As agreed, I laid out a sheet for us to sit on, and the boys began picking wildflowers at my request. I was going to teach them useful things. I was going to do everything myself...educate them, entertain them, feed them...
"Mommy, here."
Euria gave me some too before sitting on my lap while I tied the daisies together.
"Look. I made you a bracelet. Do you like it?"
Euria was so happy to have one that I had to make one for Amaiera too. It allowed me to have peace with my surroundings for the first time. I had missed being in the middle of the wild for the first time in several months. Especially since lately I was approaching the last two months of pregnancy, which were already causing me some contractions. He definitely wasn't going to be born late...
Izua finally joined us after getting dressed solemnly. He looked at me for a long time and sat down next to me, not daring to raise his voice.
"When I tell you not to leave, you don't leave..."
"I know, but look how happy they are to play outside. You can take me away, but you can't take their mother and their freedom away from them."
He seemed exasperated by my presence and was about to leave, but Euria came back with a large daisy necklace around his neck, which he took to place around his father's head.
"Well...is this a present?"
"Yes..."
"Thank you, darling."
He kissed Euria on the cheek before getting up and staring at Amaiera, who was giving him a rather nasty look.
"I've had very different sons... I wonder how they manage to get along... I have work to do, so I'm going back upstairs. I forbid you to move from here except to go back upstairs."
Euria had managed to soften Izua quickly; what was certain was that he loved his children even if he pretended to be insensitive. I spent a good hour chatting with them, letting them enjoy the fresh air, and teaching them how to have fun making flower crowns.
Sometimes I thought that if I hadn't carried them in my womb for so long, I would have had a hard time knowing them. My young children... beautiful and smelling so good. I held them in my arms, Amaiera's little belly against my face, and he rested his hands on my hair
"You left your father alone for too long. You should go back up to see him. I'll get the sheet."
"Mama!"
Euria and Amaiera ran towards the entrance while, exhausted, I couldn't keep up, bending down with difficulty to retrieve the sheet.
The sound of dulling metal woke him as I crouched, folding the sheet in my arms to carry it. In the distance, I saw Amaiera stop moving and fly into a rage as if he were about to have a fit. Naturally, I turned slowly to find myself face to face with the point of a sword.
"Excuse...me...?"
It took me a moment to look away from the sword to see the face of the man pointing it at me. I could hear my children running quickly against the stone and gradually moving away, which lifted a weight from my shoulders
His thin shirt with its puffed sleeves was billowing in the wind; he wasn't dressed properly for a walk in society, more like something you'd wear to stay in your room all day. He held his sword in one hand, and his blond hair fell over his eyes, partially obscuring his vision...
Yet behind that dark gaze were pupils of a fleeting, piercing green, very hazy, and pursed lips.
He finally lowered his sword, still keeping it in his hand.
I squinted to see him better; I had rarely seen eyes of such a blue-green...
it was...
"Haven't we met somewhere before?"
"...you're the Beste who always came to the castle with his mother, aren't you?"
"We've crossed paths...?"
"Yes. Several times."
He finally sheathed his sword, lowering his gaze to my stomach. He seemed rather surprised but also annoyed, as if I were irritating him.
I heard very rapid footsteps hitting the stones behind me, and without warning, Izua dropped to his knees in front of me. I...ah...so...
"Please forgive my wife, Your Majesty. As I told you, she's a little unhinged. She doesn't know what she's doing. But...she's still young. Give her a chance." His voice trembled. Seeing that I didn't bow my head, he pressed on for me to bow as well and pay my respects. "She's expecting a child. If you kill her, the child will die with her..."
"...stop this nonsense, Izua. I'm not that evil."
He turned away for good. Izua's hands trembled on my back as he helped me to my feet. I had never seen my fearsome husband bow before anyone...
"Was that the Emperor? I've never seen him before..."
"YOU BASTARD...!"
He raised his hand to slap me. He hadn't done it in a long time...but it still hurt so much...and I could feel blood spreading in my mouth because I hadn't expected it and had bitten myself by mistake.
"You really wanted us killed?! You're nothing but a female dog! How could a woman be so stupid?! You're nothing but a piece of trash, a whore good for nothing but giving away your ass! You should be praying to God you're still alive right now."
He hurried out of the garden, leaving me standing alone in the middle of nowhere, absorbing his words and the pain of his blows. I hadn't... recognized the emperor. I didn't even know it was him... All I knew was that he... that he looked like the man in my childhood painting.
I was terrified, not of the emperor, but of my husband. If he hadn't come, nothing bad would have happened.
There was no reason for him to hurt me; I hadn't done anything.
Without realizing it, I felt something rise within me, something sweeter than the taste of blood, but even stronger than the burning suffering from which it emanated. It was... the name Beste, returning to my mind for the first time since my marriage.
It was the first time anyone had called me that... and... I don't know why, the tears that had dried began to flow again, very salty, leaving behind a face as wet as the one I had when I was a child.
"You will not eat at noon. You don't need to. And I refuse to let you breastfeed your sons any longer. From now on, you will stay here; you will not leave."
He forcibly undressed me while I cried, throwing me on the bed and hurting me again without any regard for the baby inside me.
No matter how much I told him I was in pain, he didn't care.
I was losing contact with my children again, staying naked in a locked room, my stomach becoming increasingly painful. I waited for my husband to come home every night so he could punish me and then go back to my children. It reassured me that he was watching over them, but I hated him for keeping me from seeing them.
I was afraid they would be hungry... I was afraid they would have nightmares...
Then that fateful night when he was punishing me particularly violently, fluid came out of me... clear, mixed with a little blood...
He had to interrupt his marital duties to help me because I was crying my eyes out. I never would have imagined that my third child would be born in such circumstances...
I had never been in so much pain...and yet my second child hadn't been easy to deliver. This one arrived after a month and a half, beautiful and healthy, but...after that day I couldn't get out of bed.
I was between death and exhaustion...
To be honest, I could have gotten up after a week because I had regained some strength, but...I was far too sad to want to.
Whether I stayed in this bed or went out, what difference would it make? I would still be stuck here without my children or any purpose... I turned onto my side after my ninth day of bed rest. In this position, I could see the large window and the blue sky... that was my only pleasure. Then, when I had seen enough, I fell back asleep under the covers. My memory was fading; I made sure to remember only the essentials. I was alive... and I was... a woman.
I felt a wave of cold caress my skin, then a hand, or rather fingers, caress my spine from top to bottom.
"Beautiful... Beautiful Again..."
"..."
"Ederra, have you ever dreamed about me...? Or is it your sister who's dreaming?"
"Ederra, I know someone who likes your paintings...you know, that duke...he bought all your paintings from me without knowing it was me. It would have been strange if he'd bought his wife's too...he was looking for you, wasn't he?"
""
"Ederra, you're the one who hid the Beste seal, aren't you?"
My eyes opened wide, and I found a bunch of keys lying on a light but elegant dress beside me.
I'd had another dream...but who was it? I was beginning to wonder if it was a figment of my imagination or if reality was blurring together...