"O, the great one, whose dance causes the destruction of myriad worlds accept my prayers,"
"O, the destroyer, even if your existence was just to destroy the universe you held the poison that even kills gods just for prosperity of world,"
"O, the third eyed god, accept these humble ones, prayers,"
As I clasped my hands and prayed,
"In this palm of my hand, lies the pen of my destiny" is one of the great lines my late grandfather used to say,
"Strong minded does not care about the past and intelligent ones do not get anxious about future, A true man thinks about what he should do right at this moment,"
These were the few lines, I remember and I live by those lines,
I do not care about past neither get anxious about future is what I believe I should do but as a human I am not perfect enough to achieve something like this but I do believe that this line is absolutely true,
One should not worry about the past and future,
Because there is someone in highest of all heavens that is looking at us but I wonder when that deity looks above,
Is there even a greater heaven then the heaven he lives on?
Or there might not even be someone on the highest of all heavens,
Who knows?
Perhaps, No one!
As, I was lost in thinking, A sharp sound pulled back my wandering mind into my body,
"Mama (Uncle), food is ready, Mom said to call you,"
A cute voice of little girl blessed my ears,
"Yes, I will be there,"
I stopped writing my dairy and read the text again, it was quite cringe but whatever it is not like someone is going to read this,
Date: XXXX,11,21
As I wrote today's date, I went down to kitchen,
…
I think it is because I lived with my grandfather and grandmother in my village where it was a tradition to eat while sitting cross-legged,
I am not used to eating in the dining table,
So, I usually eat by sitting cross-legged on 100x100 cm yoga like mat,
With a small table reaching about my stomach when I sit cross-legged,
My big sister, puts the food plate Infront of me and said "Is this enough? Tell me if you want more,"
I nodded,
I live in my sister's apartment,
I was about to live alone in this city for my study but my college was very near my sister's apartment,
So, there was no point in renting another floor or room as my sister floor already had an extra guest room and I got to stay with my sister, my brother-in-law and my cute niece,
Which I believe is a good thing, living alone can be dangerous,
As many people commit suicide when living alone,
Of course, I won't do such thing but there is a famous saying that has been passed down to us since ancient times,
My grandfather said our 3rd generation clan priest had a vision in which clan god appeared and said,
"Among killers, I am TIME, because it kills everything."
I don't care whether this story is true or not but I do believe the line that has been passed is absolutely true,
No matter what you do, you will eventually be killed by time,
You have great ambitions? Time will kill them,
A happy person will be killed and will be forced to commit suicide,
But it can also be seen positively,
Do you have any addiction?
It will be killed by time eventually,
I believe what it meant was impermanence of anything in life and humans can change if they have will to change themselves,
Well let's stop this and eat the food,
I joined my hands and closed my eyes and prayed,
After praying I dove into the food,
But my niece was quite different she has to be fed by my sister because she wants to play game in her iPad,
"Say ahhh," said my sister, my niece opened her small mouth and my sister puts food into her mouth,
These two looked too cute, So I couldn't help but look,
My sister looked at me annoyed "What? Goto your room and study and I want 80 percent in next semester or else I will kick you out,"
"Yeah , I was about to go wanted to ask where is brother-in-law?" I said with a smile and giggling,
My sister had not changed still the same person with lose temper, I thought,
"He will come after two days, he is in business tour," my sister said and started feeding my niece,
"Eat fast, Or I will throw that iPad of yours in dustbin,"
My sister said somewhat annoyed and angrily,
I laughed inwardly then,
I went back to my room,
Even though I do not have great aim in my life, I put a priority that, I create, balance and destroy something every day,
No matter how small or insignificant thing I do, I should just do it,
That is like daily quest for me,
Creation is hardest thing in world but I have a great plan for that,
I draw every day and you know what I draw?
○( ＾皿＾)っ Hehe he…
Ahem, I draw anatomy😉,
My grandma, used to say "A hint is enough for a genius."
Figure it out yourself what I draw in anatomy,
As for balancing it is toughest of all, what does it means to balance?
For me balance means, I have to do something physically, mentally and socially challenging,
And as for destruction, I write diary every day and no one is perfect, so I write everything I did wrong or feel like they were wrong all day and try to destroy them next day,
This feels kind of productivity guru cringe shit but how do I live depends on myself,
But damn drawing anatomy feels so fun and good,
You can't imagine how hard it is to draw with one hand,
'Beep' 'Beep' 'Beep'
I checked my phone and saw it was alert; I had set for studying for 15 minutes,
Yeah, I only study two hours every day, I have no interest in being a topper,
So, I opened my notes app and read them thoroughly once, it took around five minutes,
Then I started writing key concepts I read from my physics notes in small whiteboard I own,
I made many mistakes in first trial and after some trial and error I finished writing without looking at notes,
Which means I have remembered them,
And my timer was also ringing, meaning 15 minutes were over,
Then I opened my favorite goonin- I mean reference site,
And I paused in very exciting and juicy scene (bites his lips) and started drawing,
My first drawing was crap and so I kept on drawing until I was satisfied with drawing,
I didn't realize and one hour was gone like a wind and my alert also rang in my phone, which meant it was time to write daily dairy about what to destroy tomorrow or anything I feel like I should do right and then I went to sleep, I kept my anatomy drawings in my secret locker,
Once my neice with whom I was playing hide and seek was about to find them while hiding in my room,
At that moment my heart was about to come out of my throat,
I had never felt so nervous,
While it was time to stay away from the screen and go to sleep,
I sleep at 10 pm and wake up a 5am,
I don't care what you think about me cause;
"In this palm of my hand, lies the pen of my destiny, you hear that? My destiny lies in my hand,"
A/N: These quotes may sound weird but I tried my best to translate them with keeping the meaning intact as these are quotes from my native language.
The word 'Mama' is a word that means mother's brother and there is another word for calling fathers brother in my native language and the feeling behind the word 'Mama 'cannot just be translated by mere word Uncle.