"Kai!" Sheila screamed, spinning around just in time to see the vampire pull him right off the balcony.
The Ice Witch threw a blast of freezing magic, but she missed by an inch because she was terrified of hitting Kai by accident.
The sudden acceleration pushed all the air right out of Kai's lungs as they shot straight up into the freezing night sky, and the ground disappeared instantly, replaced by dark clouds and the screeching sounds of the ongoing battle below.
Kai was totally terrified of falling to his death, so his survival instincts completely took over.
He dropped his useless iron dagger and wrapped his arms tight around the female Dracula's waist to hold on for dear life.
But since she was completely naked, his face ended up smashed right against her soft, bare boobs.
'This is the absolute worst way to die,' Kai panicked in his mind, squeezing his eyes shut as the freezing wind whipped his face.
'I am getting kidnapped by a horny nudist.'
"Don't struggle, sweet human," Dracula laughed from above him, her bare thighs gripping his hips tightly to keep him secure in the air.
"I am going to take you back to my nest. We are going to have so much fun before I drain every drop of your blood."
Kai wanted to yell back and tell her exactly how crazy she was, but opening his mouth at this altitude seemed like a terrible idea.
His face was buried deep in her cleavage to hide from the freezing wind, and he was honestly just trying to calculate if he could survive a drop into a snowbank.
But then, a familiar blue screen popped up right in front of his closed eyes, lighting up his dark vision with a very stupid notification.
[Intimate physical contact detected with hostile target.]
[Target is highly aroused by the hunt.]
[Passive Skill: Greed Feast activated.]
[Mana +5]
Kai let out a groan against the vampire's skin.
The game system was completely broken.
'This is the stupidest cheat skill in the history of gaming,' Kai thought as he tried to adjust his neck so he could actually breathe.
'I am about to get eaten alive by a feral bat woman, and my system is just happy I am touching boobs.'
'If I somehow survive this game and go back to the world, I am leaving a terrible review for the developers.'
He knew he had to do something fast before they reached her nest in the Dark Valley.
If she managed to drop him into a cave full of level thirty nudist vampires, his entire apocalypse run was going to end in the most pathetic way possible.
He forced his eyes open and looked up past her boobs to see her red eyes scanning the dark clouds ahead.
She looked so focused on flying, and her grip on his hips was like a pair of iron clamps.
Kai realised he didn't have a weapon, he didn't have any offensive magic, and his physical strength was an absolute joke compared to hers, except for the hard strike.
But he did have one massive advantage that had literally just saved him in the hot spring.
He knew exactly how to talk to women, and this feral monster was technically still a female target in the eyes of his broken game system.
"So," Kai started, having to yell slightly just to be heard over the rushing wind.
"Do you guys always fly totally naked, or did you just want to show off for me tonight?"
The female Dracula looked down at him with a highly amused expression, clearly not expecting her late-night snack to start making casual conversation in the middle of an abduction.
"Human clothes are for the weak," she answered, her voice echoing strangely in the open sky.
"Garments only slow us down and get in the way of our natural hunting instincts. We are born from the night, and we embrace it exactly as we are."
"I totally understand the aerodynamic theory," Kai replied smoothly, deciding to just lean fully into the absolute absurdity of the situation.
"But you are flying through a freezing winter sky right now. Your skin is absolutely beautiful, but it feels like pure ice against my hands. You must be freezing up here."
To prove his point, Kai shifted his grip from her waist and moved his hands slowly up her bare sides, rubbing his warm palms against her cold skin like he was just trying to help her warm up.
It was a gamble, but he figured she couldn't exactly drop him without losing her dinner anyway.
The Dracula flinched slightly in the air, her huge wings missing a single beat as his warm hands traced the smooth curve of her ribs.
She was a feral monster used to terrifying humans, so getting treated to a gentle massage mid-flight was completely messing with her predatory instincts.
[Target is confused by your actions.]
[Arousal detected.]
[Mana +10]
'Perfect,' Kai thought as he watched the yellow text pop up. 'I just need to overload her brain so she forgets how to fly.'
[Critical confusion detected.]
[Flight instability imminent.]
'Oh fuck me.'