Hey, hey, Kid!
Hey to you all as well, Folks!
I hope -as always- that this latest entry finds you all doing well!
This winter storm has been crazy, you know?
I am in Wisconsin, and I am glad for it, lol.
We got hit, but so many others were hit much, much worse!
I pray for the health and safety of everyone in these trying times.
We all need it.
I hope that if you are stuck somewhere, you are at least safe and warm.
I have been thinking about my ex a lot as of late, and I hate it, lol.
I am sure that it is due to this month marking the four-year mark of us having split, and that is at the back of my mind.
Combine that with these "Dear You" entries, and those from "O.J.M. Volume 02, and I am essentially forcing myself to constantly relive moments of my past.
Both good and bad.
That is cathartic as fuck, you know?
As much as I love the healing and whatnot, the pain that comes with it can definitely suck.
A part of me looks forward to being done, but another part of me longs for and needs this to continue on.
It is weird.
Mayhap my emotional core needs a bit of chaos?
I don't know, and that sounds/seems toxic, you know?
Hmm.
I will see you all back here soon, yeah?
I hope that none of your exes have been mentally stalking you!
See you soon enough, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
Enjoy.
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May 13th, 2022.
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Dear You.
Not so long since the last post, huh?
I hope you have been well.
Me?
Back in 2022?
I am okay.
Could be worse...
But alas, I try not to complain, you know?
XXXXX, she has COVID.
Her second time, actually.
I hate it.
I feel helpless.
Let her get over and through this soon.
I need her.
We need her.
-----
Hmm.
2022 seems so long ago, yet so recent, you know?
It is a weird feeling, but one that I am starting to get used to.
I have been single for just under four years now, and I have been using a lot of that time to focus on and heal myself after what I experienced with my ex-fiancé.
I still wake up thinking about her at times, Kid...
I can't help that, and I don't think there is anything I can do to change it.
I met her when I was 16 years old, you know?
I don't miss her.
I don't want to see her.
I don't want to talk to her.
I don't want to be with her anymore.
I don't feel anything when it comes to her but a bit of shame for having known that she didn't love or want me, and still stayed around trying to change that fact, and a small ping of regret for not having left much sooner.
It can be hard to sit and write these entries sometimes, you know?
A lot of this stuff, and the stuff in O.J.M. Volume 02, is saturated in my exe and the memory of her...
I am very over her and anything to do with her, but I am still quite human, and that part of me that was happy with her, even though all of that happiness was self-produced, wants to be happy again.
I think that I am truly ready to love and be loved again, but I am just so picky now that I may just end up alone forever.
Hmm, again.
Sometimes we heal so much that we are maybe a bit too healed, you know?
- One of my exes had popped up rather suddenly during the time that I was separating from the woman I was with, and I was very grateful for it and her.
She had been an anchor point for me, and having her in my life again kept me from backtracking and getting back with my ex after we had broken up.
We had broken up on 3-22-22 (I think), and I wouldn't be able to move out and into my new place until 5-01-22 at the very soonest.
That was a VERY long time to have to be with and around someone who had shattered my heart...
I was effectively an unwanted guest, as I had simply relinquished nearly everything to her.
The apartment, the pets, the furniture, and almost anything that we shared, I left to her.
I didn't care for any of it, let alone the memories it would bring.
I started my life over from scratch, and without my ex there to help distract me, I would have had a much harder time getting away from the situation I was in.
The crazy part?
She would rather suddenly ghost me shortly after I moved into my own place...
I didn't know or understand at the time, but I needed that space and distance far more than I needed her in my life at that time.
Hmm, and hmm again.
- Before she had ghosted me, she had caught COVID, and I was quite worried. I really did care about her, and I would have done anything I could to help, but alas, she had simply chosen to walk out of my life -again- and act as if we never spoke or knew each other.
I am okay with that.
I feel as if everything happens for a reason, you know?
I wasn't meant to be with her the first time around, and I was a fool to think that a second time would be the charm, lol.
Sheesh.
I didn't need her; I needed her to help me free myself.
I know that now, and I appreciate her for that temporary assistance, even if her ghosting me did really cause more damage in the moment, lol.
Such is life, you know?
It can be what we make of it, but it can also be a whole lot of what other people make of it.
Just be wary of who you love and trust, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
I will leave you all at that, and I hope that you all are doing just as well the next time you come here to read my material!
Life has been a bit strange with all of this war and violence in the world...
I hope that you all are far from the worst of it, and I pray that anyone who is in that conflict zone is safely freed from the war just as soon as possible...
I hate this all so much, you know?
We need to be better as a whole species, and I hate to say that I can't see that happening anytime soon.
Let's just stay as positive as possible and try to love, hold, and help each other as much as we all can.
We are all that we have, you know?
People need people.
I love you all, and I hope to see you all again soon.
Safe travels, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
And as always;
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.