The first time I saw him was outside the medicine block, I'd gone to drop someone off. He and whoever he was talking to were in a pretty heated argument. I won't lie, he looked cute, ears red with anger, seeming ready to hit someone...I got myself in trouble with the girl I was dropping off.
That first time, I'd just thought he's pretty cute, someone I could go for. That was until the next day I saw him with the guy that Riley is always around the past two days. It was then I realized I couldn't go through that road with him. I stopped thinking about it and went on with my week going through my routine until Friday noon.
The forum is one way of finding out where those guys are, it's also a way of me keeping away from Riley and Quint, mom and dad. I don't think anyone wants there parent figure seeing them with their flings so... yay! to that forum.
I had planned on going to where they were for lunch but then chose plan B after seeing them, it's natural to. Then I saw him again, at the door with Blane. I know his name because Rashid talks about him a lot. How the guy knows how to draw, how cute he is and how he can't even talk to him when Riley is around.
Rashid and I are basically the same but Rashid likes introducing himself and making friends and I like sleeping with the people I introduce myself to. Quite a difference actually.
But when I saw them that day, I knew I'd be meeting them sooner or later, the best way out was to clean house. And clean house I did. From the person I was standing with to the many I'd had more than one night with.
Only I know how many hits and crying faces I saw that week.
One thing I wanted was to try and see if I could manage to stay abstinent, Riley had talked to me many times about it. But it wasn't more on loyalty but more on getting myself to stop philandering and start trusting that people could have those emotions for me too.
He'd once gotten me a session with a psychiatrist but I had not gone. He'd been angry for a while and said he wouldn't ever help me again but a week later, he was sending a team to find me in some dilapidated country and had them bring me home.
"I don't care man, I am not helping you."
"Not helping, I just want you there when he arrives."
"You are planning on getting all of us in a lane he won't readily let us out of."
"I like someone."
"That ain't new. There was Liky in middle school, Barbara in year one high school, Martin, Sandra, Xander and even a Patricia."
"I want to try it out this time."
"And if you fail? It's someone in the circle Barnard."
Kristoff's question was all pretty much in the right angles. I had come face to face with the circle this time. Someone who'd make me make or break us.
"Talk to him outside first, dig and try to find out if he might be interested in you before getting those two involved."
Those two were obviously mom and dad. But how do I know he's interested? The others had always told me I like you and things like that without that, I never know when someone's interested.
I met him outside a gym. One both Quint and Riley go too. I'd also seen Rashid here before but Rashid goes to these places for inspiration only. And that day he was sat with Riley asking about pastry schools and if he knew how to join one. I'd wondered whether he wanted to drop art until weeks later when I saw Kaleb...and I had to ask myself then, did he want to pay the guys tuition?
I met him talked a little but he seemed ready to bolt. I might have told him I was interested in him and gave a few lines of my own that I thought were good until Kristoff knocked the back of my head for even saying them out loud.
"You said you wanted to try to abstain and everything you've said just tells me you're more interested in sex with him."
"When I saw him there with a thin t-shirt and sweat, I obviously thought of pinning him down."
"Then you haven't changed the tiniest bit. You're still the same Barnard."
Well, that could take a while to change. But at least now I haven't had sex for a week and more. I am not a sex addict, I just like it better than putting my heart into someone's hands. I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to lose my family now though, so this has to work.
Sex with him was a bit hazy... damnit I shouldn't have drunk. But I hadn't drunk more and I had been sure I was sober when I went to talk to him. Finding him gone that morning, I cursed myself for thinking with my dick more than anything. I knew I had messed up but what I hated more was making our first time feel like an everyday affair.
The first person I called was Quint. I knew Riley would be mad so I called Quint and even asked him to help me look for professional help.
"What do you want? I have class. "
"I slept with him last night."
"What?"
"Taffy, I slept with him and when I woke up, he was gone. I don't recall a thing of how it happened, I don't know what I did or how I did it. It's like my head wiped it off."
"You'd made a promise! You'd said you would tread carefully and now you're throwing me onto a fix. "
He was silent for a while before sighing.
"I am already in it so let's go through everything first. Have you called him yet?"
"He didn't pick up."
"Details...Now!"
I told him everything I could recall.
"You obviously drugged yourself. If it's that hotel room, didn't you tell me your wine is always drugged so you can sleep well?"
"Ooh right!"
This is the same place I always came with her and after my visit to some foreign country, everytime I came here I'd have trouble sleeping so my wine was drugged. Does it mean he also doesn't recall anything? Does he realize I drugged him? Can this be counted as rape? I got my phone out and tried calling him more.
"You still didn't clean house as well as you thought. You should let out that room as well or just admit that you still have feelings for her, meet her and finish things off if not."
I don't have feelings for her. Infact, it had been a while since I'd gone to that room. I book other hotels for my escapades then go to my own place to sleep. But unconsciously yesterday I had taken him to the only place I'd been going to with her...damn it. Now I know what Kristoff will say, along the lines of I said so.