do I think she should have come in earlier? Absolutely. Is it okay to judge her for it, absolutely not. But, last I checked, we don't know this woman. We have no idea why she didn't come in earlier. It's not our place to judge. Last time I checked we're here to help her. Not judge her." Eddie said, getting more and more mad. They both opened their mouth to say something. "No. We don't criticize or make assumptions. We are here to try and figure out what is wrong with her, her tumor. And unless you want to be talked about that way by others, I suggest you take a good hard look at yourself. It is horrible that you are doing this to Annie, the patient, being kind and understanding to her face, while being talked about her behind her back. Don't do it to her. God, we're doctors. We're here to help. This is why some people don't like us. Because we think we'll judge them for their choices. And, back to the point, we don't know why she didn't come in, and it's not our place to judge. And, do better Alex." With that Eddie twirled on her heel and marched out of the room. Unknowingly to the two interns and the CT Tech, Annie heard it all. Bailey, Derek and Burke are examining x-rays from Annie Connors. "The right hemidiaphragm is so high that it's completely displacing her lung tissue." Burke said motioning to the area. "It's infiltrated her spinal canal in three places. We should start there. It's going to take 3 or 4 hours to get around those nerves." Derek said. "I'd prefer to start in front, and then flip her. You never know what kind of vessels are involved, how intertwined they are. I'm going to need a good head start." Burke stated. "I should really go with the spine fresh, if I miss a step, she's paralyzed." Derek countered. "If I don't relieve the pressure on her lungs, she'll be dead. So, she won't mind if she can't walk." Burke countered the neurosurgeon. "Do you think she really wants to live? Come on. She's been housebound. She's been living under this thing, just watching it grow for how long? She doesn't seem stupid. Doesn't even seem all that scared. Why would anyone wait this long unless they wanted to die?" Bailey asked her two attendings. "People do things every day that they know could kill them. Doesn't mean they want to die." Derek informed the resident. "What are her chances of surviving the surgery?" Bailey asked. "Slightly better than if we do nothing." Burke said. "So is it worth it?" Bailey asked the two. Burke looks at her and Derek sighs. "Hey, come on. You were already thinking it, I'm just saying." "She's 43. It's worth a try." Burke said before leaving. Preston Burke was just about to have a nurse page Dr. Sousa when he saw her walking passed the nurses station with some charts in hand. Ms. Connors had asked for her specifically for the surgery, and the attending was more than happy to have her there. "Dr. Sousa," Burke called. She turned and when she saw the attending came over to him, apologizing to a nurse she cut off doing so with a kind smile, then to Burke she said, "Yes Dr. Burke?" "You're joining O'Malley and Yang on the Annie Connor's surgery today. Help O'Malley with pre-ops." Burke said. "Yes, of course Dr. Burke." Eddie said. She went to the nurse station and dropped off the carts. "I'll get on that right away." Eddie reached the door just as George was coming around the corner. "Dr. Burke says I am to help with Annie's pre-op." George just nodded as they both entered the room. "We just need to recheck your labs and get an EKG, so I just need to take a little blood. Dr. Burke is great, and Dr. Bailey. I know you're probably scared." George said as he examined Annie. "That's okay, kitten. You can just do your job. You don't have to talk to the fat, nasty tumor lady. I mean, I let it get this bad. How much sympathy do I deserve?" Annie said bitter and upset. "Annie, no." Eddie said looking at her patient. "You are not nasty." "I heard." Annie said looking at the young, pretty, blonde intern. "I heard in the CT." "Oh!" Eddie said her eyes widening in shock. "Oh, Annie, I am so sorry. That is awful. You shouldn't have..." "Thank you for standing up for me." Annie said. "You didn't need to." "Yes I did." Eddie said honestly. "Everyone deserves someone to stand up for them. Even if it is a stranger. You are worth it Annie. You are one of the kindest and nicest patients I've had here." Annie smiled at her. "It doesn't change the fact I'm the nasty tumor lady." Annie said sadly. "Why did you let it get this bad?" George asked. "You're the first person since I got here to ask me that." Annie said. "Well, I guess it's just like the elephant in the room." George said, not thinking about that saying being offensive. "Elephant?" "George!" Both Annie and Eddie said at the same time. "I mean..." George stuttered. "It's more like a giant sow, don't you think?" Annie tased as she smiled at the two, making the two interns smile at each other. "Every time I went to the hospital, someone died. All four of my grandparents, then my dad. My best friend's mom, my baby sister. They all went in, never came out. So I put it off." "You know, you're not the only one to put things off. I mean I never do anything till the last possible minute." George said. "Like what?" Annie asked. "Well...I've had this thing for my roommate since, like, day one, and I just...I can't tell her. She probably wouldn't go out with me, anyway, but...How do I know that for sure, if I don't ever ask?" George explained as Eddie looked at him with a really look. "Seriously? You're equating your pathetic love life with my record-breaking tumor? Seriously?" Annie asked shocked. Meredith, Eddie, and Cristina were sitting at one of the outdoor lunch tables having lunch while Meredith complained about her love life. "It's just that he blatantly favors me in front of her and then blatantly dismisses me." Meredith complained. "How do you know he was favoring you? Look, you've got a brain. You got into this program. Just because Shepherd wants to munch your cookies doesn't mean you didn't deserve what you worked for." Cristina said, as Eddie agreed nodding her head as she popped a cherry tomato from her side salad in her mouth. "But, it might look really bad though." Eddie said. "But he's making me look bad. I have to end it." Meredith said. Neither of her friends believed her. Because, she had said that before and each time she was drawn back to McDreamy. "Right." Cristina said sarcastically. "If I had a dollar every time you said that, I'd be a millionaire." Eddie joked causing Cristina to laugh. "It's over." Meredith insisted. "Uh, huh." The two said. "Is it true you get to scrub in on that tumor?" Alex asked, as he joined the three interns at their table. "Don't sit here." Cristina answered. "You get to scrub in? How psyched are you?" Izzie asked as she sat down next to Eddie. "On a scale of one to ecstatic, ecstatic." Cristina replied. "It's unbelievable. You know what I think? I think Burke wants to get into your scrubs." Alex said annoyed that he did something Cristina always did and got kicked in the teeth for it, yet she still got to scrub in. Eddie, he understood, the girl was freaking sunshine and kindness, and smarter than most people combined, still annoyed him, but it was more understandable than Cristina. Eddie had found him after lunch and read him the riot act and told him he better apologize to Annie before she went into surgery. She really was scary when she wanted to be. "Why are you sitting here?" Cristina asked the man. "He kicked me off that surgery for the same crap you pull every day." Alex complained. "You know what. If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in trouble?" Cristina pondered as she looked at the fork in her hand. "Not if you make it look like an accident." Meredith said. "And, even if it couldn't, none of us saw anything." Eddie said as she smiled as Alex sent her a really look, but she just smiled at him as she popped a cherry tomato in her mouth. "Hey!" George said as he approached with his own tray. "Hi." Izzie greeted as he sat down. "Thank God, man. I'm drowning in estrogen here." Alex said in greeting. "You look...is everything okay?" George asked when he noticed Meredith's gloomy demeanor. "Shepherd's a jackass," was all Meredith said. "Really? I think he's kind of great." Izzie said. "He reamed her out in front of Bailey." Cristina informed him. "Why?" Izzie asked. "Cause he's a jackass." Meredith said. While she was close to George and Izzie, they wouldn't understand her drama and freak out over the fact she had slept with an attending and attempted to do so a few nights ago in the back of his car like a horny teenager. And, she defiantly didn't want Alex knowing. "Oh. " George said, "Well, bad days are...bad. Maybe tonight, uh, if, you know, if you drink alcohol, I mean, we could all of us, I mean, go out and drink alcohol...because of the bad day." Poor Georgie. Eddie thought. It was obvious to all but Meredith that George had a thing for her, and he was just so...awkward. It was kinda cute in a way. " I got to go." Meredith said as her pager beeped and quickly hurried away. "Dude." Alex said with a bit of a chuckle. "Shut up." George demanded Cristina and Alex laugh as Izzie and Eddie try to sooth the intern's embarrassment. Later in the day Burke, George, Eddie, and Cristina were scrubbing in for Annie Connor's surgery. "If they pull this off, I'm totally calling Oprah." Cristina said just as Bailey entered the scrub room. "You two been working out?" Bailey asked as she looked at Cristina and George. "Um, sometime I jog, and I try to take the stairs whenever possible." George replied. "Why?" Cristina asked, curious about why her attending wanted to know. "See that large pile of tumor? You're going to be retracting it for the next 14 hours, so I'm just saying I hope you have strong backs." Bailey informed her two interns. "But, Dr. Bailey," Eddie said, getting her residents attention, "what about me?" "Because Annie asked for you specifically and we already picked O'Malley and Yang, and since you're pregnant, you are going to be watching and cauterizing some bleeders." Burke answered instead. Eddie's eyes lit up in excitement. George and Cristina were envious. They would kill for the chance to cauterize the bleeders, instead they were stuck holding the tumor for hours. Meredith entered the scrub room and looked at Derek who was in the middle of scrubbing in. "Dr. Shepherd." Meredith called. "Yes?" Derek asked. "Mr. Levangie has agreed to DBS. If we do it today. If he leaves, he won't come back." Meredith informed the attending. "Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. It'll take hours before we get around to the spine. I'll page you." Burke said to the attending. Derek thought for a less than a second and said, "All right, then." He started to head out and said, "Let's do it." "We need to hang another bag of O-neg." A nurse informed Dr. Burke. "Cauterizing the small bleeders to keep my visual field clean." Burke said as Eddie helped cauterize some bleeders for the doctor. "God, is your back killing you?" George grunted out in pain to Cristina so only the two of them could hear. "George, shut up. We're in here." Cristina hissed back, even though she thought her back would give out soon. "Look at the size of this artery." Burke commented as he and the other doctors and nurses looked at the size of Annie's arteries they were huge. "My God. It's as thick as a thumb. You ever seen a vessel this size?" Bailey asked the cardio attending. "No. This thing's just feeding on all her blood." Burke said, shocked and amazed. "We need more O-negative." Bailey called to a nurse. "I'll call the blood bank." The nurse responded. George stretches and drops the tumor. "Damn it, O'Malley. Do you want me to kill this patient?" Burke demanded angrily. "No, I ...sorry." George apologized. "I mean, is the art of retracting just too much for you?" Burke asked the intern. "No, I was, uh...um...I had an itch." George finally said, as Eddie sent him a sympathetic look. A few hours later, after he had finished his surgery, Derek entered Annie's OR. "How's it going?" Derek asked Burke. "It's more intertwined than the studies made it look." Burke said as he looked up briefly from what he was doing. "Hang another bag, call the blood bank. We need more O-negative." Bailey said to a nurse. "I'm down 10 units of blood and I haven't even flipped her yet." Burke commented. "Oh, wow. Look at that. Now how am I supposed to get around that artery?" Derek asked as he joined them, ready to help. "All right, then. Forceps." Meredith entered the gallery above Annie's OR room and looked at the surgery going on with wide eyes. "God, it's unbelievable." Meredith said shocked and amazed at what she saw. "Right." Alex agreed. "How did she live like that?" Meredith wondered out loud. "Watch what you say. You never know who's listening." Alex informed her still annoyed he was taken off the case. "Look at George. He looks like he's about to fall in." Alex laughed. "Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem?" Meredith asked. She had seen him with Eddie. He seemed genuinely kind, though still a bit of an ass, with the girl. But, still kinder than he was with anyone else. And, Meredith knew better than anyone people were multi-faceted. "Oh, you want to go out for a drink later and hear about my secret pain?" Alex asked the blonde. "Does that line ever work for you?" Meredith asked the man. "Sometimes." Alex admitted. "Oh. Must be because you look like that." Meredith said, she may like Derek, a lot, but she had eyes, Alex was handsome. "Like what?" Alex asked before he realized what Meredith meant and started to laugh. "So is that a yes?" "No. I can't. I'm seeing someone." Meredith informed him. "Look, if you don't want to go out with me, just say so. No need to lie." Alex said seriously. "Oh, okay. Well, I don't want to go out with you. But I think I really might be seeing someone." Meredith told him honestly. Bellow, they saw Izzie enter the OR. "Mr. Harper, the post-op heart patient in 2114. I had to open his sternotomy bedside." Izzie told Burke. Everyone turns to look at her with a look of awe. "You what?" Burke asked shocked. "What?" Up in the gallery, Alex quickly gets up and leaves to head down to the OR scrub room. "He had cardiac tamponade. His chest films were clean this morning. It just... It happened fast. He was in PEA. There was no time." Izzie explained. "Go ahead. I got it. We're okay here." Derek said to Burke with a nod. "Okay." Burke said as he quickly left to scrub out of the surgery and go check on his patient the intern had just worked on. "I need some retraction. Pull back on the retractor." Derek ordered. Everyone could overhear Izzie yelling at Alex from the scrub room. Eddie almost felt bad for the intern. "Never a dull moment here at Seattle Grace." Derek commented dryly at all the drama that seemed to be going on in the hospital since he started. Just then a blood vessel burst, squirting blood all over Derek, Eddie, and Bailey. "Oh!" Derek said as the OR busted out into chaos. "Oh, my God." Bailey said. "Get right in there." Derek ordered "She can't afford to lose this much blood. We need more blood." Derek yelled over the chaos. "Get me some suction here. I can't see what I'm doing. Clamp, clamp, clamp, please. Is there any blood in the rapid infuser?" Bailey ordered. "We're waiting on two units." A nurse said. "What do you mean, waiting?" Derek asked harshly. "Well, we didn't anticipate this much blood loss." Bailey informed the doctor. "They're on their way." Another nurse by the phone called out. "We prepped a double supply. We've used it all." Bailey said. "What did you cut?" Derek asked the resident. "Nothing. It just blew. She came in with too much damage. The artery walls are too weak." Bailey informed the resident. Alex watched this from the scrub room. "Annie, come on." Alex whispered. "Ten units of O-negative." Bailey said. "I cannot see. Eddie, give me your hand. Push right down here. Pull it towards you. Suction! Suction!" Derek said as the blonde intern did as he asked instantly and the nurse took over suctioning for her. "The pressure's dropping." "She needs blood. Where the hell is the blood?!" Derek yelled out. "Somebody grab that. Push it back, Eddie. Come on." Derek said, breathless. "Oh, God. Just squeeze it off right there. Here we go. "Some suction, please, in here, now. Come on. We're losing her now. Look at this. Look at his. Come on." Derek said as he started CPR. "Oh, come on! Come on!" Derek repeated like a mantra while he continued to give CPR. "Come on!" The heartbeat monitor was flat. It had stopped a while ago, but Derek had hoped to get her back. But it was no use. He stopped CPR. "Time of death is 11:42." Just then Alex rushed in with the bags of blood. "I got it." He said. But it was too late. The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometime we have to see for ourselves. Eddie leaned against the wall in the empty on call room alone as she cried at the loss of Annie. She knew being a surgeon often lead to death. People often needed surgeries for life and death reasons and no matter what there was always a risk of death. But, Annie's death hit her hard. She was a sweet and kind woman who didn't deserve that huge, ugly, tumor or dying the way she did. Her poor mother. She had been heart broken, and it took all of Eddie's strength not to break down alongside her as she, Bailey, and George gave her the news. "Eddie? Eddie! Are you okay?" Conrad Quinn asked shocked seeing the intern who was usually all sunshine and rainbows crying in the on-call room. Then he was instantly concerned when he remembered she was in fact pregnant and there could be something wrong. "She died. Annie, my patient." Eddie cried, "she didn't deserve to die, Dr. Quinn." Conrad nodded and slid down next the blonde and wrapped her up in a hug. It was a bit awkward, seeing as he was technically her boss' boss. But, Conrad couldn't help but comfort the intern. He remembered his first time he lost a patient and he had cried in the on-call room as well, not wanting others to see. And, he couldn't imagine it compounded with the fact she was pregnant and her hormones changed at a drop of the hat. "I know, Eddie, I know." Conrad said as he let her cry into his shoulder, her tears soaking up in his scrub top. "And, all I can think about is how her mom looked. She looked like she lost her whole world. Annie was her whole world Dr. Quinn, and she died." Eddie sobbed. "I know she should have come in earlier, but she was so afraid to die...and...she didn't deserve to die." "I know." Conrad soothed as he held her while she cried, just sitting there while she cried into his top, soaking the scrub top. But, Conrad didn't care. He just let her cry as long as she needed to. Suddenly, Eddie stopped gasping slightly through the tears. "What's wrong?" Conrad asked as he looked her over as she put her hand to her stomach. "My baby moved." Eddie whispered. "I thought I felt it earlier and went to see Dr. Clements, but I didn't...it moved." Conrad smiled. "It seems like your baby wanted to comfort you too." Conrad said with a smile as Eddie smiled softly. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. "Have you seen Meredith?" George asked Alex as they crossed paths in the hallway. "Save yourself the misery, man. She's off the market." Alex said knowing that the other male intern had feelings for the Grey girl. "What? No, that's not... We're just friends." George denied. "Whatever." Alex scoffed at the other man. "But she's not. I mean, if she was seeing someone, I live with her, I would know it." George said, trying to deny the thought or the idea of Meredith being with someone else. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.