Hey, Kid.
Hey to you as well, Folks.
I hope that you all have been well since the last time we spoke, yeah?
These weeks seem to be flying by, and I don't think I like that.
Mayhap it's just me?
The older we get, the less time we seem to have in our days, you know?
Hmm.
I have been doing just as well as I can be, and I hope that you all have been as well.
I'm still working on financial balance, but I've got this!
No more excuses, I just need to be and do better
It's as simple as that.
Be better.
I see all of my problems, Kid.
I see and understand them...
I just need to take more steps to make the change that I want to see in my life.
I need to maintain the drive and motivation.
That is the hardest part...
I need...
Goals.
I need something more and bigger than myself to strive toward.
To work for and toward.
I think that we all do, you know?
Hmm, and hmm again.
Mayhap I need to cash in a bit of my vacation time and just relax at home for a while.
Close myself off to the world for a few solid days.
Mayhap I need to get out of my own way and out of my own head.
I will see you all back here soon enough, yeah?
Enjoy.
(I think I'll walk today... I could use a little extra time away from 2026.)
-----
May 17th, 2022.
-----
Dear You.
Yesterday was a tough day.
My emotions were raging.
I was on edge.
All day.
The Blood full moon may have played a part.
The retrograde as well.
I hope you have been well.
XXXXX has COVID.
Apparently, for the second time.
I need her to get better.
She may very well be your mother, lbvs.
-----
(I should have taken the long way.)
Hmm.
- I can't recall what I was so out of sorts over, but this journal was written but a handful of weeks after I had moved into my new place.
I was battling stark and all-enveloping loneliness, depression over having had to leave the woman who I thought was the "love of my life" again, and for good, separation anxiety, and abandonment issues.
I was in such a strange and vulnerable place that I found myself constantly in a deep, dark corner of my mind, withdrawing away from the world.
I was looking for myself, my core, my balance.
I was trying to start my healing process, and I couldn't let my ex go.
I would let her come over.
I would go to her place.
I would still sleep with her.
Buy her things.
Seek her affection.
I was both foolish and manipulated.
Bah, 2022 was one hell of a hard year for me...
I am glad it's over.
Long gone and moved on.
- XXXXX was the other ex who came around all of a sudden while my relationship was spiraling.
She helped solidify my feelings in that turbulent time, and even helped me get away from the situation that I was in by not letting me fall back into the web that I had broken myself from.
All along, she had no good intentions herself, you know?
She just wanted to sleep with me for the summer and even get a few things out of me, including a couple of birthday gifts...
Seems my luck works that way, you know?
I am just as useful as what I can do and provide for people, or so it would seem.
A part of me just wants to start being and acting useless.
Mayhap a bit of reverse psychology would help my life find some meaning?
Hmm...
Pardon my melancholy mood, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
I am just a bit worn down at the moment, but I've got this.
I always do, don't I?
Take care of yourself, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
This life is short.
Make the best and most of it.
For all we know, this is the only one we get, you know?
Safe travels, Kid.
Safe travels, Folks.
Spring is here, let's make it a season of growth!
I will see you all in the next one, yeah?
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.