Kōichi stood at the city gate and looked back at that solitary, arrogant figure.
Megumin's chant echoed across the plain, each syllable carrying crushing magical pressure.
"Blacker than black, darker than darkness, here I entrust my true crimson. The time of awakening has come. Let the principle that falls into the realm of absurdity take shape as an unseen distortion and appear!"
As the chant continued, a massive red magic circle appeared in the sky. The swarm of red cabbages that had been flying wildly seemed to sense the destructive threat and began scattering in panic, but before that overwhelming magical pressure, all struggle was futile.
"Explosion——!!!"
A crimson pillar of light that seemed to pierce heaven and earth erupted from the center of the plain.
In that instant, the blinding light forced everyone to shut their eyes, and it was immediately followed by a deafening roar and a shockwave that swept across everything.
Countless rampaging cabbages were vaporized in the light, turning to ash before they could even let out a cry.
A wave of heat washed over him, and Kōichi could feel even the silk underwear beneath his robe turning pleasantly warm from the blast.
When the smoke finally cleared, the once-dense tide of cabbages was gone. In its place was a massive blackened crater, along with the faint smell of... charcoal-grilled vegetables lingering in the air.
"Phew... ninety-five points... today's Explosion... was art..."
Megumin toppled forward stiffly like a puppet with its strings cut, an utterly satisfied yet vacant smile hanging on her face.
Kōichi stepped forward, picked her up like a kitten, and tossed her onto Kazuma's back. Then he looked at the drifting streams of experience light scattered across the ground and smiled in satisfaction.
As the sun set, the Adventurers Guild in Axel was brightly lit. Along with the usual smell of ale, the air now carried a strong scent of scorched grass.
Kōichi led his battered, exhausted party inside and, under the crowd's awed gazes, or more accurately, the looks people gave lunatics, slammed dozens of heavy wooden crates down in front of the settlement counter.
"Luna-san, settle it. This is our party's hard-earned money for today." Kōichi casually wiped the dust from his face. He looked a little disheveled, but the sharp gleam in his eyes reminded him of one thing. He was rich now.
Luna-san wiped the cold sweat from her forehead and skillfully pried open the first crate.
"All right, let me see... one, two, three... huh?" Her movement suddenly froze. She pushed up her glasses, then lifted out a green vegetable that looked crisp and fresh, but somewhat... elongated. "Um... Kōichi-san, isn't this lettuce?"
"Huh?" Kōichi froze.
Luna-san quickly opened the second and third crates as well. Mixed in with the green gold they had been expecting was a huge amount of this cheap vegetable, crisp in texture but practically worthless on the market.
"This crate... is all lettuce. This one... half cabbage, half lettuce. And this one, there are even a few big radishes stuffed in here?"
Kōichi slowly turned his neck with a stiff, creaking motion like a rusty spring and glared at Aqua, who was hugging a mug of unpaid ale and clearly about to pour herself a drink.
"A... qua...! Explain this to me. What is all this lettuce doing here? I distinctly remember that you were in charge of the final washing and packing!"
"Pfft!" Aqua sprayed out a mouthful of ale, her eyes darting toward the ceiling as her fingers nervously twisted at her clothes. "W-well... Kōichi, hear me out! The wind was so strong back then, and green things were flying everywhere. They all looked so alike! And... and they looked so pitiful lying in the mud, so I just... just picked them all up! They're all vegetables anyway. They taste pretty much the same, don't they?!"
"They are completely different, you idiot goddess!" Kazuma dumped Megumin onto a bench from his back, then jumped up and grabbed Aqua by the neck, shaking her violently. "Cabbages are worth ten thousand Eris each, and lettuce isn't even worth a hundred! You turned our gold mine into a garbage dump!"
"Uwaaaah! Stop shaking me! My brain's gonna get sloshed out! Kōichi, save me! Kazuma's committing deicide!"
Kōichi took a deep breath and forcibly held back the urge to smash Aqua's head in with his staff. He turned to Luna-san, his voice trembling slightly.
"So... after removing all this trash, how much are the rest worth?"
Luna-san gave him a professionally reassuring smile and pointed to the last specially made crate, the one Kōichi had guarded personally, still giving off a faint golden glow.
"Fortunately, this top-grade meat cabbage is the genuine article. Adding that to the remaining sixty ordinary cabbages, plus the few red cabbages Megumin-san charred but which can still be salvaged... the total reward comes to: one million one hundred thousand Eris!"
The moment he heard that number, the tension wound tight through Kōichi's body finally loosened.
Although it was several hundred thousand less than expected, in this newbie town where the average person made less than a thousand Eris a day, one million one hundred thousand was still a fortune big enough to make everyone drop to their knees and call him daddy.
"Hmph. For the sake of this million, Aqua, I'll allow you to order two bottles of high-end liquor tonight." Kōichi took the heavy money bag and casually tossed a stack of bills to Kazuma. "Here. Go change out of those clothes that stink like vegetables. As for the rest, as your captain, I'll be carrying out some 'reasonable asset allocation.'"
"Ooooh! Kōichi! You really are the most devoted follower of the Axis Order... no, wait, you're the greatest captain!" Aqua instantly came back to life at full health and happily pounced on the drink menu.
Darkness, meanwhile, lowered her head in disappointment off to the side. "So... so I'm not going to receive a harsh punishment from the captain for letting all that lettuce get mixed in? I was fully prepared to accept the shameful play of being sold off to a vegetable shop as a laborer for negligence..."
"Darkness, your punishment tonight is to eat all those dozens of crates of lettuce. Every last bit. You are not allowed to leave any."
Kōichi delivered the order without a trace of emotion.
"Ugh! Th-this... this plain yet cruel torment of having my body filled with massive amounts of fiber... Captain-sama truly understands me!" Darkness covered her face, and her body started trembling again.
Kōichi ignored this bunch of problem children, pulled out the Succubus Shop Membership Card he had lifted from the Silver Lion's wallet, and shot Kazuma a look.
Kazuma immediately understood. Against the noisy backdrop of the guild, the two men showed an incredibly synchronized and incredibly sleazy grin.
Night fell, and the streets of Axel gradually emptied out, with only the rowdy sounds of drinking games still spilling out from the taverns.
And along the road leading to a quiet alley in one corner of town, two suspicious figures were walking side by side.
"Hey, Kōichi." Kazuma lowered his voice and glanced around like a thief. Only after confirming that the blue-haired idiot, the Crimson Demon loli, and the pervert knight were not tailing them did he finally let out a sigh of relief. "Let's get one thing straight first. Tonight is a sacred gentlemen's night. That membership card may have been lifted from those elite mobs by you, but I'm the one who found it. So..."
"So what?" Kōichi raised a brow. His robe swayed lightly in the night breeze, and all the dignity of a captain had completely vanished, replaced by the sleazy grin of perfect male understanding. "You mean you don't want me screwing you over like usual? Like when you were filling out your ideal type questionnaire and I secretly changed 'older sister type' to Aqua?"
"Don't say that name! That's a nightmare!" Kazuma shuddered all over, horror written across his face, then immediately grabbed Kōichi by the shoulders with a deadly serious look. "I mean it! Tonight we're comrades! Accomplices! There can't be any betrayal! If you wake me up in the middle of a sweet dream, or order just one package to save money and make me watch while you have all the fun... I'll kill you!"
"Relax, Kazuma." Kōichi patted the back of his hand, his tone as sincere as if he were swearing an oath in church. "I'm a man too. I long for that... that land of tenderness that exists only in fantasy. Tonight, there will be no scheming, no sadism, only pure enjoyment. I swear, if I screw you over tonight, may I be reincarnated in my next life as a follower of Aqua."
"Damn... you'd even make a vow that vicious?" Kazuma sucked in a sharp breath. The suspicion in his eyes finally vanished, replaced by moved, watery-eyed emotion. "Brother! I knew it. Sure, you're usually a bit sadistic, but when it really counts, you're reliable! Come on! Let's go welcome the heaven that belongs to us!"